Topic: Well...

[EE]

Well, she invited me to this party that a couple local bands were throwing. She wanted to kick it with me, I told her it was not my type of music and she said she knew that but I said I would go anyways. We went with a couple friends, both of which were filiming the party and the live shows for the Bands DVD.

Just to keep it short, since I have to go to work early today.

She was kicking it with the bass player of the band a little more then I prefer.

[Clark Kent]

Not to be short, dude, but that's what girls do.
Being a gentleman is one thing, but I get the feeling that this chick wants you to take charge and make your move.  Could be wrong, but i just get that impression in this particular case.

[EE]

Its possible that is the case but again, I have never been good at reading people when what I should be reading is coming at me.

It could be a number of things, like she is newly single and is enjoying 'playing the field' or that she is possibly trying to get me to make my move ( which I am doubting more and more when I think about it ).

Its just comments like " you know, I always have fun with you, we should hang out more often because we dont hang out enough " and then when we finally do, months after she says this, she doesnt kick it with me.

Honeslty, I think she is way out of my league. I think she is just enjoying the attention. Kinda pisses me off but whatever. I am down with being friends, I would sooner be friends then ruin the friendship because of my unshared interests.

Just all the signals I have been recieving on and off for the last 5 months or so are confusing me. I have no clue as to what I should do. Some people are telling me I should just go for it and whatever happens, happens. Some people are telling me that I should not bother because I am maybe seeing what I want to see and not what is really happening. I have never been good in these situations when it comes to me so I am completly confused.

As is, I am trying to get a friend to open up to me as to why he has been so pissy and well, I think the situation is with this chick as well, I think he likes her too which wont be good at all but I have had this feeling about him for a while now.

Whatever she chooses to do she will do and I will be fine with that unless its a total destructive act and then I will step in with a vengence. She kept me from being homeless, no matter how things work out, I owe her damned near a life debt because if I would have been homeless again ( I was before ) I would have offed myself then starve, freeze and beg for change. She pretty much saved my life.

Anyways, I am off to work, I am going in early all week. Ill leave you with the birthday card I bought her. Those who know me, what do you think? Does this card sound like me or what?

She is turning 20 years old on thursday and the card is as follows...

Psychologists say we go through 7 stages of adjustment when we turn 30

[1] - Denile
[2] - Denile
[3] - Denile
[4] - Denile
[5] - Denile
[6] - Denile
[7] - Denile

I figure when she reads the front, she will say, " I AM NOT 30!" and then open it up and muhahahha

anyways, frustration and stuff persisits. Who know how this will go. Ill give it more time, the guy next door says I should just go for it but I dont want to risk the friendship over something I see that really isnt there.its been 5 years since I have dated anyone, last 2 relationships went very poorly and kinda screwed me up and I would sooner not have another screwed up one at the expense of a good friendship.

[Clark Kent]

I might be overstepping my bounds here, since I've already made up my mind about such things, and decided I don't want long terms plans with a woman, but here goes...
Have her over for a drink or something.  When you sit down to chill, talk to her.  Be direct and open and don't beat around the bush.  Tell her that you think you see something there and wonder about how she feels as well.
As the conversation progresses one fo two things should happen: she'll get uncomfortable and make it clear that's not the direction she wants to go in, or she will tell you what you're hoping to hear.  In either case, it should be a weight lifted off your shoulders.
I too am terrible at reading people, so this is the only method that seems to have gotten me anywhere.

[EE]

My issues with going that route, which I have thought of, is that she just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. I dont want to come off as pushy or anything. I also dont want to be the rebound, I have been that and it sucks. I want to give her time to heal from the BS she went through but also I fear if I wait too long I miss my chance, which by the way could have already happened just last saturday night.

What I have decided to do though is confront mr bass player tomorrow if he is at work when I show up to his work and pretty much tell him, " I know what you are up to, I know the game, I have played the game and playing those games gets people hurt real bad and I am not talking about emotional ".

You see, she has had a crush on this guy for a while and well, hes the player type and I know his game and well, he is taking advantage of a friend of mine and that sh*t just wont happen. I wont stand for it, even if it ruins the friendship I am willing to do that to protect her from herself and him.

[Clark Kent]

That's your choice, and I can respect that.  In the long run, not being direct might be the right thing to do, or at least, A right thing to do.  Just keep in mind that you want to provide her a supportive caring relationship, whereas the other guys around her are just looking for a nice piece of @$$.  Also keep in mind that if things don't turn out as you like, you made a conscious decision to let them be that way.
I don't mean this to sound rude, I just don't want you to regret not going for it down the road.  persoanlly, I like the direct route, because you can get the answers you're looking for without "making a move."  I'm sure most would see it as making a move, but I don't, since all you're doing is taking stock of each others feelings.
As for the dude, if he really is just a player, go for it man, kick his posterior.

[oldmanken]

I have to agree with CK on this one, though I lean on the side of it being a right thing to do.  By being direct you are being honest, and while she may not end up being interested, at least your being straight forward with her.

I'm not one to take the direct route, though when I have its been far less detrimental than it originally appears to be.

[Redshift the Kook]

Interesting that she says "We should spend more time together". Does she say this often? If she does you could play it cool with her and if she comes up to you again and says something similar come back at her with " Well let's go out for a drink together on such and such a night?". She has to give you an answer right there without you going up to her and making a fool of yourself. 

If she says Sure then it's onto the next level, If she say "Uh I don't think I can do that" then you know where you stand, if she says "Let's not do that, let's do it when that Bass player is around" then you know what her plan is!

