Topic: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles  (Read 21154 times)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« on: February 02, 2006, 10:46:21 pm »
Hi all.

Since I'm having a little trouble getting moving with my new story, 'Raider', I thought I'd try a few writing exercises, such as the ones Larry's been doing with his Star Wars Jedi apprentice. These pieces will be 100 word Drabbles, a slice of a single scene, a short story, or whatever I can manage at the time.

Let me know what you think of them - when I manage to post them. I've no time tonight (the time I allocated ran out) so I'll be contributing to this thread from time to time.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
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Offline Scottish Andy

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The Andy Chronicles: One
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2006, 12:26:26 am »
Well, I didn't go straight to bed like I thought I would. Here's the first. It was supposed to be a "drabble", which is 100 words exactly, but I found I didn't want to cut any of it out by trimming it back down. So, here it stands, as a scene-slice of its own.

Tell me what you think.

2249

“Look up, Andrew,” his mother told him. “See that point of light?”

“Which one, mum? There’s millions!” the well-read ten-year-old replied, pushing his spectacles back up to the bridge of his nose as he stared up through the gathering twilight.

“The brightest one, there,” his mother replied, holding his left shoulder and looking over his right as she guided her son’s eyes with her outstretched arm.

“Ooooh yes, I see it! What is it? It’s not in any of the const… constipations we’ve been taught,” he asked, brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to remember his astronomy.

His mother smiled at his mistake and gently corrected him. “Constellations, Andrew, and yes, you’re right that it’s not a star. This is what I wanted to show you. That’s a spaceship in orbit, that’ll be landing at Edinburgh spaceport shortly.”

The boy spun in delight to face his mother, face bursting with the question. “Is it…?”

“Yes Andrew, it is,” she replied, beaming at her son’s enthusiasm.

Andrew spun again to try and find the brightest star-that-wasn’t, found it, and yelled, “Daddy!
« Last Edit: February 04, 2006, 03:12:43 pm by Scottish Andy »
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The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2006, 01:07:58 am »
:)
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline KBF-Netman

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2006, 01:20:18 am »
:)

Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Two
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2006, 03:26:33 pm »
More from the mind of an Average John in the Star Fleet uniform.



2250

"...so, that's how the navigational deflector beam clears space in front of a ship going at warp speed."

The boy's brow furrowed, trying to assimilate the knowledge his father was giving him. "A beam of energy shoots out in front of the ship? Even faster than the ship is going?"

"That's right, son."

"But how... how is that possible?" the befuddled eleven-year old asked.

"Andrew, don't confuse him. He's just learned how to say 'constellation' properly, now you're giving him 'navigational deflector'?"

Andrew Brown Sr. looked up at his wife's scolding and waggled his bushy eyebrows. "If he wants to be an Ship's Engineer like his Dad, he has to learn these things at some point."

"Andrew, he's eleven!"

"So, he can be my apprentice. Right, Andrew?" he asked with a wink at his son.

Andrew Jr. caught the wink and knew the lesson was over. Now it was time to tease his mother. A big grin split his face and he said, "Does that mean I get a real dynospanner?"

His mother rolled her eyes and retreated, leaving the father and son to their technobabble.

« Last Edit: February 04, 2006, 03:42:17 pm by Scottish Andy »
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Three
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2006, 05:18:49 pm »
You know, I'm really getting into this. These are just not drabbles in any sense of the word, though. This last one almost clocked in as a triple-drabble.

Anyway, I want to hear from you. Are they a worthwhile read? Does it give you insight into the forming of a character? Evoke the emotions I'm obviously wanting to? Let me know what you think of them.



2255

“Starfleet? Starfleet? You’re going into the military? Andrew, you're sixteen!

Andrew winced at the rising tone of his upset mother’s voice. “Yes, Mum. I’ve decided this is what I want to do. I want to apply to Starfleet Academy and enrole next year. I’ve given it a lot of thought, believe me.”

“Have you now? Do you really know what that’ll demand of you? Have you never heard of Klingons? Do you know just how dangerous military service can be? You may have to kill people! You could be killed out there! Why would you want to do this?”

He heard the unspoken “to me” quite clearly. “Mum, the Star Fleet is only the military in times of war! The rest of the time they’re explorers! I want to go out there and see things! I’m finally sick of just sitting in my room, playing with my computer. I’m ready to stop playing and do something with my life! I want to be useful!

Andrew was not sure if his mother heard his own unspoken, “I want to be needed,” but it was clear she was at a loss.

“Does your father know?” she demanded.

Andrew sighed. Dad was only ever “your father” when he was in trouble. Admittedly, what he was about to say would only get someone else into trouble.

“Yes, Mum, I told him. I had this same conversation with him, and he said I’d better talk to you right away, then we could ‘sit down and discuss it’.”

“You are so right we’re going to discuss this… this lunacy!

Andrew suppressed another sigh. This is going to be a struggle and a half. So much for divide and conquer.

His mother strode from the room, off to find his father. “Come on then.”

Bracing himself, he followed.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2006, 06:08:30 pm »
I'm really, really liking these.

Can't analyze them the way I do one of your stories.  I'll just say that so far the second one is my favorite, but all are quite cool.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
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Offline KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2006, 11:57:46 pm »
I'm enjoying these as well. It'd be hard to pick a favorite, but the third one resonates with me a bit. It kind of reminds me of when I was 15 or 16 and I told my mother I was going to join the Navy and become a submariner. She wasn't dead set opposed to it, unlike Andrew's mother, but she did ask me in a somewhat trepidated voice a few times, "Well... are you sure there isn't something else you might want to do?" I didn't hear the unspoken "Something safer, maybe?" in her voice then, and my answer to that question was always, "Well, I'd like to fly Tomcats, but my vision isn't good enough..." which hardly reassured her. ;) 'Course, I ended up joining the Air Force as a reservist with a cushy desk job, in a time when we're not fighting or preparing for a full-scale war with someone like we were 20 years ago, which I'm sure made her feel a bit better. Unlike Andrew's mum, whose poor deluded son wants to go off haring into space where horrible things like Klingons roam unchecked. ;D
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Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2006, 12:40:00 am »
lol...yeah, I remember that.  My mother pitched a fit when I told her that I wanted to join the Navy.  But she said that I was my own man and that she wouldn't tell me I couldn't do it.  Turned out that the Navy wouldn't accept me because of surgery on my spine to correct Scoliosis.  She never said I told you so, or that it was good that they turned me down.  I knew that my vision wasn't good enough, but flying a Hornet or a Tomcat never appealed to me, I prefered manning the bigger guns on a Cruiser or a Destroyer.
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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2006, 02:45:16 am »
I loved the first one, was okay with the second one, and didn't feel a thing from the third one.  The first one was that wonderful emotion.  The second one is a slice of life and so it the third.  To me though, the third one is sooo normal of an event for anyone growing independent that you would need to do it exceptionally brilliantly in a short piece for it to move me.  Tough sell yes, but I'm still not buying.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2006, 12:55:13 am »
Enjoying!

Have you more?
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2006, 06:38:10 pm »
Not yet, Guv. Kinda blocked up on the Trek writing these days. I'll try and do more, IO had ideas for some earlier on.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2006, 08:33:49 am »
Heh... I just noticed something. My slice about joining the Navy hit a chord with the people who'd actually done it, where as the others didn't really feel it. That leads me to two, diametrically opposed thoughts:

1) The people who did it knows what its really like and my scene tells it like it is, or (more likely, IMHO)

2) The people who'd done it have their own memories of the emotions of what it was like to do that, and it filled in the gaps that people without the experience couldn't.

I honestly think I did give Slice 3 short shrift, even as I was doing it. It either deserves a much longer scene, or a shorter one with more impact. I think I'll be including these into bigger scenes anyway, later on. Maybe as flashbacks, since my PoV is 1st-person immediate.

Anyway, what do you think of my musings here?
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline kadh2000

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2006, 10:34:44 pm »
My responses are thus.

1.  I think everyone's gone off and done something, made a first adult decision that terrified their mother.  So the "off to join starfleet" bit should strike a familiar chord witho anyone who's made that break away from home.

2. A well told story should resonate with the majority of readers not just those who've had a similar or the same experience.  If a person has to fill in their own experience to feel that resonation I think there is a failure on the part of the writer for those readers who don't have that experience.  If the writer's target audience is those readers; however, creating that sensation and allowing them to respond to it on thier own level may be the ideal way to go.

3. I'm probably just jealous that you've been able to write something recently and I haven't.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2006, 10:48:06 pm by kadh2000 »
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2006, 08:50:55 pm »
Well Kadh, 2) is pretty much what I figured. I didn't create a good enough emotional resonance and other people's memories filled in the blanks in my stories.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Jaeih t`Radaik

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #15 on: February 23, 2006, 08:26:19 am »
Hey Andy,

These are pretty good! I have to agree with Kadh, though. The first one almost made me well up, it was so cute and true, such an honest feeling.

The second piece was nice too, but I never really had moments like that except from the opposite side. Still good, though. The third scene did feel kinda--stark. No lead into, no build up, just boom, there it is with no emotional context. There is something there, but as I said, it's kinda sudden.

I'd agree that you rushed the last one and it deserves better, like you said. It needs a lead in, so either give it one.

Keep going with these, though. If you concentrate on them like you did the first one, you'll get the result you want.  ;)
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Four
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2006, 10:13:02 pm »
Another quickie that came to me during work, and one I actually spent some time thinking though before putting it out. This is already up on my site (www.starbse23.net) but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this one and I see Jaeih isn't meeting with much luck getting comments by posting just links here.

So, let me know what you think. All comments welcome.



September 2257

“So, are you going to ask her out or not?”

I hunch my shoulders and scuff my boot soles against the ground, an expression of what has been recently described to me as “stubborn misery” overtaking my features. I assume it’s that expression, anyway. My facial muscles tighten and I feel the same way as I did the last time I was asked this question.

“No.” The determination and irritation that I’m feeling come out loud and clear in that one word.

