Topic: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles  (Read 21119 times)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« on: February 02, 2006, 10:46:21 pm »
Hi all.

Since I'm having a little trouble getting moving with my new story, 'Raider', I thought I'd try a few writing exercises, such as the ones Larry's been doing with his Star Wars Jedi apprentice. These pieces will be 100 word Drabbles, a slice of a single scene, a short story, or whatever I can manage at the time.

Let me know what you think of them - when I manage to post them. I've no time tonight (the time I allocated ran out) so I'll be contributing to this thread from time to time.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
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Offline Scottish Andy

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The Andy Chronicles: One
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2006, 12:26:26 am »
Well, I didn't go straight to bed like I thought I would. Here's the first. It was supposed to be a "drabble", which is 100 words exactly, but I found I didn't want to cut any of it out by trimming it back down. So, here it stands, as a scene-slice of its own.

Tell me what you think.

2249

“Look up, Andrew,” his mother told him. “See that point of light?”

“Which one, mum? There’s millions!” the well-read ten-year-old replied, pushing his spectacles back up to the bridge of his nose as he stared up through the gathering twilight.

“The brightest one, there,” his mother replied, holding his left shoulder and looking over his right as she guided her son’s eyes with her outstretched arm.

“Ooooh yes, I see it! What is it? It’s not in any of the const… constipations we’ve been taught,” he asked, brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to remember his astronomy.

His mother smiled at his mistake and gently corrected him. “Constellations, Andrew, and yes, you’re right that it’s not a star. This is what I wanted to show you. That’s a spaceship in orbit, that’ll be landing at Edinburgh spaceport shortly.”

The boy spun in delight to face his mother, face bursting with the question. “Is it…?”

“Yes Andrew, it is,” she replied, beaming at her son’s enthusiasm.

Andrew spun again to try and find the brightest star-that-wasn’t, found it, and yelled, “Daddy!
« Last Edit: February 04, 2006, 03:12:43 pm by Scottish Andy »
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The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2006, 01:07:58 am »
:)
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline KBF-Netman

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2006, 01:20:18 am »
:)

Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Two
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2006, 03:26:33 pm »
More from the mind of an Average John in the Star Fleet uniform.



2250

"...so, that's how the navigational deflector beam clears space in front of a ship going at warp speed."

The boy's brow furrowed, trying to assimilate the knowledge his father was giving him. "A beam of energy shoots out in front of the ship? Even faster than the ship is going?"

"That's right, son."

"But how... how is that possible?" the befuddled eleven-year old asked.

"Andrew, don't confuse him. He's just learned how to say 'constellation' properly, now you're giving him 'navigational deflector'?"

Andrew Brown Sr. looked up at his wife's scolding and waggled his bushy eyebrows. "If he wants to be an Ship's Engineer like his Dad, he has to learn these things at some point."

"Andrew, he's eleven!"

"So, he can be my apprentice. Right, Andrew?" he asked with a wink at his son.

Andrew Jr. caught the wink and knew the lesson was over. Now it was time to tease his mother. A big grin split his face and he said, "Does that mean I get a real dynospanner?"

His mother rolled her eyes and retreated, leaving the father and son to their technobabble.

« Last Edit: February 04, 2006, 03:42:17 pm by Scottish Andy »
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Three
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2006, 05:18:49 pm »
You know, I'm really getting into this. These are just not drabbles in any sense of the word, though. This last one almost clocked in as a triple-drabble.

Anyway, I want to hear from you. Are they a worthwhile read? Does it give you insight into the forming of a character? Evoke the emotions I'm obviously wanting to? Let me know what you think of them.



2255

“Starfleet? Starfleet? You’re going into the military? Andrew, you're sixteen!

Andrew winced at the rising tone of his upset mother’s voice. “Yes, Mum. I’ve decided this is what I want to do. I want to apply to Starfleet Academy and enrole next year. I’ve given it a lot of thought, believe me.”

