Topic: #14: Relaunch  (Read 15592 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
#14: Relaunch
« on: October 29, 2007, 01:28:45 am »
The editting may not be as good in this as in some. Bear with it, please. My heart just wasn't in it [the editting, not the writing].

This tale was inspired by a rare Trek dream I had about 2 years back. Said dream encompassed as scene which is actually near the tale end of this much longer, more detailed story. This story is also set in TMP/STVI era, where the dream was TOS... Anyway...hope it is enjoyed...


Star Trek: Endeavour
Relaunch
Prologue





“I don’t care about the traffic! Just get me out to my frelling ship!”

The pilot nodded in frightened quickness at the sound of the anger within the gravelly voice that commanded him. The conscripted soldier (and former convict) said nothing more to the Over Warden, now called Over General, but went about the process of killing the power umbilicals leading to their shuttle. Once the small craft was untethered from the construction command station, he released the docking latches and triggered the aft boosters. Without further delay, they were drifting through the congested patterns of craft that cycled through the building yard.

Over General Jarn remained standing behind the pilot’s seat, bending his large mass over the back of it to peer out ahead through the fore screen. Jarn smelled of exotic smoke and spice, the scent of his den on Kovarn. The smell of opulence. Corruption and power. The unfamiliar scents overwhelmed the pilot, but he could do little for it. Jarn might kill him for the slightest reason, it was said. He was a tyrannical man.

But he paid well. Very well. Even the lowest ranking among his forces was a reasonably wealthy individual. The mines of Kovarn turned out a great measure of high-yield ore. Jarn spread the wealth around thickly. It made his people very loyal. They merely had to be careful where they stepped…

“What’s the hold up!” Jarn demanded. His voice was hard and thick, stony, like the rock they mined on their capitol world. The pilot glanced back uneasily into the leader’s black eyes. The grey of his flesh was darkening with anger. “I want to get there today, pilot! More power!”

“Yes, General!”

Applying unsafe measures of speed, the pilot began to weave the small craft through dizzying strings of yard traffic. He flickered his gaze several times to the navigation relay on his board, checking their position against their destination. At this speed, they’d be docked within the minute.

Jarn made a pleased sound as they pierced the weaving patterns of traffic and broke into the clear. His vessel was now in view. It was a jagged monstrosity of metal and high tech components. It was the new flagship. Built to combat any kind of Federation starship, the craft had a slim profile when facing her enemy head on. She packed extreme amounts of firepower, possessed two warp cores, one of them dedicated strictly to weapons power. She had six impulse drives, four warp nacelles and heavy belts of tiburnium armor. Her shields were double what the strongest Federation ship could boast. This ship would lead them to victory against the homeworld. It would safeguard the rest of their fleet against Starfleet interference.

Jarn patted the edge of the pilot’s console in anticipation of boarding his new vessel. He’d just returned from three full days of pursuing the home government’s warships out of Kovarn space. They had suffered three attacks in the last two weeks. All had feared damage to the new flagship before she could be launched and tested. Now she was ready. Jarn would take her out to engage the fleets of their enemy, the ‘legitimate’ government of their race. Everything was ready for the final battle.

The great ship loomed in the forward view port.

Then it shredded into hand-sized fragments as the largest explosion the pilot had ever witnessed tore it to rubble. The first shockwave smashed into the shuttle, battering it with the debris it carried. The pilot’s quick reactions brought up the shields, saving them from death as more and more space flotsam, once having been the hull of the massive battleship, struck the ship from all quarters. Another wave of force struck the craft, blowing out fuses in the overhead and making the Over General duck with a curse. The pilot’s eyes were wide as the remnants of the detonation spread out into the depths of blackest space.

The battleship, their hope for a swift end to the civil war, was gone.

“What the frell was that!” Jarn’s hate driven boom demanded of the cosmos. He slammed a stone fist into the back of his pilot’s chair, clipping the top of the man’s head. Jarn staggered backward into the passenger compartment where he could stand fully. His black eyes were wide in shock, crazed with disbelief. He grabbed at the pistol at his hip and drew it forth with a spastic jerk. The pilot never saw his death coming, heard only the sound of the shot. He didn’t even have time to become frightened.
***


...yeah...couldn't help the teaser...

More soon!

--thu guv!!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Czar Mohab

  • Faith manages.
  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 564
  • Gender: Male
  • Chewie - Go jiggle the handle!
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2007, 05:55:29 am »
That's kind of mean. I mean, really... a teaser? Especially about a *Relaunch*... and Andy proofing...?

 its kind of like saying your store is having a grand reopening sale in a comercial, and then telling everyone who shows up at the store's doors, "We really meant after we've finished waxing the floors" or tossing the dog a ball once and saying, "OK, thats all, have to go clean the house, Grandpa's coming to visit."

Other than that, I'm hooked. Can I bring marshmallows to the Weenie roast?  :popcorn:

This opening might explain why the Big Bad BShip wasn't blown up by Sanchez in 13... or did they leave a present? Perhaps a Flaming Bag of Poo?

Czar "I found that gem back in '00; although, someone sent it to me in an email" Mohab, who still laughs hysterically at said Poo Bag.

P.S. Sorry to kinda threadjack. Back to the story! No more talk of poo!

« Last Edit: October 29, 2007, 09:16:01 pm by Czar Mohab »
US Navy Veteran - Proud to Serve
Submariners Do It Underwater - Nukes Do It Back Aft - Pride Runs Deep
Have you thanked a Vet lately?

Subaru Owners Do It Horizontally Opposed!
Proud Owner - '08 WRX - '03 Baja - '98 Legacy

Offline Grim Reaper

  • The 4th Horseman, the Lord of Death
  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 577
  • Gender: Male
  • Beyond the apocalypse
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2007, 08:36:19 am »
I'm with him ^.
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2007, 08:51:15 pm »
I'm so confused..

--thu guv...
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2007, 08:19:28 pm »
Perhaps more will satisfy?








CH. 1





The turbolift doors to the main bridge of the USS Endeavour parted to allow her commander, Commodore Chevis Ford, access to the command deck. The freshly shaven officer stopped, taking in the sight with pride. Every surface and console of the bridge had been repaired, replaced and revamped. It was like stepping onto a brand new starship. The rails had been freshly repainted to a brighter hue of blue than before. Every console reflected the overhead lights brilliantly. His crew, dressed in fresh new uniforms for the occasion, turned as one to look back at him with a smile…save for Lieutenant Surall.

