Topic: Captain Kirk, what has happened to you?  (Read 2676 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline knightstorm

  • His Imperial Highness, Norton II, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico
  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2104
Captain Kirk, what has happened to you?
« on: June 03, 2018, 10:25:35 am »

Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk

A man arrested Monday for masturbating at a bus stop identified himself as James Tiberius Kirk upon his arrest by Florida police, according to court records.

The perp claiming to be Captain Kirk was spotted around 11:20 AM vigorously “stroking his penis that was under his shorts,” reported a Clearwater patrolman. The action “corrupted the public morals and sense of public decency,” alleged investigators.

After the defendant stroked himself for more than two minutes, a cop asked what he was doing. “The defendant stated, ‘I’m scratching myself.’”

Upon being arrested for disorderly conduct, the man said that he carried no ID, but gave his name as that of the commander of the starship USS Enterprise. Cops actually did a “wants/warrant check” on the Kirk name, which came back with negative results.

Police subsequently used a facial recognition program to determine that “Kirk” was actually James Roger Bundrick, 56. In addition to the disorderly conduct rap, Bundrick was charged with a second misdemeanor, providing a false name to law enforcement. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $400 bond.

Pictured above, Bundrick is a convicted felon who was released from state prison in August 2016 after serving nearly four years in custody on multiple felony charges.

Offline Panzergranate

  • Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2891
  • Gender: Male
  • Aw!! Da big nasty Klingon L7 killed da kitty kat!!
Re: Captain Kirk, what has happened to you?
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2018, 03:47:42 pm »
Obviously the cops, on witnessing the small size of the weapon in hand, didn't classify it as being a threat to the general populace.

The Klingons have many ways to fry a cat. I prefer to use an L7 Fast Battlecruiser!!

Offline Nemesis

  • Captain Kayn
  • Global Moderator
  • Commodore
  • *
  • Posts: 12877
Re: Captain Kirk, what has happened to you?
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2018, 06:39:53 pm »
Other people have ID'd as James T. Kirk, notably Colonel O'Neil of SG-1.
Do unto others as Frey has done unto you.
Seti Team    Free Software
I believe truth and principle do matter. If you have to sacrifice them to get the results you want, then the results aren't worth it.
 FoaS_XC : "Take great pains to distinguish a criticism vs. an attack. A person reading a post should never be able to confuse the two."

Offline AlDaja

  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 85
  • Gender: Male
  • SFC:III Troubleshooter
    • Starfleet Command Forums
Re: Captain Kirk, what has happened to you?
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2018, 01:59:49 am »
Maybe this guy found Rick's portal gun and made his way to C-137.
Don't try to be a great man. Just be a man, and let history make its own judgments.