“God-dammit Andy, why the hell not?”

I sigh, steeling myself to go over the same old argument. “She doesn’t even know I exist,” I tell my friend/tormentor, just as I’ve told them before, five times already this month.

It’s the Fifth.

“Andrew, you’re her study partner!” Toni responds with the now traditional counter challenge.

I decide to take a different vector, hoping to put an end to this for once and for all. Snagging my fellow cadet by the arm, arrest our progress across the quad and direct us over to a bench were we can have it out quietly. I may not get any lunch today, but I can go hungry for a few hours to gain some respite from this issue.

Seemingly knowing what I have in mind, and—for once—quite content to let me say my piece, Toni waits expectantly on my rationalisation on why I’m not going to ask out the girl I’m hopelessly infatuated with.

“Look, that’s exactly why I can’t ask her out! She’s my friend. We hang out, study together, have lots of classes together, and see each other several times a day. We have a great time together—”

“Except for the fact that you’re desperately in love with her and it’s making you miserable—” Toni interjects.

“I’m not miserable!” I tell her strenuously—possibly too much so. I continue, “If you actually want me to put it in my own words, then I’m ‘wistful and sad’. But I spend loads of time with her already and it’s not like I’ve anyone to be jealous of! She has no boyfriend—”

She cuts me off again, interjecting, “Which is why it’s better to ask her now, before someone else does! What happens when she finally does start seeing someone? Do you think she’ll be spending as much time with you then as she does now?” she demands, driving her point home. “I’ve seen her too, Andy. No one’s as close to her here as you are—”

“Toni, we’re friends,” I say again, belabouring the point and cutting her off this time. “Good friends. If I ask her out and she says no, then what? You let that genie out of the bottle and your great friendship is never quite the same again. The friendship is tarnished with hidden thoughts of ‘maybe he was just being friendly to get me into bed with him’.”

“But that’s true, isn’t it?” she asks, all innocence.

I glare balefully at her. “Yes, damn you, it is. But you know I can’t just up and ask a girl out! You’ve known me for almost a year, but I’ve been in classes with you from Day One. It took me six months just to be able to speak to you without turning into a gibbering idiot!” I almost shout, more angry and myself for being that way that at her for pointing it out.

She looks hurt nonetheless. “And now you can curse me out like I’m a useless servant. My, what progress you’ve made,” she observes caustically.

My anger deflates rapidly. Toni—Antonia—Shilletto is my best friend at Starfleet Academy, even closer to me than Scott ‘Scotty-boy’ Gardiner, a fellow countryman from my own town back home. Hurting or alienating her is the last—second last—thing I want to do right now.

I fetch a heartfelt sigh and tell her, “I’m sorry for cursing you, Toni. You know I’m not trying to hurt you.”

Her eyes soften again. “Yes, I know that. I could see it in you from first I laid eyes on you.”

I look up, startled. The way she said that… could she be interested in me? The thought defies comprehension. I’m a plain, ordinary-looking Scotsman with nothing special to offer in looks—or anything, really—and Toni is a voluptuous, dark-haired, creamy-skinned Italian girl with liquid brown, almond-shaped eyes and a fun-loving, full-of-life personality. Fully half the humanoid males in our class of a thousand have asked her out at some point or other, and the other half no doubt still have plans to do so. What could she possibly see in me? I’m not in love with her or anything, but I am a guy and the thought of spending a night in with Toni has me all—in a tizzy.

That mind-boggling, ego-inflating thought is immediately blown out of the water as she continues.

“That’s why I chose you to hang out with instead of all those posturing buffoons who were constantly out to impress me. All they were after was a roll in the hay.” She rolls her large brown eyes in contemptuous amusement. “I knew you wouldn’t do that.”

My previously swelling ego shrivels up faster than if it’d taken a dip in the North Sea, and I find myself horrified at her words. “You think of me as some sort of eunuch?” I cry, drawing back in hurt anger.

“Don’t be a stupid fool,” she retorts irritably. It is all the more reassuring for its angry tone, not wanting anything to do with my ridiculous assumption. “I mean that I knew you would never take advantage of me in that way. Use and abuse a friendship as a jumping point—so to speak—to get close to me for the express purpose of bedding me.”

Even though I’m flattered by her trust in me, I’m angry at that I seem so… unmanly… to her, so I push out, “But I do want to sleep with you, Toni.”

“Oh, I know that,” she tells me matter-of-factly, again completely bringing my beleaguered brain to a juddering halt. “I could see that too. I mean, look at me. I’m hot,” she gestures at herself, continuing without false modesty. “I also know that you’d never actually want to date me because I’m too damn bossy. The difference with you, Andrew, is that you value your friendships even over your own desires.”

I stare at her with an empty brain, my ghast truly flabbered, unable to think of anything to say to these stunning—to me, anyway—revelations.

Getting no immediate response—presumably beyond my patented “bunny-in-the-headlights” look—Toni expounds on her point. “Now, this makes you a great friend and a good guy, but you also take it to the opposite extreme and basically subjugate your own feelings and wants for the good of whatever ‘group’ you’ve attached yourself to. As a Starfleet officer, this trait will serve you well. As a real person, it makes you a wimp, unwilling to speak out about being unhappy for fear of rocking the boat.

“Andy, sometimes you have to get wet.”

I look at her, my mind slowly reassembling itself. What she’s saying sounds like good advice, so I store it for later. Finally able to form sentences again, I summarise her theory. “So you think I’m a wimp for not asking her out?”

“Yes,” she replies simply. “This isn’t some life-or-death decision for the fate of the Federation. You’re afraid to take the chance. To answer your previous question: if she says no, then you find a way to deal with it. You have a genuine friendship there. Let it move on naturally to the next stage. If she says no, don’t start hiding from her. That very avoidance will likely be the thing that convinces her of that which you fear most: her believing your friendship was a lie.

“Face it like a man, head on and damn the torpedoes and all that,” she finishes with a grin.

I turn away from her, facing straight ahead and settling back onto the bench. The view is lovely on this muggy autumn day in San Francisco, ancient trees giving a riot of colour with their leaves displaying the last splashes of summer green mixing with the more prevalent autumn gold. The rain is fortunately absent this day, and the sky is mostly clear of clouds. This age-old display of natural beauty frames the familiar buildings of the Academy campus, now almost a hundred years old, and gives me a grounding in the here and now as I organise my thoughts. I stare into space and ponder the words of my friend, who lapses into silence, no doubt having made her point and giving me time to think it though.

She is right. I hate conflict or feeling awkward, so the idea of tackling the problem head-on and dealing with the consequences of a rejection is what is stopping me from asking this girl out.

I really need to get over that if I want to be an effective Starfleet officer.

It is just that simple, too. I can take this step and grow as a person, regardless of the outcome, or I can shrug my shoulders, dismiss it and stay the same old me—and probably end up as a science officer on a police cutter, if I even manage to graduate at all.

My ruminating is cut short, as suddenly there she is! I bolt to my feet but then become rooted to the spot, my mind windmilling again. She hasn’t seen me yet! Sit down, think some more about this. Don’t rush in and screw things up!

I flush red and swallow painfully, my throat suddenly dry. I’ve never asked a girl out in my life! What am I doing?

Taking no more time to think, I square my shoulders—manfully, I hope, but out of the corner of my eye I do catch Toni hiding a smirk behind her hand—and set off towards the path again.

“I’ll see you in class,” I croak over my shoulder to Toni, and stride toward my destiny.
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The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2006, 11:16:02 pm »
I'd tap Toni.

*shifts his eyes about suspiciously*
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Tus-XC

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2006, 12:01:27 am »
the guy is an introvert (this coming from someone who is bit introverted...), go figure lol.  I like this character ;)
Rob

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Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2006, 07:07:46 am »
wow, that hits a bit too close for comfort ;) Thank god my g/f had a little more bluff
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2006, 08:52:55 am »
Yeah.  My girlfriend is pretty aggressive too.

Thank the Lord.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2006, 10:46:33 am »
Wow, great responses. Looks like I hit the nail (male?) on the head on this one, so to speak. I'm glad I took my time and fleshed it out more than the 'joining Starfleet' chronicle, it seems to have made all the difference.

Tus: I'm glad you like me... um, him. *grin* As you may have guessed, Andy is going to be a lot like I was at that stage in my life, with him being just a bit more ballsy that I actually was. Thank The Wendyest I finally got over that!

I'm very pleased the rest of you (so far) liked and possibly identified with him. That's what I was aiming for.
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Five
« Reply #22 on: April 21, 2006, 03:18:16 pm »
Okay, here's the latest one up on www.starbase23.net, just to keep this collection complete. Let me know what you think.



4th August 2267

“All it takes is one grenade and we’re all dead, Lieutenant!”

Damnit Tharn, I know that! I curse mentally before addressing the speaker. “We’ll wait for a lull in their fire or a distraction from the other team, then make a break for it,” I yell over the sound of disruptor and phaser bolts zinging around out ears. Outlining the rest of my evac plan, I point to a female engineer and finish up, “…then you and I will come out last. Clear?”

Serious nods from all around, even as they continue to fire back at the Klingons down the corridor. The bridge crew suddenly appear from the stairwell to Deck One and I slap the Andorian on the back, yelling, “Tharn, go!

One by one my team of five jump and dive and roll away from the protection of our deathtrap position, everything happening at light-speed in slow motion.

Three of them make it before the Klingons react, and it’s only myself and the female engineer whose name I don’t know still to get clear. Tharn and his companions pour withering fire at the Klingons from their new position, but the Klingons fire back regardless.

No more time. Need to go now!

“Ensign, come on!” I yell, throat hoarse. I jump to my feet, dragging her up too and pulling her along.

“Sir!” Tharn yells in slow motion. “Wait!” The sound is attenuated, oddly flat.

Too late. Already moving. Can’t stop now.

I hit the deck and roll to my feet, slightly off-balance after jumping through the holes burned in the turbolift doors. I spread my arms to regain my balance as I start to run.