Ford couldn’t help but return the smile. Their ship was back up and running, better than she had been before being wrecked months ago. He stepped closer to the rail surrounding the center stations and cleared his throat. “It’s that time, ain’t it?”

The ship’s new executive officer gave a grave nod. He stood next to the helm, forward and right of the command chair. “Yes, sir.” Commander Davenport answered him.
Standing to Ford’s right, the former XO patted the commodore on the shoulder roughly. Commander Thomas had remained in Starbase 23’s vicinity for a while, with Ford’s permission, to attend this relaunch. He had as much vested interest to want to see the old girl take her first strides back into the space lanes. He shared Ford’s pride in the moment. “She’s all yours again, Chevy.”

Lieutenant Smith turned his small chair away from the communications console to look at his CO. The comm officer held a command receiver to his ear, listening to a speaker on the other end of the line. “Yard control signals clear for launch, Skipper. Captain Conally sends her compliments and says ‘God Speed’, sir.”

“Tell ‘em thanks,” Ford told the young officer. Slapping his old friend on the shoulder in return for the earlier favor, Chevis took a turn around the portside sensor control console and proceeded down the steps to the command center. There he took his place in the newly reupholstered conn and settled in. He looked up to the helmsman, Lieutenant Bronstien. “Helm, report.”

“Navigation department ready, all engines online and standing by. Warp and impulse at your disposal.” This was probably the most official sounding report the young radical had ever delivered to another officer. The situation seemed to call for it…

“Operations,” Ford addressed their new second officer. “Clear all moorings.”

Lieutenant Commander Slik, their freshly transferred and promoted Gorn chief of operations, tapped his talons on the controls gently and nodded. “Moorings clear, Commodore.” He hissed.

Ford eyed the Gorn officer with amusement. When he’d found Slik’s file among the roster for this theater’s available officers, he’d been so interested that he’d had to select him for Endeavour’s bridge crew. This had meant promoting the unusual officer to the rank of lieutenant commander and ordering him into a short training session for department command. Slik had only been aboard ship for two days, but what the commodore had seen thus far impressed him. The reptilian officer took to new circumstances swiftly.

“Port and starboard RCS to station-keeping.” Ford resumed launch procedures. “Aft thrusters set to one-quarter.”

Bronstien nodded.

“Thrusters ready.”

“Take us out.”

With the most feathery burst of aft thrust, the long, sleek Excelsior-Class starship pushed ahead, stepping slowly out of the almond stained scaffold structure of the repair dock. Nearby yard hands waved to those they could see in the mighty ship’s windows. The 467 meter long vessel moved steadily out of the yard space and returned to her natural habitat: space.

The commodore leaned into the blue fabric and cushioning of his chair, running his hands over the polished and smoothed contours of its control armrests. The engineering gang had gone so far as to ensure even this chair had no remaining blemishes before their launch. He looked up to the black, star speckled viewscreen and smiled. “Helm, ahead one-quarter impulse power.”

“Ahead one-quarter, aye!”

Ronald turned to look back to the skipper.

“Course, Commodore?”

“Let’s go some place new, XO. Once we’ve met with the Tenseiga, let’s head ‘er for PL 1156B. It’s close to our patrol routes, and has only been mapped. I’d like to take her there.”

Ron nodded back, then bent low to confer with Mister Bronstien. Commander Thomas stepped close to the conn and smiled down to Chevis. “Guess that’s my queue to head, then, Skipper.” Ben told him. The big man was smiling wide and earnestly. “Good luck. Don’t get her blown up again.”

Chevis whacked the larger officer on the forearm before the other could retreat. “You just keep our shipping safe. It’s a long haul to Praadis.”

Ben Thomas continued to smile as he parted company and left the bridge. Lieutenant Nechayev saluted the departing captain as he passed by the weapons console. Ford watched as the blue lift doors closed on his friend’s form and took him away. He wondered how long it would be till he saw Ben again. Ford looked to the comm station. “Mister Smith. Signal the Tenseiga that her CO is ready to return.”

“Signaling now.”

A moment later, Lieutenant Nechayev perked up at his console.

“Tenseiga closing to transporter range.”

Davenport turned around again.

“Course set, Skipper. Engineering reports speeds up to factor seven available.”

Chevis nodded, silently getting ready for a new voyage. Things had changed some since he’d taken his ship out into deep space. He hoped he become a better man for all that had occurred in recent months. He had his doubts about the prospect, however. Another voice from the comm section drew his attention as Smith’s subordinate made her report. “Transporter room signals Commander Thomas has returned to his ship.”

“Tenseiga maneuvering clear.” Came from tactical.

“We’re clear and free to navigate.” Reported the helmsman.

“Ahead standard, helm. Let’s see what she’s got.”

***

--thu guv!!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2007, 03:22:37 am »
Despite having read this before, gotta say it's good to see her underway again.

Also fun seeing Slik turn up. ;D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

  • First Officer of the Good Ship Kusanagi
  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 1086
  • Gender: Male
  • New and improved.
    • Starbase 23
Re: #14: Relaunch - Getting one in early
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2007, 01:36:52 pm »
Hi Guv, I'll be following this one as it comes. Makes the nitpicking easier to swallow in smaller doses, right? :D

Nah, I'm, not going to torment you on this one. Having reamed you a bit on #13, and with your typo disclaimer at the start, I'll sit back and enjoy the ride.

So...

Quote
But he paid well. Very well. Even the lowest ranking among his forces was a reasonably wealthy individual. The mines of Kovarn turned out a great measure of high-yield ore. Jarn spread the wealth around thickly. It made his people very loyal. They merely had to be careful where they stepped…
Very smart Over Warden! Many an evil genius has had his downfall in a disgruntled ex-henchman.

Quote
His voice was hard and thick, stony, like the rock they mined on their capitol world.
Ref. comment on #13. A lot of Yanks have this blind spot. It's the way you see it spelled 99% of the time, not surprising you spell it that way too for a closely-related thing.

Quote
He grabbed at the pistol at his hip and drew it forth with a spastic jerk. The pilot never saw his death coming, heard only the sound of the shot.
How very Captain Krenn of him!  :D

I really liked this part. Hearing that it was Jarn's Death Star and able to out-power front-line Fed ships was worrying. I am wondering how it happened, of course. The Sanchez did not have time or opportunity to do it, so... who?
How did he get Fed-level shields? More covert rogue-Klingon aid?

[Andy has decided to avoid the Poo Bag]

Lieutenant Commander Slik... hooo boy. The crew of the Endeavour will have fun with that name for sure!

