Topic: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2  (Read 11708 times)

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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #20 on: July 29, 2006, 11:22:19 pm »
Indeed you are right, La'ra.

I guess I should count myself luck, or skilled, that our esteemed Andy can ONLY find these faults in my Trek. Makes me happy in my pants! ;D

I'm in a better mood tonite anyway after our RPG. Ron killed Fett... That was great...

I'll post more in a couple of days...Monday or Tuesday...

Yill then...

-thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #21 on: July 30, 2006, 11:18:02 am »
Just gave the last part a good read and I think I know what the Gorn were protecting.  Part of me wants to jump over to the completed file you sent to check to see if I'm right.  Part of me wants to wait till you post it.

Either way, this one started out fine but felt a little sluggish somehow.  Now that Thomas and Co. are on the Gorn ship, poking around, it feels much faster paced.  I'm becoming increasingly fond of your characterization of Thomas;  he's still recognizable as his inspiration, but more disciplined and military.  I like that.

I'm also fond of Surall.  She's quite Vulcan, but she doesn't seem the utter cold fish a lot of people believe a Vulcan character absolutely has to be.  That's a good thing: the classic portrayals of Vulcans...Spock and Surak mostly...definitely had a lot of personality you could detect despite their emotional restraint.  Unlike a lot of other Vulcan characters, she has seemed a little insecure in her abilitities, which is an interesting difference from most other fanfic Vulcans.

Favorite line from the last bit...

Quote
“You two get all the intel you can from this bird. Fleet intelligence would give its left nut to be in here with us.

This is another good example of your characters talking as real people talk, which is one of your bigger strengths, as Andy previously pointed out I think.

So far I'm listing a bunch of positives.  I'll save the nitpicky stuff till the end, when I can devour the whole thing at once.  Haven't found much yet, though.  However...

Quote
No conventions used for character thoughts and formatting is a biit helter-skelter

This quote from Andy...I don't think it means what you were saying last night.  So far, in this story, you've had a very consistent third-person omniscent viewpoint.  I think Andy and Josh meant that when someone was thinking something in a way that's almost like dialogue, it'd be easier to tell if it was italicized or something.

Otherwise you can read half a line and suddenly realize 'Oh, he's talking to himself', and that can be a little jarring.

They can correct me if I interpreted that wrong.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2006, 11:28:57 am by Commander La'ra »
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline CaptJosh

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #22 on: July 30, 2006, 02:57:54 pm »
Yeah. Basically. But only a little jarring. It didn't take me out of the story per se. It's like taking with someone and finding out they've been talking on a cell phone handsfree the whole time and not to you.
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those who understand binary and those who don't.

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2006, 01:22:27 pm »
Larry and Josh have pinned it down exactly right, Guv, especially with the example Josh gave of the cellphone, and Larry has it right with his "correct me if I'm wrong" assumption.

As for the conventions, it why is called a convention, or a standard. Instantly recognisable for what it is. Don't let my nitpicking bug you, it's just the way I give a review. If it's sucking the fun out of writing for you, ingore it. Besides, I only did the whole spelling thing there because it's been so many posts since I did it last. This is me showing restraint and not picking at you every single post. *grin*

But as I said, I like your characterisation. I mean, really like it. ST can be so antisceptic at times, with no real emotion or "real-talk". However, it can be taken too far the other way when all the characters curse like sailors or refer to 20th century stuff as a matter of course. Look how much language has changed over the past 100 years already, and apply that forward 300 years. I'll have my characters swear too, but it's not an everyday occurrence nor should they use 20th century idioms unless they are a 20th century afficionado, like Jaeih's Andrea Yushikara is established to be.

But as I said, your characterisation is a refeshing change from the usual antisceptic stuff. Keep it up!
« Last Edit: August 19, 2006, 09:42:07 am by Scottish Andy »
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #24 on: August 01, 2006, 11:39:49 pm »
Ah ha!

Now I see! Alrighty, the whole italic thing makes sense to me now. You're right. I'll endeavor to at least put quotation around such in the future...a ['] at least... I don't go through the story when I post and replace all the italic. Doing so would simply prompt me to post less...I am lazy when it comes to some things.

I've been playing the hell outa SWG. To the point that its almost an obsession... Might have gone almost...actually. So forgive if my updates are not as on time as they should be...

Anyway, thank you all for your replies! That was a great help, there.

-thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2006, 12:41:55 am »
Quote
I've been playing the hell outa SWG. To the point that its almost an obsession... Might have gone almost...actually. So forgive if my updates are not as on time as they should be...

You should manage your time better...spending so many hours on a silly video game...why...that's just childish.

*pulls coat forward over lightsaber*

Really.

*distinctive R2-like whistle comes from behind drapes*

Pay no attention to the droid behind the curtain.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #26 on: August 03, 2006, 07:02:29 pm »
I'm back with sum more crap from the Trek-hole. I'm still too lazy to italicise, so bear with me...