Pain explodes into my brain as a searing impact spins me around, and I start to topple over.

I’m hit!

I try to reach out to cushion my fall but the pain increases, becoming ever more intense and blotting out almost every thought. My eyes find my wound, expecting to see a horrific gash bleeding freely. I’m more right than I ever knew.

My arm is no longer there.

My arm! I have no arm! Where is it?!?

I’m almost on the deck. This fall has taken minutes to complete. I look back up and the female ensign meets my eyes, her mouth opening, eyes wide and a look of pure agony on her face.

There’s a bloody, ragged hole through her stomach. I see her ribs widen, lungs inhaling one last time for a scream I never hear.

Blackness.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline trident850

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #23 on: April 28, 2006, 08:20:30 am »
Being a combat veteran, this last one makes an impression.  Even after more than 20 years, it never ceases to amaze me the way my impressions of myself and my surroundings changed on a moment to moment basis.  I was wounded 3 times in action, and every one was different, and there is a definite slowing of perception in high strees combat...well done Andy.

Trident

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #24 on: April 28, 2006, 01:39:32 pm »
I can't believe I forgot to post on this one.

Hpwever, Trident did a much better job of commenting than I would've anyway.

So I'll just say 'I like it'.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #25 on: April 28, 2006, 08:51:17 pm »
You got my attention.
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #26 on: May 02, 2006, 09:14:08 pm »
Guys, thanks for the comments, it's always good to get feedback, as Jaeih always says..

I'm especially gratified that you, trident, regard it highly enough to comment.
Firstly, I'm glad to see you made it through three injuries and are still alive to tell the tale!
Secondly, I'm glad it was accurate enough that it struck a chord and seemed realistic. I've never been through anything like that so I of course know nothing about how it actually does feel, but I did want to do it justice.

If you have any suggestions, any of you, please lay them on me.

I'll see if I can tear myself away from my ships/shipyards/construction research for long enough to work on another Chronicle.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Six
« Reply #27 on: August 03, 2006, 07:36:43 pm »
Here's something that came to me after reading my Horatio Hornblower stories. I realised that part of his character makeup has already been written into mine, and I thought I'd develop that in this little ditty. In case you don't quite get where this is developing from, you may want to re-read the latter half of Chapter Six of 'Aftermath'.

If you don't get the Hornblower connection, feel free to comment and ask for an explanation. *smile*

Let me know what you think: what you think I was trying to do with this, how well it worked for you, if it needs something, if there was too much of something.



September 2268

Get up!

The faint voice was a harsh grating in the back of my mind, recalling me to consciousness.

Get up, Damn you!

I ignore it. There's no need to get up. I fell down. I got up before. I've gotten up, oh, easily ten times already. There's no need to get up again.

Pathetic. Haul your useless carcass up off the ground and keep moving! the voice demands in it’s bland mind-tone.

With the scorching sun beating down on my back and my lips already cracked and parched, and nothing around for kilometres, why should I get up? Having already stumbled four kilometres into this barren sandheap searching for help—from the very people we laughingly attempted to rescue—just why the hell should I get up again? It's comfortable here. It doesn't hurt any more.

Contemptible. You disgust me, Brown!

My eyes snap open at that. Could they actually have found me already? Sent the second shuttle when we didn’t arrive at the freighter thirty minutes ago?

"C-Captain?" I croak.

On your feet, Brown!

"Yessir," I slur out, beginning to push myself up off the ground again. I mumble on, "I'm glad you're here, Sir… Glad you found me so soon. Thought I was a goner, out here, so far from the shuttle..."

They must have found the crash site. Shaeffer! Nurse Shaeffer was—is!—in the shuttle. Have they already rescued him back there and followed my tracks?

There is no immediate reply so when I stand up straight, wincing yet again at the many and varied injuries sustained in the crash, I slowly turn and sweep the area with my eyes.

There's nobody there!

"C-Captain?" I croak again, almost plaintively. Louder this time, I ask, "Captain McCafferty? Where are you?"

A profound silence answers me, so heavy I feel its pressure in my ears. I'm being not-so-slowly broiled under a sapphire-blue sky amid the empty desolation of a continent-spanning desert by a pitiless F5-class star that’s seven times as powerful as Sol.

I was so sure I heard her voice!

The sandstorm that caused the crash and plagued the first two kilometres of my trek for help is now long gone, leaving me engulfed in a stark, echoing silence.

"But I heard you…" I croak. It's beyond my current mental capacity, what with my brain being almost literally poached. I must be delirious. But I'm up again, so I might as well keep moving. It should only be another couple of kilometres until I reach the crash site of the freighter whose distress call the Kusanagi answered. Once there I can signal the ship and get help back to Shaeffer.

I trudge on towards my—our—only hope.

I can’t fall down again. Shaeffer needs me.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #28 on: August 09, 2006, 06:51:39 am »
Very cool.  I'm missing the Hornblower connection, though, which may mean it's time for me to reread my little collecton.

I do have a problem with it though:  More than any of your other shorts, this one begs to be written as a full-fledged story.  It's cool on it's own, but I want to see a beginning and end in addition to the middle.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #29 on: August 09, 2006, 10:44:00 am »
Yay! One comment! And it only took 6 days to get it!

Geez, no wonder I left... *goes away and cries in a corner*

Anyway, thanks to Larry for being the first, and whiney rant (and non-too-subtle hint to people I've commented on recently) over, here's my reply.

The Hornblower connection is that Horatio is occasionally pushed forward by a great deal of self-loathing and sel-comtempt. No one else sees him as such, but he always feels himself a coward and is constantly berating and mentally lashing himself for this.

I just gave Andrew an actual inner voice to do this, initially because I wasn't sure how to write one mind having an argument with itself, but now I'm sticking with it because it makes him look kinda skitzo *grin*

As for the Chronicles being expanded into full stories, they will be. These little smippets of Andrew's life will be included into proper full length stories--eventually. That is the plan. However, they are just such good scenes (in my head) that I have to get something out onto the screen now.

This Chronicle is the first of a trilogy dealing with this subject. Look for more soon.

If you actually want to read them, that is. And I'll not know that until you comment on it! Let me know what you think: what you think I was trying to do with this, how well it worked for you, if it needs something, if there was too much of something.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #30 on: August 09, 2006, 05:17:32 pm »
The Hornblower connection is that Horatio is occasionally pushed forward by a great deal of self-loathing and sel-comtempt. No one else sees him as such, but he always feels himself a coward and is constantly berating and mentally lashing himself for this.

Ah, I was looking for something more specific rather than a general character quality.

Quote
I just gave Andrew an actual inner voice to do this, initially because I wasn't sure how to write one mind having an argument with itself, but now I'm sticking with it because it makes him look kinda skitzo *grin*

Next thing you know the voice will be telling him to kill kittens and tear the 'do not remove' tag off mattresses.  I know that's what mine does.*nod*

Quote
As for the Chronicles being expanded into full stories, they will be. These little smippets of Andrew's life will be included into proper full length stories--eventually. That is the plan. However, they are just such good scenes (in my head) that I have to get something out onto the screen now.

If that's the plan, cool.  Just letting you know this last one is the one that hooked me, the one that I wanna see the rest of more than the others.  The other Chronicles seem more self-contained.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #31 on: August 10, 2006, 11:45:14 am »
its a good tiny little piece m8
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #32 on: August 11, 2006, 02:41:59 pm »
Excellent vignette. More insight into Brown's thought processes, there. Keep it up.
CaptJosh

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those who understand binary and those who don't.

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #33 on: August 11, 2006, 11:56:52 pm »
Actually I did reply to this, but it obviously didn't take...lost in cyber-space I guess.....

Anywho, never saw Hornblower as being the tortured type, but I've only read 2 books... Midshipman HB and Leftenant HB I guess were the titles... They were old, beat up Mt Ida Highschool hand-me-downs....  Still loved 'em tho. Anything about the days of sail!

But I do like the lil bit. Keep 'em comin.
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #34 on: August 13, 2006, 08:52:38 am »
Anywho, never saw Hornblower as being the tortured type, but I've only read 2 books... Midshipman HB and Leftenant HB I guess were the titles... They were old, beat up Mt Ida Highschool hand-me-downs....  Still loved 'em tho. Anything about the days of sail!

Dude, I do HAVE a bunch of those, you know.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #35 on: August 13, 2006, 10:03:40 pm »
Woot!

Course...I still might 'have' those ones I mentioned....I did steal them after all...
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle... X? - Part I
« Reply #36 on: September 21, 2006, 10:05:26 am »
Hi Guys, its time for another installment, looking into the mnd of the central character of my STU: namely, myself!

This Chronicle is a bit controvertial. My Beta readers liked it on its own merits, but some thought that it definitely wasn't Trek, where as others couldn't believe the character would do what is done here.

Now, I haven't looked at this one in a few weeks (months?), but I want it out there. I'm not sure if it'll actually be included into my "canon", but I want more opinions on it, so comment as loudly and passsionately as you like on it. I'm out for reactions on this one, and on every and any bearing you wish to make a comment or point on.

This short piece is set amost 20 years into my character's future, with no intervening backstory, and I think that is why it is so jarring. You know the Introvert, but you may not know this guy. Anyway, enough with the babbling from me. Here it is, and let me have it.



March 2287

I glare into the hate-filled eyes of my opponent and ruthlessly smash him down for the final time. Kneeling on his back, I twist the arm of my defeated enemy below me and made sure that the crawling slime who sullies everything by his mere regard has no chance to escape while I consider my options.

Commander Andrew Brown, Captain of the Federation starship Drake. The title sounds impressive for someone who’s worked so hard to achieve that goal, but pales in comparison to the power wielded by my opponent, and so I now find myself in a quandary. Jamal had once again managed to come crawling out of the woodwork at the worst possible moment, and now that I myself have thwarted his petty, vicious scheme of inflicting pain and humiliation for his so-called “revenge”, I knew that my own life had just taken a turn for the worse.