Quote
This had meant promoting the unusual officer to the rank of lieutenant commander and ordering him into a short training session for department command.
Doesn't that mean he wasn't qualified for the role? Capable, surely. But a bunch of other officers are going to be pissed at him and Ford. Hmmm... idea for a future story...

Quote
Once we’ve met with the Tenseiga, let’s head ‘er for PL 1156B.
Sounds like Stargate-style planetary designations.

A good start, but not a lot ot chew on yet. I am very interested in Jarn's reaction and subsequent actions to find out what happened to his Death Star, and what he does when he finds out.

Waiting for more.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2007, 09:12:22 pm »
Thank you, thank you!

Yeah...the way I discribed Slik's promotion DID make him seem like he wasn't up for the job. Wasn't how I intended it. Perhaps an edit or a later clarification of it.

And yes, the planetary designation was very Stargate-ish. With full intent. It is also an actual mathod of catologuing stars in real life observatories.

Jarn's DeathStar: Heh...truth be told, it wasn't as bad-ass as Jarn was bragging that it was. Could it have taken an Excelsior head on? Not likely. But it would have been hell on the main government's ships.

As to who killed it? You'll LOVE that answer...





CH. 2





Captain’s Log, Stardate 9714.6

Endeavour has entered the limits of System PL 1156B. This starsystem has already been mapped and generally catalogued by previous survey missions. One planet has been noted to bear humanoid life and I have decided to make for orbit there. We’ll undergo a general planetary survey while we’re here. I believe this will be a welcome change of pace for all hands. This crew has been through pitched battle, repeated patrols and the prolonged repair of this vessel. They need a break in the monotony, and aside from assigning them even more leave time than they’ve already used, I believe this the best release for them.

The ship is operating much as expected. We attained a speed of warp factor eight during our trip here and experienced nothing worse than a slight vibration on Deck Eight. Engineering is investigating the cause of this anomaly, but has yet to pin it down. It has caused no real problems. Beyond a few maladjusted systems we’ve noticed, this has thus far been our only glitch.

End of Log.





“Skipper, incoming personal message for you coming in on subspace frequency 713.6. Civilian band.” Lieutenant Noah Smith’s voice was saying over Ford’s desk mounted intercom. The commodore turned his leather chair around to face his desk. He’d been looking out the aft porthole, enjoying the starscape over the starboard nacelle and the sweep of the sloping saucer section. He tapped the waiting com controls, keying a response and triggering the rise of his communications viewer.

“Pipe it through, Lieutenant.”

Another bald shaven individual appeared on the CO’s monitor. The man bore mustache and goatee, both of them shot with grey. His hooded eyes bespoke of a lifetime of fighting and violence. He was a man who enjoyed both. Unlike Ford, he was allover covered in developed and toned muscle. He worked hard to maintain a fit physique. More than fit, he looked like a body builder. Her wore a light vest of energy ablative armor and armed individuals moved around in the background behind him. When he recognized Ford, the man inclined his head a bit.

“Package delivered, Commodore. The recipient was pleased with the item.” His gruff voice told Chevis. Ford began to smile.

“Did you observe the package being opened?”

“Yeah. The destined recipient wasn’t there for the actual opening of the package, but he got to watch it. It was a big hit.” The mercenary told him. Ford was quite satisfied.

“Too bad. I figure he would’a liked what I got him. Payment is in the usual account. There’s a bonus for quick delivery, Rex.”

Captain Rex Stevens rendered a reserved smile in return.

“We aim to please, Ford. Be seein’ ya.”

“Soon, I imagine.”

The merc nodded a final time before his visage dissolved from the screen. The ship commander leaned back, reflecting on the highly illegal act he’d just concluded with the mercenary crew of the CS Rattlesnake. The hiring of a crew to bomb a ship belonging to another, unaligned nation was something he could wind up serving a great deal of time for. The backlash of this action could be severe indeed should Command ever learn of it. But he could not with good conscience allow Jarn to have such a powerful vessel. Not given the estimated capabilities Commander Davenport had attributed to the craft. And any act to harass the Over Warden pleased Ford to no end. He determined to put the action behind him for now. He wasn’t going to even tell Davenport about this. The less his men knew, the better for them. The blame was solely his, and he’d assume total responsibility for any fall out.

The intercom squalled again.

“Skipper, we have assumed standard orbit over the second planet.” Lieutenant Bronstien informed him. The helmsman had command at the moment. It was his shift as officer of the deck. Ford again tapped the key to respond.

“On my way, Lieutenant.”

Chevy emerged on the bridge and instantly looked to the rotating green and blue world on the main viewer. It was a sparkling paradise, or seemed so from way up high. The commodore wondered what they would find here. Lieutenant Surall, who seemed gratified to be back aboard Endeavour, was standing to address him.

“A small array of artificial satellites are evident in planetary orbit, Commodore. I count twelve. Primitive, but stable.” She told him. Ford nodded, moving closer to the brown skinned Vulcan.

“Space flight level?”

“I have yet to detect an orbiting space craft. I suspect manned, rocket propelled capsules of limited duration. There are no advanced space borne detection systems in use. Our approach has not been detected.”

“Good. Hate to cause a panic.”

The CO rounded the edge of the blue railing and made for the conn. There, Bronstien abandoned the command chair and resumed his post at the helm. The kid was still walking stiffly on his prosthetics, but he had complained little about them in the last week. Perhaps he was gaining an aptitude for them. He considered the lieutenant’s capacity to carry out a landing mission. Too many things could go wrong for the officer, were Ford to order him down there among unknown primitive aliens. Better to wait till John either became better with them or till he received his cloned replacements.

“Begin detailed scanning of the planet surface. Helm, align planetary sensor dome with the surface.” Ford began passing the first orders of the survey.

The ship rotated on her axis by 90 degrees, till her bottom pointed toward the ground below. The view of the planet morphed into a solid half globe at the bottom center of the main screen as Endeavour now literally flew over this new world. Each officer and noncom present on the bridge went through the motions they’d been trained in. Starfleet was primarily an institution of exploration and diplomacy. It was all too easy to fall away from these peaceful ideals and plunge into a militant stance. Their most recent experiences exemplified this. Now they were returning to the duties most of them had joined the fleet for.

The CO’s yeoman; a new Petty Officer named Ailee Pershing, if Ford remembered correctly; stepped up to the command dais and proffered an update on the ship’s fuel stores consumption. The commodore studied the very young looking blonde, wondering if she were truly old enough to really be a petty officer. He wasn’t the oldest man in the fleet, but times like these, when he was face to face with the fresh hands of Starfleet, reminded him of the years that had passed. He took the PADD and slowly glanced over its contents.

