Topic: Akyazi: Shake Up

[KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.]

Reread this story from the beginning, and I really enjoyed it. I always love 'new ship, new crew' stories, and this one is quite well done. You've done a good job of making each character stand out right away, and as I apparently noted a couple years ago () I particularly like the relationship between Thelinar and Telev, and the use of Tellarite Civil Conversation. Also, I find myself wondering just how many problems the doctor is going to cause down the line. (For the record, Kieran would completely agree with Oshima's sentiments regarding counselors in crew briefings. )

The technobabble aspect of your stories can be a bit off-putting at times, but so far in this one there seems to be a pretty good balance. The briefing prior to Akyazi's arrival in-system could have been a tedious scene, but I found it quite enjoyable, actually. The interplay between the characters kept things moving nicely, and it managed to avoid the overtones of a lecture that so many briefing scenes, some of mine included, end up devolving into.

For my own part, I've actually started to get a lot more interested in TNG stories than I was even just the last time I was here. Enough to make me want to throw Kieran forward in time to the TNG era, though I realize that's hardly an original idea these days. In any case, I'll definitely be keeping track of this one.

[Scottish Andy]

Damn I was hoping there was more. So GIMME MORE .

Back to reviewing: You have to explain the motives of the CMO before the end of the "episode" imho else she'll become a caricature. I like the rest, but want to see more before forming a specific opinion.

Thanks Grim! Ask and ye shall receive. More coming in a matter of days only. As for t he CMO's motivations, they are no more developed than what is stated in the story at present. She thinks her captain may a little to eager go go up against the Cardassians; she is a pacifist; and as a doctor she doesn't want to see injuries and deaths from pointless/avoidable battles. Basically, she has principles and is not afraid to speak out. However, like a lot of people with strongly held principles/opinions, she has a hard time keeping them to herself.

Review: not my area of interest.  I'm not a fan of TNG fic.  I can't really say why.

I completely understand, Rommie. This is my first TNG fic and the reason for this is that I had little interest in that era for writing until fairly recently (the last  year or so before beginning this story). Maybe if you give it a chance you'll like it; I plan on specifically avoiding everything about TNG eps that I didn't like.

Reread this story from the beginning, and I really enjoyed it.

Thanks Kieran! I'm pleased my characters' personalities are already fleshed out for you to this degree. And yes, one of the main focusses of this story will be Tellarite social interactions. I didn't realise that there was technobabble in my stories; technical detail perhaps, but not a bunch of made up words trying to sound technical. But yes, I do like to explain -- or perhaps over-explain -- every aspect of my stories that I feel need clarified.

[KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.]

Well. Technobabble might not be the most precise word. It might be more accurate to say that I've noticed at times an abundance of technical detail.

[Captain Sharp]

I'll give this a bump.

Hey, Andy. Haven't been on here in a while, figured I'd start with your stuff. I like where this one's going.

I particularly like that both captains are dancing about the reasons they are there for, nowing full well that their opposite number knows they know. Nice play on that.

I like the by-play between captain and doctor, but after that last briefing, I'd have taken the doctor aside and ironed her out. Your CO is probably more tollerant than I, however.

Anyway, as this site is telling me in fiery pink letters, this hasn't been posted on in 120 days. I hope you're still pluggin away on it. I want to see how this one ends up.

--rog

[Scottish Andy]

Hey Guv,

I just realised that I had not responded to your reply; for someone always yelling about feedback and not getting it, such is unacceptable and I apologise. Especially when you do me the great honour of reading and/or commenting on my stuff first. My thanks to you for that, Good Sir.

(My language is getting more flowery; I put it down to having started reading Shakespeare and Dickens.)

This story does indeed contunue. Where it continues to however, bothers me. <snip> ... so inspiration failed and I was unbable to continue.

<snip>

You know what? I like talking to you, Guv. You make me think. And I think I've just found the 'proper' continuance of this tale, which I have just <snipped> lest it spoil said ending.

Where it continued to used to bother me. Now I have a far better ending to the story!

I thank you again, Sir.

[Captain Sharp]

I bow to your great compliment, sir!

You also give me the same gift.

Keep it comin!

--Guv