If she hints something to you then ask her out there and then, it makes more sense bud.

^^Redshift's plan.

[EE]

I have to agree with CK on this one, though I lean on the side of it being a right thing to do.  By being direct you are being honest, and while she may not end up being interested, at least your being straight forward with her.

I'm not one to take the direct route, though when I have its been far less detrimental than it originally appears to be.

Ill think about your adivce and Ck's advice. It will be saturday at the earliest when I see her next. I saw her for a tiny bit lastnight when I headed down the the coffee shop on my lunch for some coffee and stuff, had a 13 hour workday lastnight. Did not have much time to say anything but hi and bye.

[EE]

Interesting that she says "We should spend more time together". Does she say this often? If she does you could play it cool with her and if she comes up to you again and says something similar come back at her with " Well let's go out for a drink together on such and such a night?". She has to give you an answer right there without you going up to her and making a fool of yourself. 

If she says Sure then it's onto the next level, If she say "Uh I don't think I can do that" then you know where you stand, if she says "Let's not do that, let's do it when that Bass player is around" then you know what her plan is!

If she hints something to you then ask her out there and then, it makes more sense bud.

^^Redshift's plan.

She says it at least once a month but we dont get to hang out. Next time she says something I am definatly going to try to set something up. I am going to try to set something up with her for this weekend if possible, somehow I doubt it will be but ill try.

Drinking is not the best of ideas. I might be 6'2" and 170-180lbs and she may be 5'0" and 95 lbs but she can out drink me. I am such a lightweight now its sad, I have not drank on a steady basis in many years.

[EE]

Went down to the local coffee shop before work today and see if 'the playa' was there but I did not have the energy to confront him, perhaps tomorrow.

I also went back during my lunch break, my 9:40pm lunch break, to give her the birthday card I bought her, she read it and just as I expected, said " hey " and then threw a empty pack of smokes at me, which of course missed, because she 'throws wraith like a girl'. She loved the card etc. Came up gave me a big ass hug. Playa was there, I gave him a scowl and he broke eye contact with a quickness. I was only able to spend a few moments there tonight so I did not get any time to do anything, which is my life until late october when work slows down or I find a new job.

well, thats about all I can write right now, I am going to pass the hell out and check here tomorrow. I am going to try to wake early and see if she wants to have lunch tomorrow.

[oldmanken]

Looking at it EE, this is very much a case of playing it by ear.  When the time comes, you'll know the move to make...just don't talk yourself out of doing the right thing.

[EE]

Yeah, hopefully I notice when the right time is to do everything I need to do. I have made up my mind that tomorrow I am going to have a talk with 'playa' and pretty much tell him how its going to go. I am going to tell him he really doesnt have a choice in the whole matter, he needs to back off and give some space. He has one choice and he better make it. I dont really want to fight this guy, I dont want anything to do with fighting anyone, I am way beyond that stage but I just feel like the last resort is a good old ass kicking.

[EE]

Well, I went down there today and he was there but he was with another friend so it was not the place or time to do it. Tomorrow will be. Only I have a delima.

should I?

A: Have a talk with him, as mentioned above, stating I know what he is up to and it needs to end here and now otherwise there will be problems.

or

B: Have a talk with her, telling her that I trust her to do the right thing when it comes down to it but I dont trust him at all because of his previous actions and that because she is in a vulnarable state right now, I worry more about him taking advantage of her.

'A' is the easier of the two, because... well... I have the time to do it. 'B' isnt as easy because the next time I will see her is maybe Saturday and that may be too  far away. Or should I go with C which is have a talk with both of them.

I am pretty set on 'A" after 11 hours at work thinking over the problem, 'B' shows trust in her and her desisions but again, it may be too late.

god I hate this crap.

[oldmanken]

I would suggest option B.  While option A may be more direct in getting to the root of the problem, you end up circumventing her and that could cause problems for your friendship.  Option B, if it turns out to be timely, could also make her aware of the fact that you care for her, without having to be completely direct about it.

[EE]

I also feel B is the right choice but damnit, its so long away and I hate being worried. Maybe I can find a way to see her sooner then that but its doubtful. I work at 6pm for the next two days, she doesnt get off until 5:30pm and lives about 20 minutes from me. Tomorrow is no good because well, I have to get up in less then 2 hours to drive my roomie to work ( 2 hour round triip ) then go to sleep, again, wake up for work, go to work for 2 hours, take 2 hours off of work to grab him, go back to work and work until 4-5am. rinse and repeat for tomorrow ( except the driving roomie to work part ).

I so want to do A tomorrow, so bad but I will hold off.

[oldmanken]

I just think that option A is a poor choice, and can lead to far more trouble in the long run.  You have no idea how she would react to such a thing...though I'm quite sure it wouldn't be positive.

Just have some patience, and for the moment trust her to do the right thing.  That's all you can do in this situation.

[EE]

But I cant trust him at all. I will go with B only because I will need as much sleep as possible tomorrow and will be unable to do A even if I wanted

Well, we will see how it goes.

[oldmanken]

It's fine not to trust him, as from what you describe he is nothing but a player, and will hurt her.  But, you have to trust that she will do the right thing and won't rush in to anything.  That may be difficult, as she is vulnerable, but it's all you can do.

[Clark Kent]

I think you're worried too much about this.  If you bring this up to her my experience is that it won't work, and in the end you'll only be left with an "I told you so," which helps no one.
However, guys are much better about this type of warning.  Confront the dude.  That's my bet.