“The USS Constantinople originally mapped this starsystem,” Commander Davenport was now reading from the science console to all those who were listening. An accompanying graphic of the old Constitution-Class cruiser was rotating on his board. “She mapped the twelve solar bodies orbiting the Type M star and made a close pass over the second planet. Her science officer noted the inhabitants were similar to humans, possessing an advanced industrial level of technology. They were using rudimentary radio technology, perhaps even radar. This was thirty years ago, just when the fleet expanded our influence into this sector.”

“So they’ve gone from barely having wireless comm to having rockets in three decades. Not bad at all.” Ford commented as he signed off on the fuel report. He handed the PADD back to the beautiful young yeoman and gave her a smile. Pershing returned it. She didn’t speak too much. Ford couldn’t remember an instance yet of hearing her voice. She remained near to the conn, watching the viewer. Her duties weren’t that pressing, so he was inclined to let her spectate for a while.

“Now detecting low levels of gamma radiation within the planet’s atmosphere.” Surall called out, making Davenport turn suddenly and join her at the scanner panels. Ford looked over to that station, his amorous appreciation for his very young yeoman momentarily forgotten.

“They have nukes?” He asked.

“These levels of gamma radiation are indicative of advanced fission development.” The science officer responded. She raised the primary sensor scope and peered down into it for a detailed examination. “There is evidence of nuclear detonations on an island in the extreme northern quadrant. I count three distinct blast patterns and there is an extensive testing facility in place there.”

The Vulcan officer drew silent as she manipulated her controls for a time. “There is some evidence of a fission reactor north of the area… The shielding of the complex is very thick and its exhaust is commendably light for such a device. This may, however, merely be some other kind of experimentation.”

“Any evidence of nuclear powered naval vessels?” Asked the XO. It was going to be Ford’s next question as well. The commodore nodded in self-satisfaction. The officer he was grooming to one-day take over this ship was going to do very well.

“Not as yet, but it may be submerged and therefor nearly untraceable.” Surall replied.

Ford stood up from his chair and moved past the yeoman who still stood by watching all this. “Continue standard surveillance. Pick out some likely prospects for landing missions. Let me know when you’ve located a few.”
***





Commander Davenport paused before the conference roof table and looked over his gathered officers and enlisted personnel. Lieutenant’s Smith and Surall sat in their normal positions to the left of the CO’s chair at the table’s head. Newly promoted CPO Dawayne Goodwin sat next to Specialist 1st Class Kimberly McCoy near the tale of the long silver table. The two of them obviously felt out of place among the higher ranking officers, but the XO wanted them both along for this mission. He would have liked to have had Bronstien as well, but the CO had ruled him out for medical reasons.

“Only one of you has been on a cultural infiltration and study mission before.” He told them, nodding as he did to Mister Goodwin. The husky-built security officer nodded once, still uncertain. “So we’ll be going over this slowly to get it right. We’ve located a few items of interest for landing party operations, and I plan to send two teams down initially to investigate them. Other departments may pick out more locations to beam down to, but they will be under the direct purview of their department heads and will have to get cleared by the Skipper.

“Our two items are the military governed rocket launch site on the southern continent and the nuclear reactor complex on the northern continent’s surrounding islands. The first is prepping to launch a manned space vessel into orbit. We’ll be observing their procedures and recording the show from ground while Endeavour watches from orbit.”

The Chief Petty Officer held up a questioning hand.

“You said this installation is military run?”

“Yes, but a significant amount of civilian traffic has been noted. Likely observers, dignitaries and researchers.” Ron told him.

“And off-duty military.” Goodwin added. “We’re gonna have to be damn careful. And I’ll bet we’ll need base passes and the whole bag of tricks.”

Ron nodded, making a note on his PADD. He was glad to have such an experienced noncom coming along on this romp. Goodwin had been on three similar landing missions during his decade in the service. “I’ll make sure we take care of that one before we transport. We should be able to zero in on any kind of visual pass from orbit, barring bad weather. We’ll try to get as many tricorder readings as possible if a discrete method presents itself. Mostly we’re going down to watch how they do things. Surall will command this mission and you’ll be designated Team One. Team One will also be comprised of Mister Goodwin and Lieutenant Smith. Smith will be delayed, however, pending the finish of the Ya’wenn fleet intercepts he’s currently decoding.”

At this, the communications officer nodded deeply. His expression showed that he was still thinking about the traffic he’d been picking through all morning long. The boy was damn good at decryption. Ron went on.

“Team Two will be led by myself and incorporate you, Miss McCoy, as my engineering assistant and a member of the security team to back us up.” At this, Ronald looked back to Goodwin. “You have any suggestions on whom to take, Chief?”

Goodwin thought over the men and women who belonged to his security squad. “Spec One Montoya. She’s good. I think she’s been on one infil mission before, aboard the Trinidad.”

“Very well. We’ll bring her along. Type One phasers and standard away gear for all team members. We’ll try to match terrestrial clothing as closely as possible. Now, let’s go over the proposed mission sites and familiarize ourselves with the terrain.”

Ron got down to business with his people. He held off on going over the main details till Specialist Montoya could join them. He mentioned several points about problems with the Universal Translator and tricorder emissions around certain kinds of low-tech systems. He could foresee few problems beyond the normal hitches that such a mission always cropped up.
***

hope that was enjoyed...

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2007, 10:36:44 am »
This one's looking interesting.  We've never got to see the Endeavour crew on this particular kind of away mission.  Can't wait to see how their...distinctive style translates when it comes to skulking about disguised as natives.

I, of course, already knew who'd arranged the demise of Jarn's battlewagon, but I still enjoyed the revelation this time around.  Hiring out third party contractors gives plausible deniability too!  Also enjoyed the mention of the Constantinople, complete with her class designation.  I'm sure Andy missed her. :laugh:


Quote
“Not as yet, but it may be submerged and therefor nearly untraceable.” Surall replied.

 :rwoot:
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2007, 10:52:49 pm »
How 'bout sum more?


CH. 3





The Feldad Rocketry Field was a wide, flat expanse of former farmland set near to the coast of the Ulad Federation’s East Coast. This installation had been in place for the last ten years as the Fed government vied for the supremacy of space. The Ulads were so close to achieving their ultimate goal of reaching their planet’s moon, Col. Today’s space shot would bring them even closer to this lofty goal, as scientists would see how the moon craft delivery vehicle would function.