CH. 5





Ford bent close to the primary sensor display on the science console and tried not to breathe too hard on the secondary specialist sitting there. This was one of Surall’s lower officers whom occupied a prize placement in her astrometrics division. His capacity on space borne phenomena was unequalled amongst the remainder of the ship’s compliment. But Ford could not help but remain circumspect when anyone other than his primary science officer manned the scopes.
“Identified?”

Ensign Edmonson glanced back at his skipper, trying not to look like an irritated horse squatting at a barn fly. “Not yet, sir. The subspace band is within the E region, but that just proves their using a non-linear coil assembly. It could be Gorn, or it could be Vulcan, Orion, Breen or Ferengi.”

Ford scoffed.
“I doubt the Ferengi even exist.”

“Maybe some day we’ll find out.” The ensign replied, once again applying his eyes to the main scope. Ford raised back to his full height, intent on disturbing him no further. He glanced at the green ship on his viewer and then to operations. Another junior officer manned that post.

“How’s the plasma field looking, ops?”

Closing tighter, Captain. We have a clearance of just over one thousand meters port and starboard.”

This drew the captain’s gaze to Lieutenant Bronstien.
“Steady as she goes helm. Try to find us a nice stable exit from all this.”

Johnathan nodded half-consciously. All of his concentration was again piled upon his instruments. Even his reply sounded as though only a tenth of his brain were dedicated to it. “Aye, Cap’n. Speed steady at one-quarter impulse.”

“We’re continuing to close in on the warp field, sir.” The science spec intoned as well. Chevis returned to his seat at the conn and made himself relax. He hoped that Thomas would find the reason for their supposed lifeform reading, and soon. He did not fancy a conflict with some Gorn warship that might have been looking for their lost escort.

Ford considered hailing the unidentified contact. But if it were the Gorn, their signal would be ignored and it might actually boost their paranoia. He needed to provide Thomas with as much time as possible to come up with an answer about the lifeform reading without actually turning both ships around and heading in the opposite direction. He could also beam his men home till identity of the new craft was ascertained, but he had no guarantee that this was the Gorn coming in on them, nor that the supposed lifeform would last till their compatriots arrived.

Humanitarianism had its drawbacks, he decided.





“I don’t suppose the reading could have been coming from the ship’s shuttles or life pods, could they?” Smith asked Lieutenant Surall as Davenport finished coaxing the final hatch open. Each of the away party slowly entered this new, ill-lit chamber and began to look about.

“I mean,” the officer continued, “They’re self-contained and would last a long time.”

Surall gave a noncommittal shrug.
“If that were true, would they not have also launched from this vessel rather than remained locked inside a hulk with little or no motive power?”

Ronald solved the riddle for them. “The shuttle bay was damaged in a hull breach in the initial blast, and both shuttles were blown into space before they really knew what was going on. And the life pods are too close to the outer hull to sustain the heat, ionic bursts and hard radiation of the zone for very long. If they went there, they got cooked days ago. Besides,” he pointed to yet another huge, scaled body lying on the deck before them. “We’ve accounted for nearly all of the crew between here and engineering. I’d say the crew compliment is dead.”

Mister Thomas panned around with his shoulder and rifle lights. This room was much smaller than any of the others they’d thus been within. It was lined with pod-like machines laden with hoses and wiring harnesses. Each of the devices within this room was alight with glowing status indicators and was humming silently or making a wet pumping sound. Ben’s rifle-lamp’s beam fell across a large canister with transparent sides. He panned it back, to better examine what he’d seen.

“What the hell is this?” He called, voice an octave higher.

“Hold up…” Said Ron’s voice over the helmet comm, “This panel has power. Let me bring up the lights.”

The room’s own light sources took over, and the Starfleet team killed their own lamps. The tank Thomas had seen was only the outer most of three such pods, all made from clear glass-like alloy and perched atop a group of tall, boxy mechanical apertures that hummed and produced a sanguine field of heat that could just be felt through the material of their EVA suits. Within each transparent pod stood suspended ten or more brown, round objects that looked to be made of tanned leather. The fluid they floated in looked to be thick and gelatinous from its opacity. Ben’s jaw sagged as he realized what he must have been looking at.




Ford hunkered down close to his chair’s comm pickup and made a clearly confused face.
“Repeat that, XO. They’re what?”

“Eggs, Cap’n!” Ben’s voice exclaimed. “They rerouted their remaining power to provide life support for their incubators! They were carrying eggs! KIDS!”

Thomas was hardly an excitable fellow after decades in space. To rouse his gander so much meant that what he was seeing was something he found absolutely fantastic. Ford felt his back slacken as he sagged back into his chair. Eggs…

“Understood, XO. What is their condition?”

“Hold…” There was some barely made-out conversation on their end as Ben conferred with Keller. Finally: “Doctor Keller says they’re barely stable, and their temperature is droppin’. Davenport’s looking for the reason.”

“But they’re alive?”