Quite possibly the worst turn it could take.

The “man” I’ve just whipped the tar out of is the heir to one of the oldest and most powerful families of the Federation, brought up in such a world of privilege and wealth as to outclass any of the monarchies of Old Earth. Their every whim is tended to by legions of servants, their voice carries immense influence in Federation bureaucracy, and they own their own planet in the spinward side of the Core Sectors—the most protected part of the Federation.
The Al Fadir family has been a trading power for Earth since the development of warp drive over two hundred years ago, and—as in so many cases—the hard work of the first four generations had lead the outlook of the later ones to come to expect such wealth and deference to follow them wherever they went, into whatever field they chose to follow.

Unfortunately, even in the enlightened Federation of the 23rd century such things still happen, though they are fortunately, microscopically rare. However, this is one of those rare times, and I’m in it up to my eyeballs.

People who’d gotten in the way of this family in the past have had their careers wrecked, their lives ruined, and in some instances, had simply vanished.
Oh, whoever had actually done the deed was usually found and convicted, and a patsy was always in place for the motive so that, even though the Al Fadir family had a compelling reason, such was the prestige and power of their name that their protestations of innocence were always—officially—believed. They were also very careful that no link was ever found connecting them to the actual deed, or any part of its implementation or planning.

I’d never encountered such a thing before this event, but on coming up against it for the first time, it sickens me to my core. Only during this incident have I discovered that one of my crewmates on the Cortez had had the misfortune to incur the wrath of Jamal—and I saw that young officer’s life ruined by a charge of industrial espionage: passing Starfleet technological secrets to a rival defence contractor for material gain. At the time, I knew nothing about the Al Fadir family, and I was shocked and disgusted along with the rest of the crew to find such a base individual amongst us, and glad to see them gone and properly punished.

I’ll have to search out the former Ensign Radin and apologise for having believed it. I should have known better, but the evidence was just too strong. I felt personally betrayed by her “betrayal”, and now I find I turned my back—as did we all—on an innocent woman. I have to make it right, however long it takes.
My own shame threatens to overwhelm me, but a wriggle from beneath me brings back my fury at the worm responsible for this. No, it’s more than just fury now, I realise. I hate this bastard. I hate this bastard more than the Klingons who took my arm. Admittedly, that hatred has been dulled by my constant exposure to it, but I can count the beings I’ve actively hated all through my life on one hand.

This slime is now the top of that list.

I’ve defeated him. His scheme to wreck another life has been thwarted—but has it been stopped? I ponder this, feeling the blood trickle down my arm from his knife slash. If I hand him over to the authorities, I have enough evidence to see him jailed, but will he be jailed? Will this even get to trial? Will he wriggle out of this and get off with a slap on the wrists? Scot-free?

I know that even if he does miraculously go to jail, his family will see to it my life is a living hell afterwards. I’ll be taken down much the same way as Radin was, and I’ll be disgraced and reviled before the entire Federation. Because of my own spotty past it’ll be child’s play to set me up with a motive so believable no one will care even as much as I did for Radin at the time.

I cannot go through that, I just can’t! I know I’m not strong enough to bear that burden, and it’ll snap me far more easily than I snapped Jamal’s other arm.

Then your choice is simple. You cannot let him go, my Voice, previously silent, speaks up.

My eyes snap back into focus out of reflex on hearing my captain’s voice, even though I know there’s no one else within ten kilometres of this warehouse. The contemptuous tone it frequently sports is absent this time, but it voices the option I dare not confront.

I shrink from the horror of that suggestion even as I analyse the practicalities of the deed in the current situation.

This warehouse was another of Jamal’s set-ups, trying to bait Lieutenant Kayla Truasima into falling into his clutches for some “revenge”. What is it with these people and their desire to not just control other people, but to dominate and rule them, and—when their petty will is flouted—to utterly crush and humiliate that which would not bend to their desires?

Jamal himself saw to it that there was nobody about. He wasn’t expecting a twenty-five-year Starfleet veteran to show up, armed with the experience of fighting Klingons in hand-to-hand combat. He was expecting some sweet, fresh-faced kid straight from the Academy, trying to prevent her hopes and dreams, and her position in life with her crewmates’ respect and friendship, from being tossed down a disposal chute.

Fortunately, her behaviour on board had become so erratic that I just had to intervene, and the whole sorry story spilled out of her as soon as I confronted her alone.

How I held myself together I still do not know. Had this bastard been there in that room with me I’d have butchered him. I wouldn’t have beaten him. I wouldn’t have vaporised him with a phaser. I would have literally ripped off one of his arms and bludgeoned him to death with it, and revelled in the spray of his blood on my skin.

The haze over my eyes from imagining this horrific scene had cleared just in time to stop Kayla from running from the room, convinced I was disgusted and enraged at her for daring to impugn such a lofty and high-profile name. I thank the Gods for such small mercies. Once I’d managed to control myself and reassure her, I got the full details of what was expected from her and had her follow them to the letter. Her meeting was secret, and she had decided to take a few days leave at a starbase while we were docked for resupply. Coincidentally—and just after being told this—I arranged an in-person meeting with my squadron commander which would necessitate both me and Captain Karen McCafferty boarding the starbase for a full day in a classified environment.

I now owe Karen big for keeping this little diversion a secret, as she is presumably still comforting Kayla on the base even as I took the lieutenant’s place in her privately-rented base flitter. As far as anyone knows, Kayla is off on a lone sight-seeing tour on the daylight side of planet Gamma-231-III, and the commanders of the cruiser Kingfisher and the destroyer Drake are in a secret strategy & tactics conference on Starbase 22.

So now, here I am in a long-deserted mining warehouse far behind the night side terminator, where only three people know where I am—and one of them is lying under me with serious injuries. The flitter’s sensors told me there was no one else around, and that the place didn’t even have its security cameras active. This was just to be a meeting place before he took the terrified girl back to a more secure location—most likely drugged—and he was expecting no trouble. As a result, my contempt for him knows no bounds, thinking himself safe because of his family’s influence even if something did go wrong. He’s inept, a bully, and quite likely Kayla herself could have easily beat the snot out of him if she’d seriously entertained the possibility.

However, even I feel that influence. Jamal is totally in my power right now. What happens as soon as I let him go? I arrest him—at the very least for assaulting a Starfleet officer, as the inept fool flew into a fury and thought he could beat me up with impunity, that my fear at his family’s influence would stop me from fighting back—and throw him in the brig to have him tried immediately at this front-line starbase. Even the warp 20 transmission speed of communications would be too slow for any family influence to make its presence felt before a verdict was given.

But what then? He would have to be shipped to a penal facility, and that was after all appeals. The very fact that it was a hush-hush trial would weigh against it, and quite likely the family’s legions of slick lawyers would get him a reduced sentence, if not sprung completely.

He would then be free to pursue a vendetta against me.

The only way this slime is leaving this warehouse is on the wind, and you know it. Now stop being a weak fool and get it over with!
The contempt is back. McCafferty is making her full presence felt again, and as usual, it goads me into the logical action.

But what happens to me, to my soul? I’m contemplating murder, cold—well, lukewarm—blooded, calculated murder. What happens to my principles, my morals? How can I call myself a power for good if I do this? How can I continue to wear this uniform that I spilled much of my blood and sweat to gain? How will I look myself in the mirror each morning, knowing what I’ve done, knowing I’ve made a lie of my Oath?

How will I live with myself?

The slime beneath me is yelling, cursing me, threatening my career, my life, my family, my friends and my friends’ friends. He’s probably wondering why I’ve not moved in minutes, one way or the other.

He’s trying to intimidate me into letting him go, but I know it’s now the worst thing I could do. All it does is disgust me even further, and with forced nonchalance, I ignore him and twist his arm again. His curses and threats dry up as a shriek of pain escapes his lips.

If it were anyone else, I’d let justice take its course. If I had faith in the system to punish him and protect me, I’d let justice take its course.

If I wasn’t so terrified of the consequences to literally everything and everyone I hold dear if I do, I’d let justice take its course.

I know that if I hand him over to the authorities, from that moment on I will be watching over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting on my life to be ruined.

If I don’t, no one else will bear the burden. Kayla will be free. My family, friends, comrades, shipmates—all will be free of the vendetta Jamal will bring down upon me for bringing him so low. He won’t care they had nothing to do with it, had no knowledge of it. All he’ll see is another way to hurt me—and he’ll take it. There is no doubt in my mind.

If I don’t, I alone will have to live with the consequences of this “night”. No one else will ever know. Not even Kayla and Karen, I’ll make sure of that. I must protect them from the ensuing investigation the Al Fadir family will launch into his demise.

My eyes focus sharply again, suddenly aware that the decision has already been made. In the midst of one thought, almost subconsciously, I’ve decided murdering a man—yes, even one such as he—is the only correct choice. I’m not strong enough to bear the consequences of letting him live, so he must die.
If I were to tell them, I’m sure Karen and Kayla would agree—and also be every bit as thankful that they hadn’t done it.

The moralists among us—and the Federation is full of them—would be horrified. “How can you justify taking a life for this? Let ‘The System’ deal with him. ‘The System’ works!” they’d cry.

Normally, they’d be right.

But ‘The System’ is for ordinary mortals like me and them. How well does ‘The System’ work for the few outside of it who can ignore it?

I’d like to see them explain this to Jessica Radin. Her unjustified disgrace ruined her family’s standing on her conservative home planet and pushed them to the bottom of the social pile. The last data updates I saw had them destitute and struggling for survival. I don’t even know if Jessica is still alive. It’s been almost thirteen years.

I must find her.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle... X? - Part II
« Reply #37 on: September 21, 2006, 10:06:01 am »

My mind now firmly made up, I pull the Type-I phaser out of the concealed compartment in my boot and haul Jamal to his feet, facing me. He is stiff and unable to move either arm, and I must have spent five full minutes with my knee in his back and his face pressed into the thermoconcrete while this decision and its consequences whirled through my head.

