Dynaverse.net
Off Topic => Ten Forward => Topic started by: C-Los on December 12, 2005, 06:23:52 am
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Demise of the
Office Christmas Party
December 1 Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the
banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No host bar,
but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't Be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
December 2 Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday which often coincides with Christmas,
though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this
time.
Happy now?
December 3 Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a nondrinking table ... you didn't
sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but
if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you
wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
December 7 Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December
2 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes
the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party the days
are so short this time of year or else package
everything for takehome in little foil swans. Will that
work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters
Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms. Did I miss anything?
December 8 Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you
expect me to do, a tapdance on your heads? Fire
regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our
"earthbased Goddessworshipping" employees, but we'll try
to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the
band's breaks. Okay???
December 9 Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having
our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
"Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil
connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a
tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family
feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on
Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?
December 10 Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're
going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue
whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your freaking salad bar,
including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have
feelings too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!
December 14 Memo
FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a
speedy recovery from her stress related illness and I'll
continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
off with full pay.
We hope that this change does not offend anyone.
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:rofl:
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He who pleases everyone pleases no one.
Also, the term "politically correct" makes my skin crawl.
(shivers)
There were a couple of articles in the student newspaper here at Texas A&M on Friday about this subject. Here are the links to the articles.
http://www.thebatt.com/media/paper657/news/2005/12/09/Opinion/Merry.XMas-1126341.shtml?norewrite&sourcedomain=www.thebatt.com
http://www.thebatt.com/media/paper657/news/2005/12/09/Opinion/Merry.XMas-1126341.shtml?norewrite&sourcedomain=www.thebatt.com
Merry Christmas everyone.
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The worst part of that post, is that it could in this day in age be so easily true/already happened.
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You said Christmas! I'll sue you damn christ monger!!
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How about this then you Punisher...
Happy Xmas...and knowing you you'll want a lot more than just one X...so maybe happy XXXmas???
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Ah yes, the tripple X works for my two favorite things...booze and porn! Woo hoo!
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To: All Staff
From: HR Department
RE: "Holiday Parties"
In an effort to make the holiday season enjoable and fun for all, there will be NO company funded parties whatsoever. There will be, however, a bulletin board placed in the main lobby for the express purpose of arranging individual parties for whatever celebration that is to go on, placed there by the CEO himself and guarded from vandalism by two security guards 24/7.
We can be "PC" and still have fun, and the CEO has given me *personal* authorization to fire anyone that security finds trying to alter the board in a detrimental fashion.
Merry Christmahannahkwanzakah!
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To: All Staff
From: HR Department
RE: "Holiday Parties"
In an effort to make the holiday season enjoable and fun for all, there will be NO company funded parties whatsoever. There will be, however, a bulletin board placed in the main lobby for the express purpose of arranging individual parties for whatever celebration that is to go on, placed there by the CEO himself and guarded from vandalism by two security guards 24/7.
We can be "PC" and still have fun, and the CEO has given me *personal* authorization to fire anyone that security finds trying to alter the board in a detrimental fashion.
Merry Christmahannahkwanzakah!
To: HR Department
From: Concerned employee
RE: "Seasonal Parties" (please refrain from the use of the word "holiday" because of it's possible derivation from the words "holy day")
I am concerned about the company condoning the use of a bulletin board within the workspace for arranging various gatherings and celebrations that may be of a religious nature that could possibly offend fellow employees. I especially believe that it is inappropriate for the company to provide materials for this board itself (board, paper, ink, pins, computers, and printers) and that employees would be allowed to propogate their beliefs in the workplace during company time with this board. I insist that the board be immediately removed and that this company make no further attempts to condone certain employees' attempts to impose their beliefs on other employees. In the meantime, I will be organizing a bulletin board protest a short distance away from the board in order to give anyone who might post on it an opportunity to think twice before treading on others' beliefs. Have a happy seasonal celebration or lack there-of.
Sincerely,
Valued Employee
You just can't win if you try to be PC.
Celebrate Christmas however you want. This "offending people" crap is rediculous. Don't buy into it.
Merry Christmas everyone.
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I'm saved from this problem by automatically trashing any email from HR.
Hell you don't even wanna touch that stuff.
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I'm saved from this problem by automatically trashing any email from HR.
Hell you don't even wanna touch that stuff.
The auto-delete function is a wonderful thing! ;D
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Hehe, as many of you know, I now work in a democratic-leaning Campaign and Consulting firm (we have a republican running for a non-partisan office, a company called ATL - no comments from those who know what major company provides their funding, and several democratic legislators running for various offices). The boss and I were chatting tonight about the upcoming office party (VERY nice steak house called Morton's) and he commented that we're going to have: A couple of queers (my partner and I), a jew and her husband (his chief of staff), a WASP-ish couple (young white guy and his new wife), your classic single at 40 overweight geek/nerd (the office manager), a Lebanese part-time belly dancer, and of course his mafia-descended, Jimmy Hoffa Union-loving Italian family (his dad was in one of the Sicilian 'families' before coming over here, okay after coming over here to America as well).
He's wondering what we'll talk about over dinner...
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Why the extremists Muslims sent their suicide bomber?
Sorry, that was a racist...or at least (added: religiously) prejudice remark...I failed my save.