Forgive me for intruding and probably going over stuff already discussed (
mainly because I've fast-skimmed through the topic, only reading the first post carefully), but I wanted to provide suggestions in the form of revision. I'll provide some corrections and state why after. Corrections will be highlighted in red.
Revere Service History:
The USS Revere (NCC-509) was constructed during the period of conflict with the Klingon Empire during the mid 23rd century. She was named for the USS Paul Revere (APA/LPA-248), a United States Amphibious Transport Ship, the first of such ships to recieve the Meritorious Unit Commendation. Also, early Starfleet records indicate a neptune-class patrol cruiser was also named Revere.
The USS Revere (NCC-509) was a destroyer, typically filling out the role of a fast-response or escort frigate. However, the USS Revere stands out from the Destroyer pack. Her mission record includes 10 sucsessful engagements with Klingon D6 fleets, several deep-space rescue missions, and first contact with over 20 races, both within and out of the Milky Way galaxy, according to the mission logs of her master, Flag Admiral Will R. Barry (A Lt. Commander at the time of her maiden voyage).
The USS Revere (NCC-509) was retired shortly after the incident with the alien probe, and the court martial of Admiral James T. Kirk. Most of the remaining crew, including freshly promoted 'Captain' Barry, would return to serve aboard the USS Revere (NCC-2509). An Akula-class (refit) sharing much of it's improved technology with the Enterprise-A, a new Constitution-class Starship and the first to use upgraded technology derived from the Excelsior-class. Equipped with state of the art sensor technology, the Revere's primary mission was of peace in aiding the Klingon Empire after the Praxis disaster. A stark contrast to her former assignment as a frontier cruiser patrolling the boundries of Federation space along the Klingon border.
The irony was not lost on Captain Barry, who found it difficult to trust his former adversaries, even when a Klingon ambassador joined the crew. However, through the Revere's first five-year mission, and midways through her second, the captain learned to admire the Klingon's code of honor and loyalty, and even attended Klingon Ambassador Goh'dek's wedding, his son's birth, and tragically, his funeral. When the Andromedans began their invasion of the Milky Way by attacking the Klingon world of E'kio, the colony world where he was born, and where his family lived.
Captain Barry disobeyed Starfleet orders to return to federation space in order to rescue the Ambassador and his family. Goh'dek's wife and son survived, and the Revere managed to defeat several fast Andromedan attack cruisers. But the ship was left nearly crippled when an Andromedan mothership joined the battle. The mothership was ultimately destroyed, but at the cost of the Ambassador's life and almost half of the Revere's crew. Captain Barry faced a court-martial when the Revere limped back to federation space, but the Klingon High Council interceded on his behalf.
The Revere went on to play a significant role in the war against the Andromedan invaders, coordinating with Klingon and Hydran forces in key battles. She also participated in the final battle of the war, the Battle of Edo, and was destroyed by her master inside the Andromedan Worldship, putting an end to the war, and an era.
A year after the war, the U.S.S. Revere (NX-6590) was commisioned as a testbed for a possible replacement of the venerable Akula-Class, which proved it's mettle a hundred fold during the war. Unfortunately, the Revere-Class ended after the construction of the Revere, and was never mass produced. The Revere was granted a full commision ( her registry changed to NCC-6590[/i]), and she was sent off on another five year mission. Captain Barry had been promoted to Admiral, however, and was reassigned to Starfleet Command's headquarters in San Francisco. Commander Maya O'neill, who began her career as the helm officer of the U.S.S. Revere (NCC-509) just prior to the V'Ger incident, took command of the latest starship. A few of the surviving senior crew returned as well.
Commander Oneill's first command was cut tragically short. Three years after her shakedown cruise, the Revere disappeared with all hands, without a trace, in the nebulous region of space known as the Aries Expanse.
I'm not sure about the first alteration. But my first thoughts are, "
Well, is she a Destroyer or a Frigate?" or something among that. Most of the other alterations were grammar or restatements or rephrasing... The second was more of preference (
Though I wonder if I should go for either D5 or D6), as I'm not much of an Enterprise fan. I also conform to the idea (
at least in recent times) that registry numbers ending in letter prefixes (
NCC-####-A) should
only be reserved for
the legendary starships named Enterprise, each being the flagship of the Federation fleet, and to no other ship, which makes the ship stand out, that carries it to legendary status. We've seen other starships carry the same name as previous ones yet with a different registry, and I figured the starships named Revere would fit as ships that each have different registry numbers.
Bringing up the Yamato's registry won't change my opinion; It's
NCC-71807 anyhow according to canon. If you bring up other things such as that
"NCC-1305-E" was stated earlier and thus overwrites
"NCC-71807", then why are you referencing Federation and
not the UESPA? It's just personal taste I guess, and for me this makes more sense. I also half-thought about changing the first Revere's registry number as I'm more of a fan of
SFM and figured that having a "509" registry would put her in the late-22nd-century/early-23rd-century or something, but since it's canonical due to TMP's diologue during the first scenes that were taking place around Epsilon IX, I figured, "
Why not keep it?"
The last change was more of canonical correction, as Constellation-class Starships had been in service since the 2270s/2280s. The U.S.S. Hathaway was a Constellation-class Starship (
NCC-2593) that had been in service since 2285 (
according to what Sirna Kolrami said about the Hathaway being an "eighty year-old Star Cruiser" in "Peak Performance" [TNG]
, a Season 2 TNG episode taking place in the year 2265).
I might take a whack at altering more of the backstory later on, I might not. All I'm doing is just adjusting things here and there as a suggestion or two out of boredom, that's all. I
should read the rest of the posts, but I'm due for a speghetti dinner I'm making; I wasn't too fond of turkey, too dry. Anyhow, apologies to anyone (
Alchemist especially) if barging in here and suggesting things in the form of some revisions is insulting. No offense intended.
Topic: Cannon check (Read 10186 times)