Should I even attempt to make him understand, or should I just atomise him on the spot? He obviously knows I came here to avenge or protect Kayla, having arrived in her place. It’s not like he’ll learn anything from it, and what would he do with it anyway in the five seconds after that I’d let him live?

His eyes light on the small energy weapon and looks at me, confused. “If you had that, why not just shoot me with it to start with?” he asks belligerently.

Maybe I can impress upon him my reasoning, make him truly see why I’m doing this.

Weak, Brown, very weak. Always wanting to be “understood”. It’ll be your downfall.

My friend the Captain. Right as always, but this time I want to try. I don’t want him to see me as some cold assassin, but an avenger against all the wrongs he’s perpetrated throughout his miserable life.

“Too merciful,” I grate out. “I wanted to hurt you.”

His face again curls up into a sneer. “Ah I see. Furious that your little bitch was spreading for me, that it? Wanted your revenge. I understand.”

His words make a mockery of my intentions and underscore my Voice. “Kayla is a friend, not a lover,” I manage to tell him mildly, though what I want to do is shove that sneer out through the back of his head.

He’s surprised by my mildness, I can see. His dig having apparently missed its mark, he’s now not sure of my motivation. “Then why come in her place?”
He sounds genuinely puzzled. I pity him.

“Because that’s what friends do for each other,” I tell him just as mildly. “Friends share a burden that’s too heavy to bear alone. Friends beat the holy living hell out of cowardly bullies too used to having their own way because Daddy will protect him whenever he gets caught ruining someone else’s life.”
He spits in my face. It’s an effective tactic, what with all the blood in his mouth from split lips and broken teeth.

I smile at him.

I then rip off the arm of his expensive shirt—worth more than I used to make in six months, when we still had money—making sure it’s his broken arm at that, and wipe my face clean with it as he shrieks in agony.

“I’ll make you pay for this, f*cker,” he gasps. “I’ll see to it your career and family and friends all SUFFER FOR WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO ME NOW!!!”
Ah, the shriek of the spoiled brat. Music to my ears.

“No you won’t.”

The mildness of my voice is really starting to get to him. He’s not used to people not being intimidated by what he can do.

“I’m going to give you a chance,” I tell him. “You’re going to leave me alone, and you’re not going to go anywhere near or do anything to affect my family, friends or anything. You want to know why?”

“You can’t talk to me like this! I’ll—”

His indignant protest is cut off by my elbow smashing into his mouth again.

“Forgetting where you are? I’ll do what I damn well please, and you’ll keep your trap shut,” I tell him. Mildly, of course. My hatred and fury is now a hot fusion ball of malicious amusement in the pit of my stomach, and I’m now enjoying what I’m doing. I know it’s a bad sign, but I’m not caring right now.

The hatred in his eyes fades away to almost nothing, replaced by genuine fear as he for the first time takes stock of his current situation.

I’m glad I’m there to see it, to see the arrogance and brutality stripped away to reveal the pitiful, cowardly wretch beneath.

“You’re not going to touch me or mine, because if you do, I’ll kill you.”

The fear in his eyes is vivid now, all the more so for my conversational delivery. Someone once said that it is far more menacing to hear it that way than to scream it. A screamer is trying to intimidate, terrorise—and convince himself as well. Saying it in a low, unthreatening tone, well… That person knows he doesn’t need to intimidate you because he knows he will carry through that threat with no more regard than for swatting a fly.

I see the truth of it now in Jamal’s eyes. He believes me.

“I know what you’re thinking,” I tell him. “You’ll do whatever it takes to get away from me, then barricade yourself away behind hundreds of hired help on your private planet until I personally meet with an ‘unfortunate accident’, or get killed by ‘unstable elements’ on whatever planet I should step on that feels your family’s influence.”

Jamal’s eyes widen and I get clear confirmation of the thoughts by reading them directly from what passes for his soul.

That was his chance. He just blew it.

“Yes, I thought as much. And once I’m out the way, you come back out to play as if nothing ever happened. As if I hadn’t beaten the hell out of you as if you were no more than an actual sack of sh*t. Then you’d go after my family and friends, free from possible retribution, to ‘avenge’ yourself for this ‘insult’ of being handled so roughly.”

I glare at him malevolently and hiss at him, “You know what an ‘insult’ is? An insult is forcing yourself on an impressionable twenty-four-year old girl who was genuinely honoured to meet such an important person as yourself. An insult is using your family’s influence to terrorise that girl into silence so she wouldn’t make it known that you are the disgusting, cowardly, bullying, lying sack of sh*t that everyone knows you to be but doesn’t dare say to your face. An insult,” I roar at him, my left forearm crushing into his windpipe, “is your consciousness’ continued existence in any dimension of being!”

He tries to squirm out of my grip, to push away the elbow choking the life out of him, and I see the stark terror in his eyes. But I already know that the terror is a fleeting thing in his mind to be pushed out again when the immediate danger is passed, as if in an eight-year-old mentality. I know that that he has learned nothing from what I’ve told him, nothing from the pain I inflicted on him, and he’ll go back to being his usual self once he’s sure he’s safe. This really will end up being “an eye for an eye”. He hurt someone I’m responsible for—just one of my officers, one I don’t even really know at all—so I hurt him back. In response he’ll hurt someone I care deeply about.

I know that as soon as he is away from me and protected by Daddy or his minions, that terror will be replaced by a hatred that will grow by the hour and will not be sated until my entire lineage is wiped from existence. 

It really is pre-emptive self-defence. I’m saving myself and my own a huge amount of grief in the very near future by nipping this in the bud now. One stitch in time saves nine later on. For the tree to grow properly, you need to prune a few branches.

Stop stalling and do it!

Ah, Captain, my Captain. Right again. I’m trying to distract myself with anything. I know I have to do it, but I’m trying to draw out the last moment before the loss of my innocence. I’ve killed before, and had the nightmares to prove it, but that was always in self-defence, or kill-or-be-killed situations. My phaser’s stun setting has saved me many a good night’s sleep.

But not this time. I’m about to murder someone, and I have to set my phaser to “prune”.

He sees me do it. He knows what it means.

“Please! I won’t come after you, I promise!” he begs, croaking the words out past my arm. I should have killed him right away, with no chance to protest. In trying to save my conscience, I’ve just given it some heavy artillery all its own to rip into me later with: a pitiful wretch of a man, begging me for his life.

The fact that I know he’s lying, that he’s not sincere, that he’ll recant his promise as soon as he’s safe, will mean nothing to my dreams.

Still pinning him to the square concrete pillar with my arm and ignoring his pitiable blubbering, I snarl in his face, “For the crimes of rape, flagrant and wilful misuse of personal influence, subverting the letter and process of the Law, assaulting multiple Starfleet officers, and various but unspecified acts of coercion, bribery, industrial espionage…” I pause, running out of accusations off the top of my head, but continue “you are sentenced to Death, said sentence to be carried out immediately.”

I push away from him and extend my phaser arm. He doesn’t try to run, just collapses in on himself, crying like baby.

“Please don’t kill me!” he wails.

I fire.

He lights up in an incandescent glow and shrieks before his body is completely disintegrated.

I quickly undress and phaser all my clothes into their component molecules and pad naked back to the base flitter. I hadn’t actually prepared for this, so I’m going to have to scrounge up some fresh clothes before getting out at the base. I raid the mining station dormitories and manage to find a coverall at least three sizes too big for me, but at least they don’t have any traces of his DNA on them.

I don’t bother sanitising the area with a specially-tuned phaser beam. That covers up the evidence, but it leaves traces that point to a cover-up. Within a day or so the traces of the two phaser blasts will be completely dispersed. Besides, if they get this far, it’s going to look like he had a fight and lost it, and was then vaporised. They’re not going to know who he fought with. That was the whole point of all this cloak and dagger.

Dagger! I check my arm and find it has stopped bleeding, but I need to trace around the whole area for blood drops.

I’d better sanitise the place after all. Setting about that task, I realise that I don’t feel any different, but I’m sure that will pass.

If it doesn’t, then I’ll start to feel worried.
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The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #38 on: September 21, 2006, 10:04:33 pm »
Oh
Hell
Yeah!


How very Ford and Thomas of you, Andy. I liked that very much.

Ford would have had Thomas beat him down...then said nothing and shot him in the same position and circumstance...

But the melodramatic effect has its merits too. If you're punishing someone...might as well they're mentally tramatized too... ;D

I say it should be in your 'canon'.

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #39 on: September 22, 2006, 09:36:17 am »
This version's a tad different from the one I read isn't it?
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #40 on: September 22, 2006, 02:35:07 pm »
Hey Guv, thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you liked it, but I was kinda wondering what you thought of the moral dimension. A--to this point--honourable Starfleet officer commits a cold-bludded murder as the lesser of two evils. Any comment on that, and how it affects his oath and continued service in the Fleet? (And that question is directed to anyone who reads this.)

Larry, like I said it's a while since I've looked at this, so I tidied up what I had a little more. Any differences sould be minor editing ones. Unless a certain other Beta Reader made suggestions I took onboard after I sent it to you...

That said, what do you think of it, Larry?
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The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #41 on: September 22, 2006, 11:19:27 pm »
The moral problem is one that every good officer would encounter eventually on some level. From mishandling files to possibly cover up a minor infraction to what You're dealing with here. Certainly yours is the more severe of the two, and bears even more thought and personal battle on the subject, thus Andrew's long pause before acting...

Ford might have gone through a similar instance in his own career, or even before (though he joined the Fleet at 17...). By the time he first takes command of Endeavour in '87, he is already 50 years old. He is 56 by the time of these stories. He's long since set his methods and has no real moral qualms about what he does for 'the greater good'. He doesn't kid himself about it though. He knows he's not living up to the new standards of humanity. But he doesn't lose any sleep over it either.

I believe Andrew WILL lose sleep over his action, because he's a better and more upright kind of person than Ford and Thomas. Rodenberry would roll over in his grave (or orbiting capsule) if a series were ever based on Ford and Thomas. Though I think ratings on TV would be better than ENT's run...