Said delivery vehicle was the final stage of a six-stage rocket that dominated the center of the Feldad Field. It was designed to deliver a seventeen ton moon lander into lunar orbit and allow it to undergo its half of the proposed moon mission. If this vehicle, with its current test load weighing eighteen tons, were successful, the proposed moon shot would then be a true reality.

A myriad of hopeful military and science personnel crawled all over Feldad field in anticipation of this success. The mission was destined to launch late today. The vehicle would then go out to an elongated orbit of the home planet, Jobia, launch its test load, then return. Millions would be watching on telecast and listening on radio. Thousands of people would be right here to get up-to-the-minute updates.

Lieutenant Surall’s landing team beamed in amid several of the furthest buildings within the fenced in perimeter of this field. Surall wore a long brown coat and a soft, woven cap over her sharp ears. Like Goodwin, the Vulcan woman had a prosthetic wedge of artificial flesh grafted onto her forehead and a series of slanted slits etched into her cheeks. So long as neither she nor her team was searched, they would pass for Jobians. Plastic coated copies of government security passes hung from both of their lapels. These, also, would bear under a certain amount of scrutiny.

Surall looked to her companion as the effects of transport faded away. Goodwin wore a shorter jacket than Surall. No male Jobians had been detected wearing long coats and it was assumed such might be a female-only fashion. The two of them wore similar clothing of loose, buttoned shirts of cotton and brown slacks. Once assured that they had escaped detection, the lieutenant nodded to the west exit from the path they stood within. There were few people in this section of the base. None had been within easy earshot of their beam-in. Those who might have heard might have attributed the sound to some piece of machinery in the area.

When they emerged from the alley-like space between the small white out buildings, both were treated with an awesome view of the three hundred sixty-foot tall rocket ship these people had constructed. Goodwin whistled aloud at the first sight of the thing, drawing a curious look from Surall and a few Jobians nearby. Goodwin shrugged as they set forth for the center of the field.

Largely, the two of them were ignored. Surall noticed those few who did look their way seemed to take a mild displeasure to their sight. Likely this was some example of racist sentiment among these lesser-advanced people. It was quite common among such species and probably based around the color of her flesh. The individuals who hid their sneers had all been colored as Dawayne, white skinned. She found such bigotry too offensive to be interesting even as a study specimen. She chose to ignore it.
Guards lined the closer perimeter within seven hundred feet of the rocket ship. None but cleared specialists showing their ID cards were allowed past the cordoned off area. The two of them drew to a respectable halt some distance from the craft and looked on as by standers. Dawayne bobbed around on his heels as they stood there in the cold wind. Surall found his nervous activity to be unbecoming, but she noticed several in the vicinity doing similar things to pass the time. It would add credence to their cover, so she did not attempt to correct it.

Her sharp eyes found a lofty building rising above the collected wooden structure in their area. This building had a long, wide observation platform standing out on its face, pointed toward the launching area. This would be an excellent place to take tricorder readings of the launch. At this moment, the platform seemed to be sparsely occupied.

“We should make our way toward that observatory.” She told Goodwin, inclining her face to the place in question. Dawayne looked out that way and gave a nod. They passed massed groups of Jobians, including a throng of media prepping their recording equipment.




Commander Davenport led his own team of explorers down the sidewalk of the small Jobian city they’d beamed down to. A few masses of this planet’s citizens strolled about them, going their own way. The team drew no odd glances or undue suspicion. It seemed as though they had successfully melded into the planet’s culture. So long as no one asked the wrong questions of them, they would maintain this façade.

The populace of this nation wore more anachronistic clothing than that of the people Team One was investigating. Their own, homespun wears were thick and dully colored, reminding the Mississippi native of thicker versions of overalls and jean pants. Most of these people were of a rough cut, knowing much hard labor and extreme cold from the northern climbs. Ronald liked the look of these hard working folks, but would not like to anger one of them. The look of their thick, callused hands told the commander that any one of them would likely tear him asunder with little effort.

The town about them was simple but efficient. Short, wooden buildings lined the streets and pathways. The roads were paved in simplistic tar and gravel material. Naked power lines hung from poles, snaking power through the area from home to home. They saw no obvious police presence, but there was no sign of crime or defacement. There were but a few motor vehicles.

Ron drew his people to a halt at the end of a street and studied the green and brown painted homes about them. Businesses and industry were evident further down the street. That would be their next area to visit. He looked back to his people. “Strange kind of town to put your most advanced power plant.” He commented to them.
Specialist McCoy looked about at the people passing by. She was nervous and timid in these new surroundings. Her behavior could tip the more observant of these aliens off to something amiss. She’d have to calm down. Maybe conversation would lull her into a more stable mood. Ron pressed further in his comment on the reactor. “McCoy, your opinion?”

The young woman’s hazel eyes widened as she realized he expected an answer, but then returned to normal. She knew that if she could not maintain control of herself, Davenport would have no recourse but to send her home. She forced herself to feign an air of calm and ran fingers through her straight combed red hair. “Russia’s first reactors were far removed from highly populated areas to safe guard them from accidental exposure in the event of an accident. Perhaps there is a similar purpose involved here. Endanger as few people as possible while they test their new plant.”

Ronald nodded to himself and looked aside. This idea did make sense, though placing an untested device close to any number of people at all seemed rather barbaric. But then, all the dangers of a new power system had to be tested out…

Security Specialist Dana Montoya eased closer to keep her words between them. She eased a sly smile onto her face to make it seem as though she was having intimate words with her companions. “The nuclear complex is at the far western edge of the city. We noted moderate security outside the plant and surrounding grounds. Night time would be best for a closer inspection.”

“Just how close do we intend to get to that thing?” Kimberly asked with mild anxiety. “Are we going to go inside the place?”

Ron shrugged a bit, leaning against a tall green sign.

“As close as it takes to get a good tricorder scan of that reactor. We’re not going to put ourselves in danger, but the more we find out about their power generating advancement, the better idea we’ll get about how long it’ll take them to reach warp drive.”

“So our peeking in on them like this isn’t just idle curiosity?”

“Not all of it. Though…I do think there is some voyeurism involved in missions like this.”

The three of them looked back down the lengthy street and studied the buildings at hand. Ron pointed to a white, stucco building with a gaily-painted sign on its face. “That looks like a restaurant of some sort. Let’s go sample some local cuisine while we think our insertion over.”