“Aye, Cap’n. Definitely alive.”

“Can you stabilize the temp?”

“I’m gonna try,” Came Davenport’s country drawl. “But I’ve never worked with alien incubation technology before.”
Ford smirked. I anyone could rig up a fix for this situation, it was Ron.

“You go ahead, Ron. Just don’t scramble ‘em.”

“I like mine over easy, anyway, Cap’n,” The chief of ops said back. “We’ll get back to ya.”

Ford sat in silence, looking at the tiny ship on his screen. He felt at once relieved and amazed. He was glad they found the frigate in time. To think… they’d come through all this space and hazard, and rescued children who weren’t even born yet. Alien children.
“Coming up on a break in the plasma string cluster, Cap.” Bronstien’s tired resonance reported from helm. The kid sounded like he could use a break. “I read clearing space on the other end.”

“Confirmed, Captain.” Ops supplied.

“Keptin,” There was ice in Nechayev’s own tone. It caused the captain to swing his chair to face the weapons chief. The bearded Russian looked down at him. “I am also reading a large wessel within the clearing. Definitely of Gorn design. She’s detected us. Both of us…”





Commander Thomas made a face of pure aggravation that no one in the galaxy could see. The Gorn could not have shown up at a worse time. He turned away from the spot on the deck where Surall and Davenport had opened a machinery hatch and were diving into the alien workings beneath.

“Cap’n, we’re gonna have a problem then.”

“Why. Something gonna delay beam-out?”

“Yeah. The incubator system is nearly at shutdown level. The power system directed to it has almost been depleted and Ron’s already started patching the supply from his rifle to it. If we hadn’t caught this just now, I doubt the eggs would’ve made it for another hour or two. How far out is the Gorn ship?”

“At impulse power, another seventeen minutes. They’ve detected us, and I believe they know you’re aboard their ship.” The captain told him. Ben could hear the building tension in his CO’s voice. As always, he felt a slight twinge of concern for his friend’s cardio health.

Ben looked back to his officers, who were hooking leads from the phaser power pack to the EPS cables of the alien system. This was going to take some time. The wisest option, for their sakes, was probably to get the hell off this ship. Doing so was a death sentence for the kids in those eggs.

“Ron and Surall are switching the incubator to our supply now. I figure this will take them the better part of a half an hour to finish. We’ll still be here working when the Gorn are knocking on our door.”

“I’ll stall ‘em if I can. Ford out.”

Thomas stepped closer to his men. Both Smith and Keller’s suits twisted as the people within looked at him. “How much trouble are we in, Commander?” Asked the British voice.

“Could be a lot if the Captain can’t get them to understand why we’re here.”

“What’ll we do if they board us?”

Ben had only one answer for such a thing.
“We’ll defend ourselves. Get your weapons ready and make sure they’re set for max stun. Smith, you and me will man the door. Keller, you’ll cover the other officers and remain behind the incubator for cover. Hopefully they won’t be too keen on firing with their kids so close by.”

As he and his men moved to their positions, Thomas considered the irony of fighting a battle he didn’t want in the middle of a nursery.





Ford looked at the hazy image of the boxy warship that was gliding their way. This vessel was many times the escort’s mass, and had six times the firepower. Endeavour would be hard pressed in a confrontation with such a beast. But he did not intend to let it come to that. Ford glanced at the relief comm officer.

“Bates, hail the Gorn warship.”

“On speakers, Captain.” The Southerner replied.

“Gorn vessel,” Ford began, trying to sound calm and nonplussed. “This is Captain Ford of the USS Endeavour. We mean no harm to your escort craft and are rendering assistance to the children it carries.”

The viewer snapped to show the growling image of a huge, huffed up Gorn with nearly black eyes. The alien had a short, broad snout denoting its feminine nature. Her teeth were bared and the snarling yowl of language coming from the overheads did not sound friendly. Ford instantly looked to comm for explanation.

Mister Bates looked back with even more confusion.
“The UT didn’t catch a lick of it, sir. I think she’d using a different language than what we’ve encountered. Or maybe her vernacular is different.”

Ford looked back to the viewer. The Gorn captain gesticulated with a thick, clawed finger. Her growling rant hadn’t slowed yet and had only grown louder. She advanced menacingly toward her visual pickup.

“Work faster, Comm!” Ford shot at the short officer.

The Gorn on screen punched a key. A gravelly reproduction of Ford’s own voice came back over the speakers. “I’ll stall ‘em if I can. Ford out.”

“Oh-sh*t.” Ford breathed out. He’d been taken out of context. The alien captain may not have even heard or understood the rest of what they’d intercepted between himself and Thomas. They did, however, know that he’d been planning to buy his men time.

“You have to understand, Captain,” he reasoned with her. “My people are trying to get your incubator system back online. If they hadn’t been there, it’s likely your children would have died already. If you’ll just accelerate your approach, we’ll gladly hand the job over to you.”