The question I put to you, though, can Brown get past this thing himself without it affecting everything he does in the future? Will his future decisions be marred by what he did in this story, or can he still convince himself to remain on the moral high ground? And how will he deal with the emotions there in?

Challenging stuff to write on, eh?

Them's my thoughts.

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #42 on: September 23, 2006, 11:38:09 am »
Excellent, Guv! This was exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for! (hint, hint)

Yes, my other Beta reader said there had better be consequences to this, and believe me there will be, but I just haven't got that far in the planning stages yet. Yet another Beta reader put forward something I'd forgotten completely about: Does he really think he can get away with it? How will he keep this from the standard (yearly?) Fleet psych profiling. Not only that, how does he keep his guilt and remorse from the telepathic species he serves with, especially while asleep?

Well, I have something from V.E. Mitchell's pretty good book 'Enemy Unseen'. S/He gives several paragraphs of Federation code on page 152 about a Federation citizen's mental privacy rights, started off with the line

Quote
Federation Code, Section 175, Subsection B (Mental Privacy): The right to mental privacy is an inalienable right of all Federation citizens and shall not be abrogated without due process of law.

By which I take it to mean telepaths are not allowed to scan people without a warrant. Also, unguarded thoughts in dreams are not admissable as evidence.

I'm going out now, so I'll complete this thought (if necessary) when I come back.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #43 on: September 23, 2006, 04:57:31 pm »
Yes, my other Beta reader said there had better be consequences to this, and believe me there will be, but I just haven't got that far in the planning stages yet. Yet another Beta reader put forward something I'd forgotten completely about: Does he really think he can get away with it? How will he keep this from the standard (yearly?) Fleet psych profiling. Not only that, how does he keep his guilt and remorse from the telepathic species he serves with, especially while asleep?

I detect the style of a certain 'he-who-shall-not-be-named' fella in a couple of those comments.

Naturally, there should be consequences for any actions taken by any character.  I'm sure you  have some worked out.  Please don't, however, take that other beta reader's (if it's who I'm thinking it is) ideas of morality too closely to heart.  While Andy is committing murder in this vignette, the circumstances that lead him to it are far from simple and his choice, in the end, is no more 'wrong' than allowing his victim to live considering what results will probably transpire from the fellow's continued existence.

I sense that the Beta Reader who demanded consequences was applying his own ideas about morality to his demands for consequences, but his views on such subjects can be a tad simplistic...you and I both know your characters are more complex, more real than his, and I deeply hope you continue to allow them to face complex decisions without the rigid and almost farcical version of 'good guy/bad guy' that he might suggest you employ.

Furthermore, people get away with murder all the time.  It's a sad fact, but it's true, and it's probably still true in the 23rd century, even with telepaths and other such running around.  The beta reader we're talking about here tends to make superheroes out of Vulcans and other such mind-strong races, though, whereas you do not, so I'm not at all worried that you'll emulate his suggestions in that vein.

I believe I also remarked on Andy's methods of covering up the crime...and either I misread the original version or some of the suggestions you implemented made me buy it more.  If you want, I'll even give it a reread over the next couple of days and give you a more extensive review.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #44 on: September 24, 2006, 07:44:14 am »
Fascinating reading. My main RP character from my old IRC sim group days would likely have strangled that creep with his bare hands then fed him to a disposal unit without worrying about it. Just taking out the trash, after all. My Kzin self...I guess K'thaaara would probably torture the cretin slowly over time, making a meal sof him pieces at a time, leaving him alive as long as possible.

Brown's moral dillemma fits whatg I've read of him, as does the time he takes to finally kill the creature who threatened his friend.

Technical nit: The only time I've seen a Type 1 phaser vape someone was in "The City on the Edge of Forever" when McCoy's weapon killed that bum. But I believe the bum inadvertently overloaded it. I'm pretty sure only type 2 and above have a Kill/Disrupt setting that doesn't leave a body.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #45 on: September 24, 2006, 12:47:04 pm »
We saw a hand phaser vaporize the Capellan dude in 'Friday's Child'.

The same episode also gave us the immortal line 'I'm a doctor, not an escalator'.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #46 on: September 24, 2006, 01:08:33 pm »
I'm loving this Andy. You know it feels a bit more star wars as star trek to me. If you discount the "holy" jedi, the SW universe has the same practical outlook on life.
Weighing actions and consequences, feels more real than the idealistic Trek universe.

And I think the talk was necessary. If only to justiy it for himself. And if he was evil, he wouldn't have done that.
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #47 on: September 25, 2006, 03:15:58 am »
A type 1? I'll have to watch that ep again...
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #48 on: September 25, 2006, 12:45:31 pm »
Thanks guys, I really appreciate the feedback, and keep it coming if you have anything to add.

Quote
The question I put to you, though, can Brown get past this thing himself without it affecting everything he does in the future? Will his future decisions be marred by what he did in this story, or can he still convince himself to remain on the moral high ground? And how will he deal with the emotions there in?

Challenging stuff to write on, eh?

That is exactly what I was aiming for, Guv. Since he's based on me, I don't think Andrew will convince himself he's still on the moral high ground and as a result it will undermine him in any moral situations he has to decide on. He will not leave Starfleet because: 1) that would prematurely kill my storyline, and 2) he's too selfish to give up his career when he hasn't been caught. He's not going to turn into a rampaging vigilante now. In fact, I think he's going to be even more careful as a result. Plus, he has a Vulcan wife by this point, so it'll be interesting to see what happens there. Will she see it as logical, if unethical? Will she find it morally repulsive and leave him? Who knows? This is me thinking about it for the first time, but oooh! the writing posibilities! *grin*

Larry, I would definitely like a "Larry's Patented Big-Ass Review" please. Re-read and digest. Corrolate opinions and report.  ;)
As for my other Beta reader, I respect his opinion precisely because he is who he is. I don't agree with maybe 1/3 to 2/3rds of what he says, depending on the topic, but an opposing viewpoint makes me think harder about the 'why's of it all. Balance must be maintained. You're my Spock, he's my McCoy. *grin*

Quote
...his choice, in the end, is no more 'wrong' than allowing his victim to live...

Now, here, you are wrong. He killed someone, which is always wrong if you believe there have to be even some absolute morals. However, this is a world of shades of grey, and the other Beta reader sees it in black and white. Andrew knows this is wrong. That is the whole point of the Chronicle. He knows doing this will damn him, but he's also absolutely convinced (at the end) that his choice is the lesser of two evils. The least amount of harm will be done by taking this action, but since I believe in karma what goes around comes around. Maybe he had it coming and Andrew was the Instrument of Karmic Justice, or maybe Karma will repay Andrew later for taking a life. Who knows?

Josh, in 'A Private Little War' Kirk and McCoy beam down as natives, where Kirk is bitten my a Mugato. McCoy atomises it, I think. Later, Tyree's wife Nona sees McCoy heating rocks with the Type-I to combat Kirk's fever. Later Nona and Kirk are attacked by another Mugato. A dazed Kirk atomises it with his concealed Type-I phaser, but she clobbers him to steal the phaser.

Also, as Larry says, in 'Friday's Child', the Klingon negotiating for mining rights beside Kirk & Co. steals one of the Starfleeter's Type-Is. Maab, having taken over in a bloody coup, comes to favour the Federation and in the endgame, Maab confronts the Klingon, who atomises him with the Type-I.

Grim, I have no doubt it feels less like Trek. The idea is actually from the Honour Harrington series by David Weber.

Quote
And I think the talk was necessary. If only to justiy it for himself. And if he was evil, he wouldn't have done that.

My point exactly. I always maintain that sometimes good people have to do bad things. As long as they know it's bad and struggle with it, they are still essentially good people. However, the society they are part of cannot, must not condone their actions, because otherwise that society has just invalidated it's principles. The society--and by definition, it's rulers/government--cannot be aware of, authorise or condone such activities, as if they think it an acceptable option, they are violating the principles they are trying to defend.

This does not, however, stop secret organisations from doing that society's dirty work. It has to be taken for granted though that such secret organisations and members thereof should be punished when caught.

It's a dichotomy I'm not comfortable with, but that's reality for you. Sometimes, to win, you need to get your hands dirty, and it looks as if that will be the case for the foreseeable future, if not for all time.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #49 on: September 25, 2006, 01:58:52 pm »
Quote
Now, here, you are wrong. He killed someone, which is always wrong if you believe there have to be even some absolute morals.

Don't think you quite took my meaning.  Of course committing cold-blooded murder is wrong...but...allowing what would probably happen if the man lived is just as wrong as killing him, especially since then the 'bad stuff' would likely be happening to those who didn't deserve it or could not defend themselves from it.

To me, at least, you're responsible for what you allow as much as for what you do.  Andy was placed in a situation where what would happen was more repulsive to him than killing his victim.  I'm not saying that's right, but I am saying that, if he's a moral creature...he had to do something.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #50 on: September 25, 2006, 10:49:18 pm »
Yes indeed.

By allowing a crime to be commited, you are abetting it. Knowing your inaction will lead to said crime, is the same. To me, it's more detestable than comitting the said 'murder' in this piece.

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Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #51 on: September 26, 2006, 04:06:28 am »
It's a classic case of having to chose between two evils. He chose the lesser. That...creature (he doesn't qualify as a person) could not be allowed to live.
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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #52 on: September 27, 2006, 11:05:46 am »
Quote
To me, at least, you're responsible for what you allow as much as for what you do.  Andy was placed in a situation where what would happen was more repulsive to him than killing his victim.  I'm not saying that's right, but I am saying that, if he's a moral creature...he had to do something.

And tihs is what I agree with entirely. You've summed it perfectly, Larry, the nail right on the head. Inaction can be and frequently is worse than the wrong action.

I read a book--I can't remember which one--that gave me this concept: Going out and making something happen, doing something about a distant or small problem, is usually better than waiting on that thing or problem coming to you in its own time.
Couple that with the above and you've got t he perfect motivation.