The trio of Starfleet explorers made their way leisurely down the walkway, ignorant of the black sedan pulling up behind them slowly. The driver of the vehicle killed the engine to avoid drawing suspicion to himself and his partner. Their quarry did not turn to look their way, and the two agents looked to one another with a small nod.
***





Commodore Ford looked up from the collection of indigenous clothing that lay on the bench in the transporter room’s prep area. Lieutenant Smith stepped timidly through the hatch from the corridor beyond. He had the same prosthetic modifications on his head and face and carried like disguise under his arm. The look on the kid’s face made the Commodore pause to wonder if Smith was truly ready to beam down to this alien world. His expression was one of intimidation.

“You alright, boy?”

Smith drew up short. The doors whispered closed behind. Ford stood totally erect to examine the junior officer. What had him so edgy? Smith didn’t seem to want to look him in the eye. “I didn’t realize you were coming along…sir…”

Chevy smirked without real amusement.

“Cap’n’s prerogative, son. I get to have some fun too. What’s swirling around in your mind, Noah?”

Smith’s mouth drew tightly as he looked away. Ford was beginning to suspect the kid had found something out that he wished he hadn’t. Smith looked back to Chevis. He bellied up and summoned the courage to speak out. “I’ve…just finished the decryption of our last intercepts from Kovarn.”

“And?”

“It’s in the report I filed. I thought you’d be reviewing it by now…”

“Well…Change of plans. I’m visiting the surface. Been years since I’ve done a mission like this. I haven’t read your report yet…” He looked to the boy, trying to prompt further information from him.

“Well…” Smith took a moment to control his breathing. Whatever this subject was, it was taxing him. “The vessel we observed in the Kovarn system was destroyed. The intercepted reports indicate…that a bomb was used to destroy it just before it went out on a shakedown cruise.”

“Jarn’s got a lot of enemies.” Ford said noncommittally. He knew the kid was smart, and didn’t put it past the lieutenant to have pieced something together. Really, he’d been expecting this eventually. The fact that Smith had done so already showed him just how intuitive the comm officer was. Ford would have to be damned careful to avoid giving the lad any more than he already had…

“Yeah… I wouldn’t have thought much about it ‘cept… You got that civilian comm from the CS Adder…which is also known as the mercenary ship Rattlesnake. The Rattlesnake was comming us from near the Kovarn end of the Tempest. My triangulation gear showed her to be at high warp, heading away from that the storms…”

Ford allowed an easy smile onto his face in an attempt to disarm the lieutenant’s suspicions. “What are you suggesting, Lieutenant Smith?”

Noah dropped his gaze to the deck. He wasn’t any surer of his theory than Ford was about his chances of covering up his actions forever. Ford stepped in close and grasped the young officer’s shoulder. “Go ahead and say it. You might even be right…”

“It…looks like you hired Rex Stevens…to blow up Jarn’s ship.”

The silence hung on the air for several seconds. Finally, the commodore smiled. They were alone in this room. None was around to hear what he was about to say. Smith already had the correct theory in mind. He was not ashamed of his action against Jarn. The man was a cruel murderer and a tyrant. A slave master. And Noah was a good man, worthy of his respect and the truth. Ford was eventually going to have to face the music over this. He wouldn’t lie to a good officer just to stave that off a short time.

“Yeah… I did. That ship would have eventually been set on us and been used to cause innumerable Starfleet casualties. We’ve already seen that the Warden is a serious threat. I couldn’t allow him to keep that ship.”

Smith stared back, wide-eyed in shock over the Commodore’s open candor. He obviously hadn’t expected Ford to admit his actions so easily. Ford studied the kid’s response and body language, wondering what he’d do. The silence was stifling.

“So, Mister Smith. What’s next?”

The kid could now report him to the ship’s XO, who would then be compelled to go through normal channels to deal with the matter. Ford’s career would end there, unceremoniously. He’d be dishonorably discharged and then imprisoned. It would still be worth it. Saving Federation lives from that monster outweighed his career.
Smith suddenly looked up and met the older man’s eyes. There was a sudden strength of resolve in the boy’s countenance. “When we first found that ship…we argued over whether to blow it up ourselves. If we’d had photon torpedoes, we’d have done it then and there. We considered a concentrated phaser barrage. It probably would have got us killed, and it would have botched our recon flight. We botched that anyway… We also would have killed everyone in the area of the construction yard. The civilian casualties among the Ya’wenn would have been very high… Your attack killed just over a hundred soldiers. I’d say it was the better deal…and it didn’t get our shuttle crew killed.”

Ford leaned back and away from the youth with entertained interest. He waited to see if the boy had more to say. When he said no more, Ford prodded a bit. “And you’re saying this to mean…”

Smith shrugged and smiled a bit.

“If I was a commodore…and I had the means to do this to safeguard my people…I probably would have. Or something similar. I’m with you, sir.”

The admission brought a surprising amount of relief to the flag officer. The kid was now a party to a conspiracy, but when the courts finally caught up to Ford, he would be sure to keep the kid out of the fallout. Smith’s loyalty was encouraging.

“Just keep this stuff under your hat. Just knowing about it could spell death to your career, and I expect you to be in that uniform, or one…similar to it…depending on future Fleet fashions…for decades to come.”

Smith smiled and offered a handshake. Ford accepted it, and the two men went about the process of donning their disguises to mingle with the life below. The two of them had forged an unspoken pact. One that would open up future avenues, and likely bring future pains along with it. But for now, they would put it past them and concentrate on a lighter hearted mission.
***

--thu guv!!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Grim Reaper

  • The 4th Horseman, the Lord of Death
  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 577
  • Gender: Male
  • Beyond the apocalypse
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2007, 02:59:05 am »
Quote
Smith smiled and offered a handshake. Ford accepted it, and the two men went about the process of donning their disguises to mingle with the life below. The two of them had forged an unspoken pact. One that would open up future avenues, and likely bring future pains along with it. But for now, they would put it past them and concentrate on a lighter hearted mission.

I love this. But the omnious note with the gestapo/kgb/nsa like stalkers makes me wonder how much lighter hearted it will be.

Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2007, 03:10:28 am »
Another great chapter in a fine series.

Under normal circumstances, the scene with Smith and Ford would've been my favorite part of the story so far.  It was...well done, showing us just how smart the younger officer is (not often seen on Trek) and showing us, once again, that Ford doesn't ignore the possibility of negative consequences when he operates in a manner not expected of a Starfleet officer.  Too often fan fic heroes who use similar methods never acknowledge the vulnerable position it puts them in, or worse, escape such consequences with a flippant remark or two.