Finally, English began to spill from above, high pitched and grating though it was.
“—Your people will vacate our ssship immediately, Captain! Your attemptsss at essspionage will go no further! It is no coincidence yoursss isss the only ssship in the area of our injured craft.”

Ford was further stunned. This situation was sinking into an abyss that it shouldn’t ever have gone into. He was on a rescue mission. Now they thought he was responsible for the destruction of their craft?

“We’ve done nothing to your ship.”

“Yet you are aboard it!”

“My people are in the nursery section with the surviving eggs—“

There were times when one knew things had gotten out of hand. The moment the Gorn captain screeched and killed the comm link was among those times. The warship on the screen accelerated, growing larger much more swiftly.

“They have gone to varp!”

“Red alert!” The Captain settled himself securely into the conn and strapped a safety belt over his lap. The bridge lighting dimmed and became highlighted in bloody tracers. The bark of the alarm had officers racing to their posts and guards taking position near each entrance. Ford figured he had about a minute till the Gorn battleship was within weapons range. “Tactical, tractor the frigate to within one hundred meters of the fantail and deploy our aft shields around it. Standby forward weapons. Comm, keep trying to hail the Gorn back and get me Mister Thomas.”

***


Dum-dum-DUUUMMM!!!

Let me know any thoughts on the above. Bash it if you want. But no matter what, enjoy!

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2006, 11:52:14 am »
enjoy i did but still.... it left me wanting for more. Q: How did that gorn listen in to that convo. I mean, i'd scramble that message just as a precation.
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2006, 11:30:44 pm »
Yeah...that wouldn't have looked suspiscious. They were pretty well screwed either way. Mostly I just thought it would add fire to the Gorn skipper if she'd listened in and got pissed off over what she thought she heard.

I imagine alot of Fleet comm has some kind of scrambel to it. I also don't figure its that hard to break into hand communicator channels and decode them. One might also decide this is WHY she took what he said out of context. Their decoding might have been faulty or such. Doesn't really matter. Just a story.

Glad you're enjoying, Reap. Sorry it left youy wanting. How bout this...another chapter....


CH. 6




“It just hit the fan, XO!” Ford’s voice rang within the executive officer’s helmet. “I don’t know what’s up the Gorn captain’s tail, but she’d incoming, weapons hot. We’re gonna do what we can to shield you, but I need y’all to get off that ship now!”

Ben looked down to where Ronald was still working with the EPS interface whose guts were spilled across the deck. “I’m all for it, Cap. But Davenport has this thing's innards everywhere. If he doesn’t finish the repair, the incubator will crash.”

“I should’ve ordered y’all not to tamper with the thing.” Ford groused at himself. Ben scoffed.

“You’d have done it too if you’d led the party. We don’t let kids die, even when they ain’t hatched yet.”

“Do what you can, but if you are boarded, we’ll beam you back. I don’t want a gunfight over there. They can finish the repair on their own if they want to fight us.”

“Understood, Endeavour. Thomas out.”

Davenport glanced back over to the rest of the party.
“You guys can go ahead. I’ll stay behind and get this thing goin’. No need in risking everybody.”

“Negative,” was Surall’s immediate come back. “You will require my assistance in patching the ODN output to the induction assembly.”

Thomas stopped further loyal outpourings before they could be uttered.
“We’re all stayin’ put. If something goes wrong out there, we’re gonna need as many people as we can get to bail our asses out. The Cap’n will figure out the other details. If he can get ‘em talking, we’ll be a step closer to fixing all this.”




“They are dropping out of varp and approaching at high impulse.” Lieutenant Nechayev called off. The Gorn warship was bearing down on them, nearly within firing range. “They’re main veapons have locked on.”

Ford nodded, watching the screen and accepting a phaser pistol from a security spec that was distributing them to all hands. “Understood. Return active lock. Target shields only.”

“Aye, Keptin. But I don’t think they vill be so kind.”

“Me neither.”

Blue energy coils came alight upon the prow of the alien battleship, and coursing arcs of electroplasma focussed onto a sharp weapon plane just under the ship’s upper chin formation. Ford keyed the intercom. “All decks, brace for impact.”

“Veapons range…now.” Reported tactical.

A brilliant blue bolt of rippling energy leapt away from the Gorn’s plasma weapon and rushed toward Endeavour. The captain grabbed a tight hold on the grips of the conn and lurched forward painfully as the bolt struck the forward shield. The effect was like to a sledgehammer slamming into a windshield. The forward screens came alive with torrents of expended energy and seemed to crackle under the strain. Endeavour heeled backward, throwing her people forward as her maneuvering systems tried to compensate.
Behind the conn, Nechayev held stubbornly to his weapons console, thanking providence for the inertial dampeners in the deck beneath him. The specialist manning the after sensor console behind him was not so solid and fell on his rear beside the security chief. The shields thundered and moaned as they drew more power. Warning lights and sirens wailed across the bridge.
The gravity righted as the assault of the powerful weapon ended.