“Have you now? Do you really know what that’ll demand of you? Have you never heard of Klingons? Do you know just how dangerous military service can be? You may have to kill people! You could be killed out there! Why would you want to do this?”

He heard the unspoken “to me” quite clearly. “Mum, the Star Fleet is only the military in times of war! The rest of the time they’re explorers! I want to go out there and see things! I’m finally sick of just sitting in my room, playing with my computer. I’m ready to stop playing and do something with my life! I want to be useful!

Andrew was not sure if his mother heard his own unspoken, “I want to be needed,” but it was clear she was at a loss.

“Does your father know?” she demanded.

Andrew sighed. Dad was only ever “your father” when he was in trouble. Admittedly, what he was about to say would only get someone else into trouble.

“Yes, Mum, I told him. I had this same conversation with him, and he said I’d better talk to you right away, then we could ‘sit down and discuss it’.”

“You are so right we’re going to discuss this… this lunacy!

Andrew suppressed another sigh. This is going to be a struggle and a half. So much for divide and conquer.

His mother strode from the room, off to find his father. “Come on then.”

Bracing himself, he followed.
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2006, 06:08:30 pm »
I'm really, really liking these.

Can't analyze them the way I do one of your stories.  I'll just say that so far the second one is my favorite, but all are quite cool.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
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Offline KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2006, 11:57:46 pm »
I'm enjoying these as well. It'd be hard to pick a favorite, but the third one resonates with me a bit. It kind of reminds me of when I was 15 or 16 and I told my mother I was going to join the Navy and become a submariner. She wasn't dead set opposed to it, unlike Andrew's mother, but she did ask me in a somewhat trepidated voice a few times, "Well... are you sure there isn't something else you might want to do?" I didn't hear the unspoken "Something safer, maybe?" in her voice then, and my answer to that question was always, "Well, I'd like to fly Tomcats, but my vision isn't good enough..." which hardly reassured her. ;) 'Course, I ended up joining the Air Force as a reservist with a cushy desk job, in a time when we're not fighting or preparing for a full-scale war with someone like we were 20 years ago, which I'm sure made her feel a bit better. Unlike Andrew's mum, whose poor deluded son wants to go off haring into space where horrible things like Klingons roam unchecked. ;D
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Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2006, 12:40:00 am »
lol...yeah, I remember that.  My mother pitched a fit when I told her that I wanted to join the Navy.  But she said that I was my own man and that she wouldn't tell me I couldn't do it.  Turned out that the Navy wouldn't accept me because of surgery on my spine to correct Scoliosis.  She never said I told you so, or that it was good that they turned me down.  I knew that my vision wasn't good enough, but flying a Hornet or a Tomcat never appealed to me, I prefered manning the bigger guns on a Cruiser or a Destroyer.
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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2006, 02:45:16 am »
I loved the first one, was okay with the second one, and didn't feel a thing from the third one.  The first one was that wonderful emotion.  The second one is a slice of life and so it the third.  To me though, the third one is sooo normal of an event for anyone growing independent that you would need to do it exceptionally brilliantly in a short piece for it to move me.  Tough sell yes, but I'm still not buying.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2006, 12:55:13 am »
Enjoying!

Have you more?
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2006, 06:38:10 pm »
Not yet, Guv. Kinda blocked up on the Trek writing these days. I'll try and do more, IO had ideas for some earlier on.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
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The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2006, 08:33:49 am »
Heh... I just noticed something. My slice about joining the Navy hit a chord with the people who'd actually done it, where as the others didn't really feel it. That leads me to two, diametrically opposed thoughts:

1) The people who did it knows what its really like and my scene tells it like it is, or (more likely, IMHO)

2) The people who'd done it have their own memories of the emotions of what it was like to do that, and it filled in the gaps that people without the experience couldn't.

