Dynaverse.net
Taldrenites => Dynaverse II Experiences => Topic started by: GDA-S'Cipio on November 26, 2004, 02:48:55 pm
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Can you hear me? Do you see spots? So you feel dizzy? Stay with me! You have so much (shopping) to live for!
I hear you had to get up at 5AM today, so you could be the first through the door at Target. That way you coul get some deals before all the "good" stuff was gone. <snicker> I hear you had to hit all the Targets so that you could comparison shop and compare prices.
No, no! Don't black out!
Stay with me! This day will end. Whatever you do, don't go into the light.
-S'Cipio
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<shudder>
Awake at 5:00 AM with a 5'0" Asian Harpy standing over me with a scadling cup of coffee that she is threatening to throw on me.
In my half awake stupor my brain wonders how a 5'0" woman can have a 5'2" mouth. Then I start dreaming of Stephen Hawkin explaining it all under something he calls the Unified Bitching Theorem.
At that point I hear another scream. Odd, it sounds like me. Dammit!! It is me. She bloody well yanked the covers off of me. And since I like to sleep <ahem> au naturale; the cold air hits some of my favorite body parts like a weedwacker. Talk about instant shrinkage.
So, I throw on the clothes I wore the day before. She and everyone else in the mall can BITE ME!! I'm going sloppy and they better damn well like it. Hmmm, Dior sports wear looks okay unkept anyways. GQ sez so, so I'm cool.
6:00 Target. THERE IS A )($&*(&$)&$*() LINE AT THE DOOR!!! I KID YOU NOT!!! Mostly hideously obese menopausal woman whose only dream in life is to die in mortal combat in the shoe department on this very day.
Shop Rex pauses in the parking lot. She sniffs the air. I notice hear cute little ears twitch. And then, in an oddly deep voice she announces . . .
Yes, it is a good day to shop!!
Well by noon I started to feel sick again (seriously) so I escaped. I went home, bruised and covered with the blood of the poor unfortunatent sales clerk at K-Mart (God give me strength) who had failed to ring up one of SR's items for the correct price. I never realized a credit card could be used to severe a major artery before. <shudder>
So now I am home. A shell of a man. <sniff>
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In my half awake stupor my brain wonders how a 5'0" woman can have a 5'2" mouth. Then I start dreaming of Stephen Hawkin explaining it all under something he calls the Unified Bitching Theorem.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Every year on this day, I light a candle for you in the parking lot. Just a little light to help you find your way to safety in the late night exit spree.
Now I know why you skipped your flu shot this year. A week's worth of flu misery was certainly worth having an excuse to get out of the mall at lunchtime, no?
-S'Cipio
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Could be worse J'inn some malls open at 2 AM..... ;)
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Don't give his woman ideas, Chuut! Good God, man. Have you no heart?!