“Forward shields down to six percent, Keptin. I am routing auxiliary power to main generators.” Daniel worked swiftly, fearing another strike before they were ready.

“Helm, take us to full impulse!” Ford called out. “Evasive maneuvers to starboard. Bring our port deflectors to bear.”

“Aye!” Bronstien shouted back.

The captain could see more plasma gathering at the tips of smaller weapons planes. Various gunnery ports were wheeling open and aiming home on the Federation starship. Relations with these people were never more than mediocre, but Ford did not want to worsen them by starting an open shooting match. He could see no other recourse, however. He would not allow them to destroy his ship.

“Open fire, all weapons!”

The full might of the Excelsior-Class starship opened up on the alien war vessel. Pulsating lances of phaser fire and rushing onslaughts of torpedoes pummeled the Gorn in return for their hostility. The Gorn’s secondary armament added vehemence to their earlier imprudence. Smaller plasma projectiles and long streams of rail cannon fire raked the portside shields of the streamlined Endeavour. The human ship’s deflectors flared under the strain, fluttering and allowing the bursts of ionized energy to leave black char marks on the pristine hull. Endeavour staggered in her course and bobbled to the right.

The Gorn, however, under the hammering force of Endeavour’s guns, lost much of its own protection. The Excelsior’s photon warheads blasted apart its defensive shields and blackened an already dark hull. The massive warship was forced to present another side to her foe lest she take real damage.

“Gorn forward shields down to ten percent. Damage to her forward life support. No breaches.” Called out the spec at science. Ford was becoming less and less concerned about damaging the Gorn’s hull.

“Our port deflectors have fallen to twenty percent. Several rail cannon projectiles have impacted on the hull.” Called out an engineer. “Damage is minimal.”

Gorn rail cannon hurled seven foot long spikes of tritium, propelled by tremendous electromagnetic force. At nearly the speed of light, the cannon rounds quite often found their way through a target’s fully functional shielding. They could be as dangerous as many much more advanced weapons.

“Helm, down ninety degrees starboard yaw. Roll the ship!” Ford ordered Bronstien. This would take the two damaged shield arcs out of the enemy’s sights, and it would also bring their own escort between them and Endeavour. Hopefully they would not risk shooting at it. “Lock aft photons on her power grid. We have to take down her weapons.”

“Aye, Keptin!”

The battleship’s portside guns opened up on Endeavour as the Federation ship gained distance. The ship rumbled under this new assault even as Nechayev opened up with the aft weapons.

“Enemy firing now with rail cannon only,” said the science tech. “Ventral shielding weakening to sixty percent…” Another blast rocked them. Sparks twinkled down from an overhead conduit above the conn. “Fifty-two percent now.”

Nechayev paused in his bashing of the enemy to glance up at Ford.

“Enemy is turning to follow us, Keptin. Torpedoes have dropped her portside shields. I have scored one direct hit on her portside engineering hull. Negative results.”

The science tech chimed back in.
“Their engineering hull is heavily armored in belted layers of tritium and duranium. We’ll need concentrated fire to weaken it.”

“Gorn bearing on our aft vector!” Nechayev again. “Aft torpedoes cycling, switching to phasers!”

On the viewer, streams of agitated plasma intersected the image of the bulky vessel coming in on their tail as the three primary aft phasers fired in two second long bursts. The now rebuilt forward screens of the Gorn ship glowed an emerald color and faltered as they again were penetrated. A final shot from the aft beams sliced a glowing white scar across a lesser-armored section of the alien’s forward hull. Atmosphere belched out of the burning slash and carried flotsam into space.

The Gorn them fired their primary plasma cannon. This time, though, they supplemented it’s destructive capacity with all of their secondaries. The main, sapphire shot was flanked by smaller bursts of white energy and jagged lighting bolts of the rail guns. All of this fell on Endeavour’s aft shield. It crumpled with barely a gasp and the ship went reeling around on her axis. Rail cannon tracers slued aside, tracking down the length of the starboard warp nacelle that was suddenly in the line of fire. The engine module virtually imploded from the repetitive force of the tritium slugs. Sparks of energy and billowing puffs of turquoise plasma coughed out from breached conduits as the starship spun through free space.

The Gorn frigate was flung free, Endeavour’s tractor beam having lost its grip.

“Damage to the starboard nacelle!” Screamed the noncom engineer at the left consoles. “We’re venting drive plasma! Warp drive offline!”

“Aft shields have failed, Keptin!” Nechayev added, clinging to his own board against the whirlpool of conflicting forces on the bridge. “Aft phasers offline!”

“Gorn are closing in!” Came from science. “Sixty thousand kilometers, closing!”

Ford expected what was coming. He was already unstrapping his belt to free himself of the conn even as his hand found his phaser. He was not surprised when the intruder alert siren began to wail.