I honestly think I did give Slice 3 short shrift, even as I was doing it. It either deserves a much longer scene, or a shorter one with more impact. I think I'll be including these into bigger scenes anyway, later on. Maybe as flashbacks, since my PoV is 1st-person immediate.

Anyway, what do you think of my musings here?
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline kadh2000

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2006, 10:34:44 pm »
My responses are thus.

1.  I think everyone's gone off and done something, made a first adult decision that terrified their mother.  So the "off to join starfleet" bit should strike a familiar chord witho anyone who's made that break away from home.

2. A well told story should resonate with the majority of readers not just those who've had a similar or the same experience.  If a person has to fill in their own experience to feel that resonation I think there is a failure on the part of the writer for those readers who don't have that experience.  If the writer's target audience is those readers; however, creating that sensation and allowing them to respond to it on thier own level may be the ideal way to go.

3. I'm probably just jealous that you've been able to write something recently and I haven't.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2006, 10:48:06 pm by kadh2000 »
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2006, 08:50:55 pm »
Well Kadh, 2) is pretty much what I figured. I didn't create a good enough emotional resonance and other people's memories filled in the blanks in my stories.
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The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Jaeih t`Radaik

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #15 on: February 23, 2006, 08:26:19 am »
Hey Andy,

These are pretty good! I have to agree with Kadh, though. The first one almost made me well up, it was so cute and true, such an honest feeling.

The second piece was nice too, but I never really had moments like that except from the opposite side. Still good, though. The third scene did feel kinda--stark. No lead into, no build up, just boom, there it is with no emotional context. There is something there, but as I said, it's kinda sudden.

I'd agree that you rushed the last one and it deserves better, like you said. It needs a lead in, so either give it one.

Keep going with these, though. If you concentrate on them like you did the first one, you'll get the result you want.  ;)
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Chronicle Four
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2006, 10:13:02 pm »
Another quickie that came to me during work, and one I actually spent some time thinking though before putting it out. This is already up on my site (www.starbse23.net) but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this one and I see Jaeih isn't meeting with much luck getting comments by posting just links here.

So, let me know what you think. All comments welcome.



September 2257

“So, are you going to ask her out or not?”

I hunch my shoulders and scuff my boot soles against the ground, an expression of what has been recently described to me as “stubborn misery” overtaking my features. I assume it’s that expression, anyway. My facial muscles tighten and I feel the same way as I did the last time I was asked this question.

“No.” The determination and irritation that I’m feeling come out loud and clear in that one word.

“God-dammit Andy, why the hell not?”

I sigh, steeling myself to go over the same old argument. “She doesn’t even know I exist,” I tell my friend/tormentor, just as I’ve told them before, five times already this month.

It’s the Fifth.

“Andrew, you’re her study partner!” Toni responds with the now traditional counter challenge.

I decide to take a different vector, hoping to put an end to this for once and for all. Snagging my fellow cadet by the arm, arrest our progress across the quad and direct us over to a bench were we can have it out quietly. I may not get any lunch today, but I can go hungry for a few hours to gain some respite from this issue.

Seemingly knowing what I have in mind, and—for once—quite content to let me say my piece, Toni waits expectantly on my rationalisation on why I’m not going to ask out the girl I’m hopelessly infatuated with.

“Look, that’s exactly why I can’t ask her out! She’s my friend. We hang out, study together, have lots of classes together, and see each other several times a day. We have a great time together—”

“Except for the fact that you’re desperately in love with her and it’s making you miserable—” Toni interjects.

“I’m not miserable!” I tell her strenuously—possibly too much so. I continue, “If you actually want me to put it in my own words, then I’m ‘wistful and sad’. But I spend loads of time with her already and it’s not like I’ve anyone to be jealous of! She has no boyfriend—”

She cuts me off again, interjecting, “Which is why it’s better to ask her now, before someone else does! What happens when she finally does start seeing someone? Do you think she’ll be spending as much time with you then as she does now?” she demands, driving her point home. “I’ve seen her too, Andy. No one’s as close to her here as you are—”

“Toni, we’re friends,” I say again, belabouring the point and cutting her off this time. “Good friends. If I ask her out and she says no, then what? You let that genie out of the bottle and your great friendship is never quite the same again. The friendship is tarnished with hidden thoughts of ‘maybe he was just being friendly to get me into bed with him’.”