So why isn't it my favorite scene?  Simply because I really enjoyed the descriptions of the native folk, the details of the landing teams blending in and observing.  I liked Surall's realization of the native's prejudice's and her ignoring it despite her displeasure.  I liked Davenport's fond appraisal of the simpler folk in the small town.  Both scenes painted a good picture for me. 

Anyway, keep it rolling.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

  • First Officer of the Good Ship Kusanagi
  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 1086
  • Gender: Male
  • New and improved.
    • Starbase 23
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #12 on: November 06, 2007, 12:42:02 pm »
Chapter 2 comments:

Quote
We attained a speed of warp factor eight
I realise your Helm said only up to warp 7 was available so kudos to ChEng for getting an extra factor and almost 200 more multiples of lightspeed out of her, but are you using TOS or TNG warp speeds? My Excelsiors can reach warp 11.81 on the TOS scale. The changeover date for TOS to TNG warp scale is undefined, but people seem to like the 2310s or 2320s for it.

Quote
The hiring of a crew to bomb a ship belonging to another, unaligned nation was something he could wind up serving a great deal of time for.
Why that sneaky, underhanded, low down, brilliant son-of-a-bitch!  ;D  So, that's his revenge for the last few arguments he lost... hehehe
Nice one Guv. I really liked that.

Quote
The intercom squalled again.
Nice sound-imagery (if you'll forgive the poor grammar ;)) I like the use of that word, it evokes a certain frame of mind in the listener, since we all know what a com-page sounds like.

Quote
He considered the lieutenant’s capacity to carry out a landing mission.
Good to see he isn't being flung in over his head, possibly jeopardising the safety of his crewmates and the mission. Baby steps, as it were.

Ailee Pershing, hmmm? Will she go like a rocket? :D  Always good to see hot women in uniform. Admittedly, I think it would be funny if someone Freudian slips on her, and refers to her as "Pretty Officer Pershing"... but my sense of hunour can be kinda lame at times.

Ah, Larry's Constitution-class USS Constantinople. You know, you have the Trek way of naming ships down pat, guys.

That is: Very annoying.   >:( :P ;D

Quote
“Not as yet, but it may be submerged and therefor nearly untraceable.” Surall replied.
I'm pretty sure some Cold War era novels had SSBNs being tracked by a blue/green orbital laser that can cut through interference. If it was nearly possible then, it sure as hell should be in another 300 years. Besides, Endeavour could run a pretty detailed MAD scan of the whole planet in not too long a time. She's all set up for that with her subspace and realspace sensors. Dunno why Larry "woot"-ed over this line.  :huh:

Ah, landing parties going after the secret military installations! How very! ;D  No cultural intelligence missions to find out the price of fish and how they haggle for it on this world?  :angel:
And you're sending a Vulcan down in the first party? Shouldn't you be a bit more cautious if they're Humanoid?

Miss McCoy.. I cannot see that name without immediately thinking "Medical". Kinda jarring to have her an engineer, but that was the point, so well done.

Ch 3 comments later.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2007, 05:06:56 pm »
Quote
Ah, Larry's Constitution-class USS Constantinople. You know, you have the Trek way of naming ships down pat, guys.

That is: Very annoying.   >:( :P ;D

Don't see why that's annoying....she's clearly named for another famous ship named Constantinople, since all the others seem to follow said naming convention.  Enterprise, Yorktown, Potemkin, etc.

 ;D

Quote
I'm pretty sure some Cold War era novels had SSBNs being tracked by a blue/green orbital laser that can cut through interference. If it was nearly possible then, it sure as hell should be in another 300 years. Besides, Endeavour could run a pretty detailed MAD scan of the whole planet in not too long a time. She's all set up for that with her subspace and realspace sensors. Dunno why Larry "woot"-ed over this line.  :huh:

Because I like submarines, and any bit of 'not perfect' with Star Trek sensors is a good thing.

Also, a Magnetic Anamoly Detection scan might not work...many subs today are constructed of non-magnetic materials or, in some cases, have their steel hulls 'degaussed', rendering them magnetically neutral.  It's not a new idea, either, so while these folks seem late '50's or early 60's technology wise, it's possibile any such vessels they have have been constructed in such a manner.

And I believe the blue/green laser idea was more for communications than tracking, though I could be wrong.

« Last Edit: November 07, 2007, 12:52:48 am by Commander La'ra »
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

  • First Officer of the Good Ship Kusanagi
  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 1086
  • Gender: Male
  • New and improved.
    • Starbase 23
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #14 on: November 06, 2007, 05:47:03 pm »
Quote
...she's clearly named for another famous ship named Constantinople...
A quick Wiki and Google search reveals no ships named "Constantinople" - apart from that Trek ship from TNG that happened to be a transport ship. Your theory has a major flaw. ;D

Would you name a transport ship the Enterprise? The Yorktown? The Potemkin? Etc. ;D

I mean that you name ships in a class with no regard for the theme or profile of the class - which is exactly what real Trek does. The Pegasus was originally meant to be a Cheyenne class, before becoming an Oberth. Greek mythology name in a native people's class? Crazy Horse was also given stock Excelsior footage. Bleh.

Anyhoo, away from the thread hijacking and back to the Ch 3 commenting.

Quote
Said delivery vehicle was the final stage of a six-stage rocket...
Wow! Yon's a big beast at 360ft tall... but how come the six stages when the three-stage Saturn V was 363ft tall?

Quote
...the proposed moon shot would then be a true reality.
As opposed to an alternate or false reality? In this context, I think the "true" is redundant.

Quote
...I really enjoyed the descriptions of the native folk, the details of the landing teams blending in and observing.
I second Larry's comment. The description of Surall's team specifically, with the "we've not seen any men wearing this" comment, was beautifully done.

Quote
So long as no one asked the wrong questions of them, they would maintain this façade.
Unless they have an immediate backup plan of action for what happens when someone does ask them, I think "could" is a better word choice here.

Quote
...and extreme cold from the northern climbs.
This word is most definitely "climes" : climate <traveled to warmer climes

Quote
...ignorant of the black sedan pulling up behind them slowly.
Oh, niiiiiiiiiice! Heightened, unobtrusive surveillance has noticed strangers! And if this is a 60s Yangs vs. Kohms comparison, these poor beggars are in for some KGB-style interrogation!
Very atmospheric, very well done. Waiting on seeing what happens next!

His expression was one of intimidation.
I'm not sure "intimidation" is the best word choice here. I find myself favouring "being intimidated" or "cowed". This use - despite the obvious meaning from the context - indicates that Smith is doing the intimidation rather than being the recipient of it. Intimidating not intimidated.