Thomas was finding it harder and harder to remain balanced as the frigate they were aboard continued to slew from side to side. Endeavour was certainly deep in battle with the Gorn, and their evasive maneuvers were making life impossible. The warbling oscillation of his ship’s tractor beam changed pitch and volume over and over as it emanated from the outer hull.

Thomas held tightly to a handrail near the door he and Smith guarded and shouted at Davenport.

“How much longer?”

“Nearly done, XO!” Ronald hollered back through the comm. Ben blinked.

“I thought you said it’d take nearly a half hour!”

“When have you ever known a repair man to be honest about how long it takes to fix things? Remember, I’m an engineer at heart!”
The ops chief said. He made some final attachment to the power grid he’d rigged up and clambered to unsteady feet. “It’s done!”

A final lurch sent them all rolling to their backs, no matter what they’d been holding onto. Commander Thomas resisted for one of the few times in his life the urge to curse vehemently. He used the butt of his weapon to help bring him back to his mag-booted feet. Something was wrong.

“The vibrations from the hull.” Surall shouted. She too was climbing to her feet. “Endeavour’s tractor beam has been cut off.”

Ben felt the change as well. The deck was still for the first time since their arrival. He leveled his rifle on the hatch. “Weapons up! Set to wide beam and prepare for—“

The sparkling yellow fields of Gorn transporters deposited amid them a full squad of angry, vac-suited Gorn soldiers. The immediate flash of gauss rifle fire staggered the XO from his footing and caused him to fall backward. He managed to catch the reptile nearest him with a wash of blue phaser energy that caused it to stumble drunkenly. Ben thudded to the deck and rolled away. Already he could see Surall lying on her side, suit holed and green blood pooling on the deck and floating upward. Keller was blasting away from behind the incubator, her pistol firing concentrated shots and dropping the alien behemoths one man at a time.

Smith took a hit, a burst of tritium bullets to the thigh as he ran for better cover. The kid screamed so loud it deafened Ben inside his own helmet. Ben shot the Gorn that had got the boy, nailing him with a wide burst before he could finish the kid off. The exec was scrambling back on his rump as he fired. Once he reached the far bulkhead, he used its solid barrier to wriggle his way back to a full stance. His rifle found another victim, who sagged to his knees before he could fire on the now retreating doctor.

A very large Gorn, the officer of the group, snapped his head in Thomas’s direction and yowled to his nearest soldier. That Gorn strode across the bay in three steps as Ben drew a bead on him. Thomas was too slow. The huge alien batted the human’s weapon away with a stroke of his own rifle butt and then slammed the rear of his weapon into his enemy’s stomach. Ben coughed out bile and probably blood and he bounced off the bulkhead and sagged forward. He balled up his meaty fists, however, and slugged the armored being in his solar plexus. The Gorn coughed himself and backpedaled. Ben followed up his punch with a roundhouse right, catching the lizard’s helmet and cracking its visor. Ben was too close in for the Gorn to use his rifle.

All other weapons fire had stopped by this point. Thomas was the only Starfleet officer still on his feet.

The Gorn abandoned his weapon and resorted to brute strength. Ignoring Mister Thomas’s repeated punches, the alien planted its grav-boots to either side and grabbed a good hold on his attacker’s helmet. He then began to squeeze.

Ben grabbed the Gorn’s hands and tried to prize them off. But to no avail. His visor splintered even as the bowl shaped alloy of the helmet began to crush painfully down about his head. The last thing Ben heard was a sickening wet crunch before everything fell to darkness.





Captain Ford pushed up from the conn and let the centrifugal force of Endeavour’s spin take him where it may as the Gorn before him opened fire. Rounds chattered from within the short barrel of the huge rifle and shredded the command chair and its metal frame. Screams echoed throughout the bridge as officers found themselves in equal predicaments. Not all of them had had escape plans.

Two Gorn had materialized in front of the viewer and opened up on their preselected targets. Bronstien shouted an unintelligible grunt and dove to the right. The poor kid at ops was sawed in half.

Ford rolled to a crouched stance beside the rail and returned fire on his attacker. The huge lizard rasped out a yell and toppled over. But he was not unconscious. Ford could still see his hand grasping at the far rail as he arrested his fall. The captain fired another, longer blast into the alien’s back for good measure.

More phaser fire blinded the hunkering CO as the lift guards opened up with short bursts from their rifles. More Gorn fell, but still more transported aboard. Ford could hear the chatter from forgotten comm units as other decks befell a similar fate. The Gorn were beaming in all over.

“Keptin, ve must abandon the bridge and get you to safety!” Yelled Nechayev, who despite a bloody wound to his right shoulder was making his way to the captain. Daniel dropped two Gorn charging him with a single, long phaser shot that also scorched the ops console. Ford shot another off his weapons officer’s back. The lieutenant skidded to a halt beside Chevy.

“The escape hatch to deck two, Keptin. I’ll cover you!”

“I don’t think so, Lieutenant!” Ford said, still firing. God these bastards were hard to put down! “They’re not getting my bridge!”