Quote
By allowing a crime to be commited, you are abetting it. Knowing your inaction will lead to said crime, is the same. To me, it's more detestable than comitting the said 'murder' in this piece.

I agree with this, but you're missing a vital point, Guv, and in doing so you've inverted the moral of the story.
He's not reviling himself for abetting the future crimes of the slime if he lets him go to trial.
He is fighting with his conscience, which knows that killing is wrong, plan and simple. He is fighting with the concept that, despite the damage to him and his morals, what it will do to his dreams at night and the eyes he'll see in the mirror each morning, to do anything else will end up ruining his life and the lives of everyone he cares about.
He is fighting with the concept that violating his morals and his oath is the only way to  prevent whole worlds of hurt, and that killing another truly is the lesser of two evils--in his world. His world, which will--with this act--become detached from the absolute morals to which he has held all his life.
In naval terms, his sea anchor is about to be lost in a hurricane. Will he ever find a peaceful shore again? Can he forge a new anchor?

Just food for thought.

And guys, I am literally thrilled with this discussion. If I haven't convinced you, or you want to convince me of a different viewpoint, keep it coming. :D
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Offline Jaeih t`Radaik

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #53 on: January 17, 2007, 01:07:03 pm »
This was a truly excellent piece, Andy. I honestly don't know what I would have done in that position. I know what I'd like to have done, but I don't know if I could have done it.

Likely, I'd have let him go. Not out of moral strength, but a lack of it. I'd have been too scared to kill him. A future worry is just that--nebulous, may not happen, even if the chance is very slight. I wouldn't be able to go through with killing him, cause that's immediate. Here and now.

Maybe you could write two elements of that? Like the film 'Sliding Doors'. His life splits into two timelines after that, each dealing with the consequences. probability theory suggests when each outcome is equally likely, all are implemented in alternate universes. You could do that, because he is just that conflicted.

Food for thought.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #54 on: January 19, 2007, 10:59:27 pm »
I agree with this, but you're missing a vital point, Guv, and in doing so you've inverted the moral of the story.

I indeed have highly inverted morals, my friend. Mine are more Old Testiment. Eye for an eye, Tooth for Tooth and such.

But the point is not missed, I assure you. I ramble on, and tend to go on past my original point. I am very interested to see how Andrew copes with all that has, and WILL happen.

Looking forward to much, much more.

--thu guv!
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #55 on: January 25, 2007, 01:25:03 am »
Your alterego in the Federation is well on the way to creating a universe in which he cannot exist.
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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #56 on: January 25, 2007, 11:29:10 am »
Not quite sure I catch your full meaning there, Rommie. Care to expound?
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #57 on: January 25, 2007, 03:34:02 pm »
Okay.

You make choices.  As you make the choices, it affects the things around you such as how others react to you, where you end up in life, how you feel about yourself, and how you feel about other things and people.

You can become the kind of person who can live with the choices you make, you can wrestle with justifying them to yourself, or you can try to be as you were before you made the choices.  In the first instance, you change and who you were before you made that choice no longer exists.  In the second instance you spend a lot of time tearing yourself up and can get a result anything from insane to highly conflicted or suicide.  In the last case, you're lying.  So you exist internally in a world that no longer exists externally.

How's that? 
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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #58 on: January 25, 2007, 09:03:05 pm »
Deep.  :D
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #59 on: January 26, 2007, 02:27:38 am »
I'm a real "Dune" philosopher.

In Dune Messiah, Skytale, the Face Dancer, tells the Reverend Mother that the Bene Tlielex had their own Kwisatch Haderach.  He elaborates that they got rid of him by creating a universe that he couldn't live in.  When the Spacing Guild Navigator doesn't understand, the Reverend Mother explains "he killed himself."
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Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #60 on: January 26, 2007, 08:03:04 am »
I thought I recognized that reference. I love the Dune series.
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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #61 on: January 26, 2007, 01:25:13 pm »
I liked the first book a lot, thought the second was just as good.  I didn't really like Children of Dune and found the ones after that to be entirely forgettable.  I haven't read any of the new ones written after his death.  I really liked the lampoon Doon though.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #62 on: January 26, 2007, 08:49:32 pm »
I read Dune when I was 13. Might have to re-read it to remember much of it. I still watch the movie though, but not the new one from Scifi Channel. That one bored me to tears... I bought it, but only watched it once.

I later read Then up to...Dune Messiah, I think. Have to agree with Rommie about her review of them.

--thu guv!
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Eleven
« Reply #63 on: July 19, 2008, 11:34:16 pm »
Surprisingly enough, no I haven't been watching, reading or downloading the news. I just remembered the episodes at the beginning of BSG(R) Season 3, when the Cylons had occupied New Caprica. I just remember being horrified with the XO, and this scene was playing out in my head as I did my dishes tonight.

Lemmie know what you think.




2294

“No! I absolutely, categorically, and expressly forbid it!” I roar at my junior officer.

Gamal rocks back on his heels, his ears almost literally pinned back. The others of our group look similarly surprised by my vehemence. I rub my eyes and regard the young officer. His ‘bright idea’ is just not going to happen, but I need us all on board if we’re going to manage our night-time escape from the ISC planet we’re trapped on. Our covert raid failed and now the resupply depot’s garrison is aware of and looking for us. There’s only one way back to our shuttle, and an enemy encampment is blocking our route.

“Lieutenant al-Rahhbi, that is a direct order. Now, are you going to obey it, or do I have to place you under arrest?”

Under arrest? Are you out of your mind? Sir,” he hurriedly appends.

I let it slide. I’m trying to get a very fundamental point across and don’t want it sidetracked. “Look, Lieutenant, there is absolutely no way in Tellar’s Seven Hells that I will ever accept that offer from anyone. Get it out of your head right now, and that’s an order too. I am not ordering you – any of you – to your deaths.”

“Sir, I’m volunteering! And if we don’t get out in time the rearguard you’re ordering to remain will—“

“—face the possibility they will die or be captured,” I cut him off, not quite agreeing with him. “But if we do get out, everyone comes home.”

“My way is far more effective and will almost certainly result in far fewer casualties or injuries on our side!” he continues to argue.

The thought occurs that I should stun him just to shut him up, but we have time for a lesson so I decide to give him one. “You’re arguing with your captain to get him to let you go blow yourself up,” I remind him cuttingly. “That’s stupid on two levels; you’re being insubordinate by disobeying a direct order to let it go, and you’re still arguing to be allowed to blow yourself up!

“Sir! Request permission to speak candidly, Sir!” he snaps out.

“Sure, we may as well make it official. I want this understood by everyone, people: this is not just for Gamal alone. You will hear why this will never happen under my command or within my influence, and then it will never happen or be discussed again as a legitimate tactical option. You all tracking that?” I bark.

My crew all nod or offer species-specific analogues. Gamal is the expected exception.

“Sir, I am not at all eager to lose my life, but I am willing to sacrifice myself if it will protect my crewmates and friends and allow them to escape. How is this any different from what you’re planning?” he demands in frustration. “My way will ensure the enemy cannot stop us. Doing it your way risks us being under fire all the way out if the rearguard is overrun!”

“You want to know the difference?” I yell into his face. “Okay, here it is: This is all about motive and intent. Your suicide bombing is all about taking as many enemy lives as possible and deliberately setting out to kill yourself while doing it. It’s all about death and destruction, and that is not how the Federation or the Star Fleet does things, and it sure as hell isn’t the way we do things under my command! I will sooner stun you and drag your stupid carcass back to the ship myself than allow you to stay and ‘volunteer’ for such a morally repugnant and wasteful act,” I blaze at him.

“Sir, I protest! You have no right to treat me this way!” Gamal fires back. “I offer you an alternative to your plan and you question my intelligence, my Oath—“

I stare the young idiot down. He’s arguing his commanding officer in a crisis situation so he has no leg to stand on. However, he’s in my crew and I am not in the habit of leaving people behind. He subsides, simmering.

“My rearguard action is all about saving as many of our lives as possible, with the hopes that if we get out in time, the rearguard can also be saved! It is all about life and hope, because where there is life, there is hope and that is what the Federation and Starfleet are all about, God-damnit!! When you have no hope you are beaten and just waiting to die. Equally, when you are that willing to give up your life you are a danger to those around you.

“We may not be able to rescue the rearguard. They will have to make a choice then; fighting to the bitter end or surrender. If they surrender they will still have their lives and their hopes of either being rescued, escaping at a later date, or being released.

“Have you got that? Is it penetrating that where there is life, there is hope? As soon as you give up that hope you’re a dead man anyway. Are you that eager to die, Lieutenant?”

“No Sir!” he snaps back, furious. “But I will do what I have to and what I can to safeguard the lives of my comrades, and I strongly and formally protest at your impugning my intelligence and questioning my motives!”

I reign in my temper. It’s running too hot and he’s right. I’ve overstepped. Trying to cool off, I nod. “You are correct, Lieutenant. I formally apologise for impugning your character.”

He doesn’t really look that mollified. Oh well.

“You do realise, don’t you Lieutenant, that I’m arguing to save your life too? That you are included in my ‘everyone makes it home’ plan? I don’t consider you expendable, Lieutenant. Maybe you should stop seeing yourself that way too.”

I think I’m getting through to him. He’s not immediately shouting back, anyway, so I take that as a hopeful sign. He’s a bit hard to read through his anger.

“We are not Klingons, Sto-vo-kor-bent on dying gloriously. The situation will never be that dire. And even if it ever does, this is not that situation. Your ‘alternate plan’ is rejected, Lieutenant. My orders stand.”

“Very well, Captain.”

He looks as if he’s swallowing what he wants to say, but he’s finally acting like a Starfleet officer and obeying his captain’s orders. Bloody took him long enough. I get back to the planning business at hand: the survival of all of us.



I'm not happy with the ending, but the surrounding scene was hard to engineer. All I had was the immediate argument, and TI think that probably shows.