Quote
Too often fan fic heroes who use similar methods never acknowledge the vulnerable position it puts them in, or worse, escape such consequences with a flippant remark or two.
I agree with Larry here, though we've seen it often enough in real Trek - the prime example being Kirk's negligence in being "caught with his britches down" by Khan. That said, we don't have to follow all the silliness on screen that contradicts common sense or standard practice - like ship naming conventions or lack thereof? :D
Good to see the consequences are ever near, lurking below an otherwise innocent scene.

Looking forward to more. This has a very TOS feel. The rocket pad team is even reminding me of 'TOS: Assignment: Earth'. Keep it up!
« Last Edit: November 06, 2007, 07:32:46 pm by Scottish Andy »
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #15 on: November 06, 2007, 11:25:17 pm »
In the RogTrek 'Verse, the USS Constantinople was named for a renown Litoral Combat Vessel which served in WWIII. HA! [Also BS, but might find its way into RogTrekdom anyway.]

As to all...and I mean ALL, mentions of grammar...

Read the first introduction to the first post. This story is barely editted.

Yeah...my rocket is tall and has a LOT of stages. Its scifi. It would look cool!

My native secret policia are based heavilly on KGB/Gestapo ideas from old B&W movies. I had fun with a lot of the details of this one. I'm glad the natives are being enjoyed. And no, my Starfleet personnel are not concerned with the mundane methods of commerce, etc. on this quaint little world. They want to see how these people make their first forays into space and want to see how their most advanced power sources work.

Not really sure why there was a quibble about sending Surall down on the first team among 'humanoids' given she is a 'humanoid' and smart enough to know how to maintain a low profile.

Star Trek sensors. Yeah...aiming a MAD detector at a planet is gonna get you a REAL BIG reading, my friend... FROM the planet. There's a reason they don't employ them from space. Also, all one has to do is imagine a higher magnetic quality to the water itself and presto...MAD is near useless. If there were an easy way of detecting submarines...they would not still be in use or developement today. I see no sensing device today or in even the very far future being so capable as to pick out a sub from orbit. This is just my opinion.

The blue green laser was reserched for detection purposes, but like any light dependant device, its range is poor under any volume of water. Just in case y'all wanted to know that particular bit from Popular Mechanics.

The name Ailee Pershing rings no particular bell with me, save that I cobbled it together from a couple different...sites...I frequent... Care to elaborate?

As to ship naming conventions, I leave that crap to real life nations. When I come up with a ship, I give it the name that fits it.

I'm glad y'all are liking this one! I was not sure at all how it would be recieved, good or bad. The flow of it bothered me, but I wrote it in such a halting, start-again-stop-again manner that it seemed in my mind to be strange. Even when I reread it, it still hold that because I still remember what I was doing while writing each scene...

But if my readers like it...I must not have botched it too bad, bad grammar and lack of editting aside.

I am in the process of editting #15. I'll do thisd one once Andy's had his way with it. [I AM taking notes, Andy...] Also...despite my wish to take a longer break from Trek writing...I started #16 today...just couldn't help myself...

More to come. Thanks for the propmt responses!

--thu guv!!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #16 on: November 07, 2007, 12:57:41 am »
Quote
A quick Wiki and Google search reveals no ships named "Constantinople" - apart from that Trek ship from TNG that happened to be a transport ship. Your theory has a major flaw. ;D

300 years between now and then.  Plenty of time for a famous Constantinople. ;D

Quote
I mean that you name ships in a class with no regard for the theme or profile of the class - which is exactly what real Trek does.

*cackles* If you only knew...
« Last Edit: November 07, 2007, 12:22:48 pm by Commander La'ra »
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

  • First Officer of the Good Ship Kusanagi
  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 1086
  • Gender: Male
  • New and improved.
    • Starbase 23
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #17 on: November 07, 2007, 11:26:11 am »
Grammar edits: I wasn't picking at your spelling, it is word choice. Also, wrong word. "Climbs" is a real word, it's just the wrong word.

As for Ms. Pershing... my knowledge of this comes from the excellent movie 'Weird Science', but here's the Wiki entry on what I'm referring to:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MGM-31_Pershing

Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #18 on: November 07, 2007, 12:24:02 pm »
Does that mean she's a bombshell?

*ba bump bump*

Okay, okay, yes, that was awful.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Czar Mohab

  • Faith manages.
  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 564
  • Gender: Male
  • Chewie - Go jiggle the handle!
Re: #14: Relaunch
« Reply #19 on: November 07, 2007, 06:21:03 pm »
I hate coming in at the end of all the comments... Sounds like a dead horse being beaten...  :whip:

6 stage moon shot rocket? Not to unbelievable. If you count all the pieces of the Saturn V and the apollo modules, there were the 3 main stages, the command module and the service module could be counted as 2 more, so 5? Not to beat this dead horse, but it is possible that the culture has the ability to produce more with less. After all, we don't know if their moon shot is as far out as ours was.

Naming of ships... I don't agree with Andy at all that the names are annoying. Usually when one of us writer types names a vessel, there is a reason behind the name. I personally don't care if the name fits the vessel (sometimes I do try, though). And for the record, Constantinople was the registered name of a 19th century sailing vessel. I know no more information about it. But at the same time, wasn't the first E outfitted with sails? And the later TNG era incarnation of the Const. would fit the name as a transport, IMHO, since, origionally, it was.

I'm 100% behind you with the undetectable subs. That's why they were made in the first place. I do, however, wonder why the sensors wouldn't pick up one that would be tied to a pier. Or in drydock. But, I'll leave that one up to this strange new world. They could all be out to sea.

Guv, this seriously is shaping up to be a wonderful piece. I can almost hear the din of the launch site, the "silent" black sedan; almost smell the roses, if you will. I look forward to many more chapters.


Czar "Hope the Smith-Ford dream team does just as good as the other two" Mohab

P.S. For La'ra, et al: if you haven't yet, google SSGN 726, 727, 728 and/or 729. 727 was my girl. And what a b*tch, too. Unfortunately, the best pictures of her aren't on the 'net, so far as I have seen. I'll see if I can get one for ya (not classified or anything, just not on the web).

US Navy Veteran - Proud to Serve
Submariners Do It Underwater - Nukes Do It Back Aft - Pride Runs Deep
Have you thanked a Vet lately?

Subaru Owners Do It Horizontally Opposed!
Proud Owner - '08 WRX - '03 Baja - '98 Legacy