***

Maybe this chapter will not leave you wanting... Tho I note again that La'ra did not post what he thought about the previous post...

Poo.

later, all!
-thu guv!


'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #29 on: August 11, 2006, 02:24:38 am »
But it did m! it's a can of compressed action bursting and I love it! GIMME MORE! :D
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #30 on: August 11, 2006, 09:41:30 am »
That's cuz I told you what I thought the other day, and when I do that, I often forget to post it here.

I WAS right about what they'd been protecting, though.  That made me happy.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #31 on: August 19, 2006, 10:17:10 am »
I have to say I'm not overy enamoured of the battle. Or rather, the reasoning for it, since the battle is done well enough.
If the Gorn incubators will last an hour or two even before the first phaser pack was patched in, why not simply abandon ship when the gorn showed up? 17 minutes was not enough time for them to fail. The battle isn't even neccessary, it is... wasteful.

Also, If the captain knew what was coming and had managed to unstrap himself and grab his phaser, why didn't he warn his bridge crew? He could have yelled a warning to get away from their seats before the intruder alarm started up. Instead, a couple of crew get killed with no warning.

Sorry, this one leaves me cold.
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Offline Vipre

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #32 on: August 19, 2006, 01:00:53 pm »
I have to say I'm not overly enamoured of the battle. Or rather, the reasoning for it, since the battle is done well enough.
If the Gorn incubators will last an hour or two even before the first phaser pack was patched in, why not simply abandon ship when the gorn showed up? 17 minutes was not enough time for them to fail. The battle isn't even necessary, it is... wasteful.

Also, If the captain knew what was coming and had managed to unstrap himself and grab his phaser, why didn't he warn his bridge crew? He could have yelled a warning to get away from their seats before the intruder alarm started up. Instead, a couple of crew get killed with no warning.

Sorry, this one leaves me cold.

1) I think the captain expected intruders, but I doubt he expected them to strafe the chairs. Also seemed like there was no time to yell out since the intruder alarms were going off before he could make it out of his chair.

2) The line about how long the incubators would have lasted does seem a bit off, might have been better to just say they wouldn't have lasted another 30 minutes.

3) The battle is wastefull (I thought that was the point?). It stems from distrust and miscommunication. Choice 1 "Beam out and risk letting the children die" not quite starfleet    Choice 2 "Save the children and risk a battle"

Humanitarianism does indeed have its drawbacks.

More more more! This is a really well done story.
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   If aliens are real please let them know that I'm formally requesting asylum from the freakshow that is humanity."

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #33 on: August 21, 2006, 11:26:15 pm »
Glad to see SOMEONE apprieciates it.

Why it WAS is a wasteful battle!!!!! That WAS the point, as the above individual mentioned. So far as all the reasons the fight happened, Vipre is head on in my book.

Sorry I no longer meet up to your standards of Trekdom, Andy.

The Gorn CO is a plain and simple hot-head. One of those you'd wonder how the hell she got the command to begin with. This is why she is in the story to begin with. As the title is meant to suggest, this is a story ABOUT distrust toward those who do good. The saying goes: 'No good deed goes unpunished'. That one saying brought on the whole plot line for this story, which apparently to some is quite abominable. <--And yes, that is probably MISSPELLED!

The premis for these latest Endeavour stories is to be one thing: Different. I'm tired to hell of old-Trek. I'm sick of SFB & C. I'm tired of the mediocre novels I've read in the past 10 years. The only ones worth reading right now are those of the Vanguard series. I'm not a great writer, but at least I try something different from what's already out there. My captain and his exec bend the rules past the point of breaking them. Hell, they cover evidence up to get the right thing done (spoiler for later story...). People don't like them and they're ok with it. Including their higher commanding officers (spoiler, again). They make mistakes, sometimes I will have them blatanly make blindingly bad decisions based on what they thought was right at the time, or just because it was what they wanted to do. They're human.

Did Ford make a bad decision leaving his men aboard that Gorn escort. Probably. Did he think so at the time? No. Would he rather have brought them home? Yes. Did he want to fight? No. Did the Gorn wait long enough to have all the information before jumping to conclusions? No. She's a Xenophobe and not a great commander. Is she the worst...? Not likely. She is, after all, from a race of Xenophobic lizards. Not a good basis for a peaceful contact.

But, Andy, you may find some solace in the fact that the Sector Commander of the area agrees with you in the upcoming story #6.

So far as the captain having time to grab his phaser and unstrap from his seat, I don't know how long its takes most people to get out of a seatbelt, but I myself can do it rather handilly. I've races dirttracks, and even a five point harness comes off in less than a second. And while you don't see it on most Trek shows, when Yellow Alert sounds, Ford sends some poor jackass around passing out phaser pistols and the security guards...oh hell, I don't know, they go grab rifles! Pretty sure I've mentioned it in passing at least once. Maybe not in this tale, but it's established.