Thoughts, comments, and suggestions are welcome. If you have an idea for a better wrap around, that'd be good too.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2009, 12:54:27 am by Scottish Andy »
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2288

Offline Tus-XC

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #64 on: July 20, 2008, 12:14:42 am »
the only critque that i can think that could possibly make this better  is what is the condition of the LT at this point in time, wounded, what?  I can't see why he would be so willing to kill himself to save the others unless he was pretty injured or had been shocked into this thought process.  Outside of that it read well and while i have some minor issues w/ the progress of the arguement, it is reasonable enough to me to be believable.
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #65 on: July 20, 2008, 02:03:12 am »
Thanks for the reply, Tus, it is much appreciated. To answer your question, the young Lt. is perfect health.

After an extended discussion with Larry, I've realised that this piece is flawed. As I state in the intro and outro, this was a rant that popped into my head from a BSG story arc, and I wanted to vent my own spleen on it. Since I do this in a Trek setting, I had to develop a scenario to match the BSG ep, and here I failed.

The captain's rant (for a rant it indeed is) is almost unaltered from what went in my head while doing the dishes. However, the situation is different and, most importantly, the young Lt. is not the hate-filled XO of Galactica battling occupiers. I tried to write him as more "gunning for the enemy" than noble, in like with Tye, but "the kid", as Larry calls him, is a Starfleet Officer and he wouldn't let me write him that way. :)

So, in summation, we have the Captain ranting against the XO of the Battlestar Galactica, and this poor kid wondering what the hell he just stepped in front of. :)  As such, the whole scene suffers so I'm going to deep six it. The whole point was the rant, and it didn't quite work. Maybe I'll use a different situation, or have Jaeih use it in her Dominion War arc. ;)

If you feel differently, by all means let me know and tell all what's on your mind. Did it work for you? If so, how? if not, how?

For now, I'm off to bed. (mutters something about staying up too damn late again and wondering how he managed to "discuss" away another 3 hours...)
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- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #66 on: July 20, 2008, 10:30:54 pm »
I like it and wouldn't remove it.

Why? 

Because it's another great example of people being human in ST.  It's nice to see Starfleet Officers not being perfect.  Scott Bennie was the master at this and I find this example to be in the same vein.  Yeah, it's jarring.  Yeah, the guy who got ranted at didn't deserve it, but it's good to see the boss man having a really bad day and needing someone to blow up at.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Chronicle Seven
« Reply #67 on: July 20, 2008, 11:30:27 pm »
I just remembered the episodes at the beginning of BSG(R) Season 3, when the Cylons had occupied New Caprica. I just remember being horrified with the XO, and this scene was playing out in my head as I did my dishes tonight.


It does figure that you WOULD be horrified with my favorite character of the entire series...

--guv

PS: It's Colonel Tigh
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saul_Tigh
« Last Edit: July 20, 2008, 11:52:58 pm by Governor Ronjar »
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #68 on: July 21, 2008, 07:34:36 pm »
Nothing to say on the actual scene though Guv? And while Tigh is a good character (oh and thanks for the link; I've now had the ending to the series spoiled. You killed Kenny!) he is not a good person. :)
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #69 on: July 21, 2008, 09:53:09 pm »
No, nothing particular to say about the scene. You yourself said pretty much anything I would have thought. Taken with or without those thoughts, it's not a very realistic scene unless you read more into it than what's described, and make the assumtion Kadh does. Which is a stretch.

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Twelve
« Reply #70 on: April 22, 2009, 01:36:19 am »
Denied sleep tonight after being in bed for 2 1/2 hours for the express purpose of catching up on my sleep, I got back up and decided to try writing before making another attempt at sleep. Unfortunately, my mind -- desperately craving sleep -- was not up to it, so I re-read some of my old stuff. Among them, my Chronicles. There's several of them in my Word file, lying barely started or incomplete, and some of them are pretty damn good even if I do say so myself.

This one, written apparently right after my failed 'BSG Rant' attempt, seemed pretty complete to me, viewing it months or even a year later. I don't remember what inspired this particular one -- it's been too long -- but it seemed pretty much done as a short chronicle. So, I decided to post it for your delight and delectation and to say something worthwhile came out of my lack of sleep which will be incredibly debilitating tomorrow.

I've tried to come up with a good ending (the last few lines only) for this, and we'll hopefully hear what you think of it.



2275

“Everyone has their price, Starfleet,” the Orion told me, stating it without heat or sneer. He believed in it as a matter of fact, as a cornerstone of his very existence. “In some it will be riches, in others their cherished morals. But there does come a point for everyone where their desires or needs must be satisfied and they will pay whatever it takes, in whatever coin they possess.”

There was no arguing with that level of certainty. I didn’t bother wasting my breath.

“What, no words of defiance?” he asked, affecting a shocked countenance. “No pretty, flowery words about never giving up, never surrendering to the inevitable?”

I tuned him out. Words would have no impact on him and neither did I want to entertain him by playing to his notions. I concentrated on the task at hand.

F’deraxt’la! Talking to you!” he called again moments later, obviously just trying to needle me and not really caring if I answered or not.

Karskat fool,” I chided him mildly. Nothing needles certain types of people more than being taken lightly. “If you still think Humans have three biological parents then you really are as stupid as you appear to be.” Maybe I could at least educate him on xenobiology.

I heard the metal clamps I’d managed to wrestle the monster into creak as he exerted some force on them. I hoped the merely iron cuffs would hold against his two gravities-bred strength and 130 kilo mass. It had taken a considerable amount of physical effort coupled with surprise – and a couple of stun blasts for good measure – to put the Orion down. I rather doubted I’d be that lucky again.

“Your crewmates will do it, you know.” Again with the dig, but his own tone was a bit less playful. Maybe I should just stun him again, save myself some aggravation, but it pleased me that I might be irritating him far more than he was me.

“They’ve been ordered to do it, you karskat fool,” I repeated my curse. More creaking. I guess he didn’t like me using the Andorian word for ‘misbegotten’ when referring to him. “They’re Starfleet. They understand the concept of self-sacrifice so that others might live. We live, and sometimes die, by that code. Something your entire karskat so-called ‘culture’ knows nothing about.”

My mild tone was really getting to him. It still amazes me how much it does to so many different peoples. I’ve used it countless times to great effect.

“Oh yes, so very noble, little f’deraxt’la,” he sneered. “And what does it do for you? Gets you killed for nothing. You do not benefit your line, gain no influence, exert no influence with such acts. They are pointless,” he concluded dismissively.

“Stopped you from supplying high-tech weaponry to both sides of a war and getting fat and happy from the misery of untold millions, didn’t it?” I murmured with relish.

“Bah. Someone else will merely take the opportunity you denied me.”

I turned to face him. “Not on my watch, pal,” I smirked. “There’s going to be enough bloodshed with their own projectile weapons. There is no way in all the Hells of all the species that ever existed that I’m letting anyone escalate that with hand-held disruptors.”

“You can’t be here all the time, statorfleet,” he returned nastily. “You and all your tislin friends, always scurrying to deny the natural order of things. Supply and demand is all there is, little mammal. When some want, others will provide. Your pointless laws and regulations deny this very basic foundation of the universe, and you wonder why people still break them.”

“Just because you can do a thing, it doesn’t follow that you must do that thing,” I fire back.

“Why not?”

The simple puzzlement in his voice spoke volumes.

“Your sibling wants a disruptor to kill himself. Do you provide that disruptor?” I ask rhetorically. “Or do you talk them out of ending their own life?”

“I have no siblings.”

I shake my head and blow out an exasperated breath. “Great Bird preserve me from the literal-minded.”

“Praying to your ridiculous deity will not change anything, statorfleet,” the Orion retorted disdainfully. “And your analogy is pathetic. Any being truly wanting to commit suicide will find a way; this is so even in your ‘so-called culture’.” He took great relish in parroting my words back at me. “Your ship will bend to the circumstances; circumstances engineered by my will. Even if I do not make my sale to the Kazarians, the sale of your ship and crew will more than cover my losses. Enjoy your freedom while you can, Human. It ends soon.”

I tuned him out again. If there’s one thing in the galaxy I could rely on it’s the captain of the Cortés . Regardless of what this goon thought, she’d come through for me. I just had to be ready for her.

Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #71 on: April 26, 2011, 03:21:04 pm »
*self-indulgent BUMP*

No thoughts on that last chronicle? Anyone?
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #72 on: April 27, 2011, 07:06:45 am »
Didn't get the notification untill the bump, or either I missed the mail. Anyways, back on topic: I like it, especially that fact that the bad guy still is not convinced. I really hate it when ppl completely committed to their way of live see the errors of their ways after a few words. I've seen the like but rarely in real live, I assume that being an alien does not change that.

Oh and I like seeing something from you here again! 

Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Scottish Andy

  • First Officer of the Good Ship Kusanagi
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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #73 on: August 09, 2012, 03:00:45 pm »
*self-indulgent BUMP II*

My thanks to Grim for commenting, but nothing from anyone else on that last Chronicle? I thought it was pretty good, and I want many others to pat my back for me.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Scottish Andy

  • First Officer of the Good Ship Kusanagi
  • Lt. Commander
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  • Posts: 1086
  • Gender: Male
  • New and improved.
    • Starbase 23
Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #74 on: April 06, 2013, 06:17:33 pm »
Eep. No comments yet despite two previous bumps.
Okay, a final try. Third time lucky, as they say.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Captain Sharp

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #75 on: April 14, 2013, 09:05:19 pm »
Never saw that post at all, tho such isn't surprising considering I forget this site exists for years at a time.

Anywho, not a whole lot there to comment on. Good writing, of course, as yours always is. Beyond that, naw, sorry, my mind draws a blank.

--guv
"Jayne?"

"Yeah?"

"You wanna tell me why there's a statue of you here lookin' like I owe him something?"

"Wishin' I could, Captain. "

Offline KBF-Frank

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #76 on: April 15, 2013, 10:15:52 pm »
Reading  :) and waiting for more