 :soap:

Alrighty then...anger purged. Sorry to rankle feathers, Andy. Been a ruff couple of months. Ask Larry about it if you care to.

To Vipre, thank you for the post!

Anybody care for more, or should I just go away?

-thu guv.
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #34 on: August 22, 2006, 01:29:39 am »
Well you are a bit hotheaded at the moment so maybe...


you could focus that excess energy in giving us more? ;)
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Vipre

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #35 on: August 22, 2006, 01:48:33 am »
Go away my @$$!! I don't think so. I was serious, I want to know how the battle ends. Aside from the obvious "Overall the good guys win" aspect, I wanna know how the away team fares. Hearing a crunch and passing out isn't usually a good thing.

Also wanted to mention that I like the fact Thomas doesn't like being called "Number One" I wouldn't be able to stand it either.
In fact had I been Riker I might have smacked Picard in the head about halfway though the first season of TNG
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #36 on: August 22, 2006, 09:13:00 am »
Keep posting, man.  You know I like these enough that I don't read the files you sent me just so I'll get the cliffhanger effect here. ;D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #37 on: August 22, 2006, 05:11:34 pm »
Hey, if you're ticked off, it does good to vent. It's just a bit unpleasant to be the one vented at. *grin* Don't worry about it.

I do, however, take issue with the below statement.

Quote
Sorry I no longer meet up to your standards of Trekdom, Andy.

I never said that you don't, and don't put words in my mouth. My problems with that last chapter has nothing to do with my "standards of Trekdom", and I thought I was making a valid point about the construction of that situation.

I have always enjoyed your stories, and pretty much posted as such. I enjoy the hell out of your characterisations for the very reasons you list. I like this difference.

What I meant with my post was that the easiest course of action as I saw it was just to beam off the Gorn ship. The kids would likely survive for another hour, and the Gorn rescue ship was due in 17 mimutes. "Beam the hell off and stand the hell back" seemed to be the order of the day there. A better approach there to get the effect you wanted would be to have the 1 hour time limit on the kids' life support, but have the rescue ship ETA at 2+ hours. Cut forward to 17 minutes left, the away team had a problem and can't rig more than one phaser pack in at a time (technology mismatch), and they only power the life support for 30 minutes apiece.

Take it for what it's worth to you. I don't intend feather rankling with my reply here, but neither am I going to stand as a whipping boy. Think of it as an appropriate response for a Klingon :P
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #38 on: August 22, 2006, 09:15:42 pm »
The idea of Ford leaving his crew there for 17 minutes to continue to work on the problem had many reasons.

1) He was going to make sure the kids lived. Period.
2) He also wasn't going to beam his men away just as soon as the Gorn saw them as though he had something to hide. He made his decision to help and stood by it.
3) 17 minutes was more than enough time for his men to at least stabilise the eggs or decide to cut and run before the Gorn came into weapons range. Ford was going to give his men till weapons range to attempt this, then he was going to beam them out. He said as much to Thomas. The Gorn making their warp jump into weapons range before those 17 minutes passed killed this plan and can be seen as a miscalculation on his part. He did not expect them to make that maneuver in the tight confines of the plasma field.

I'll be the last to say my work isn't flawed, but I will defend what I don't see as being broken.

I DO appologize, however, for the 'standards of Trekdom' remark. You are correct, and my venting did piss all over you. Mucho sorry!

I just got aggravated over what I saw as critisism over something meaningless. Perhaps it isn't, and I simply didn't illustrate the point well enough in the story's writing. Hopefully the above points will illuminate what I did not in the text of the tale. But I truely do not see the issue. But, I also am not a professional writer. I fill spare time on breaks at work on my laptop and write these stories, and edit them, all while the dairy manager (for detail, I am the frozen foods manager at a grocery store...) smacks cold soup right out of the can, takes off his stinky-ass shoes and babbles inainly at me about God and other things I could do to make my life better... How I can even write a straight sentence is beyond my imagination, but it does happen.

Anywho, forgive my rant. I shall post more soon.

To those who are enjoying, bear with me!

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: 'No Good Deed'--Story #2
« Reply #39 on: August 23, 2006, 09:02:51 am »
Now see here? This is what's known as "diplomacy". *grin*

1) a story was slightly unclear to a reader
2) a comment to this effect was misunderstood
3) a strong defence was launched, going slightly on the offensive
4) the defence was accepted, the offence stood up to and repulsed
5) peace is achieved and mutual respect all around.

We rock.

PS. You poor bastard. I can't stand self-righteous people. I try to avoid preaching whenever I can--not that I do much of it. Someone invites a conversation, I'm now pretty good at arguing my case instead of just reluctantly listening to theirs. It shows I have an opinion! *grin*

Captain Reynolds said it right (paraphrasing): "People don't like a man of God. Makes them feel uncomfortable and judged."
(Larry, I'm sure you have Mal on tap and can correct this, so feel free to do so.)

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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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