“But that’s true, isn’t it?” she asks, all innocence.

I glare balefully at her. “Yes, damn you, it is. But you know I can’t just up and ask a girl out! You’ve known me for almost a year, but I’ve been in classes with you from Day One. It took me six months just to be able to speak to you without turning into a gibbering idiot!” I almost shout, more angry and myself for being that way that at her for pointing it out.

She looks hurt nonetheless. “And now you can curse me out like I’m a useless servant. My, what progress you’ve made,” she observes caustically.

My anger deflates rapidly. Toni—Antonia—Shilletto is my best friend at Starfleet Academy, even closer to me than Scott ‘Scotty-boy’ Gardiner, a fellow countryman from my own town back home. Hurting or alienating her is the last—second last—thing I want to do right now.

I fetch a heartfelt sigh and tell her, “I’m sorry for cursing you, Toni. You know I’m not trying to hurt you.”

Her eyes soften again. “Yes, I know that. I could see it in you from first I laid eyes on you.”

I look up, startled. The way she said that… could she be interested in me? The thought defies comprehension. I’m a plain, ordinary-looking Scotsman with nothing special to offer in looks—or anything, really—and Toni is a voluptuous, dark-haired, creamy-skinned Italian girl with liquid brown, almond-shaped eyes and a fun-loving, full-of-life personality. Fully half the humanoid males in our class of a thousand have asked her out at some point or other, and the other half no doubt still have plans to do so. What could she possibly see in me? I’m not in love with her or anything, but I am a guy and the thought of spending a night in with Toni has me all—in a tizzy.

That mind-boggling, ego-inflating thought is immediately blown out of the water as she continues.

“That’s why I chose you to hang out with instead of all those posturing buffoons who were constantly out to impress me. All they were after was a roll in the hay.” She rolls her large brown eyes in contemptuous amusement. “I knew you wouldn’t do that.”

My previously swelling ego shrivels up faster than if it’d taken a dip in the North Sea, and I find myself horrified at her words. “You think of me as some sort of eunuch?” I cry, drawing back in hurt anger.

“Don’t be a stupid fool,” she retorts irritably. It is all the more reassuring for its angry tone, not wanting anything to do with my ridiculous assumption. “I mean that I knew you would never take advantage of me in that way. Use and abuse a friendship as a jumping point—so to speak—to get close to me for the express purpose of bedding me.”

Even though I’m flattered by her trust in me, I’m angry at that I seem so… unmanly… to her, so I push out, “But I do want to sleep with you, Toni.”

“Oh, I know that,” she tells me matter-of-factly, again completely bringing my beleaguered brain to a juddering halt. “I could see that too. I mean, look at me. I’m hot,” she gestures at herself, continuing without false modesty. “I also know that you’d never actually want to date me because I’m too damn bossy. The difference with you, Andrew, is that you value your friendships even over your own desires.”

I stare at her with an empty brain, my ghast truly flabbered, unable to think of anything to say to these stunning—to me, anyway—revelations.

Getting no immediate response—presumably beyond my patented “bunny-in-the-headlights” look—Toni expounds on her point. “Now, this makes you a great friend and a good guy, but you also take it to the opposite extreme and basically subjugate your own feelings and wants for the good of whatever ‘group’ you’ve attached yourself to. As a Starfleet officer, this trait will serve you well. As a real person, it makes you a wimp, unwilling to speak out about being unhappy for fear of rocking the boat.

“Andy, sometimes you have to get wet.”

I look at her, my mind slowly reassembling itself. What she’s saying sounds like good advice, so I store it for later. Finally able to form sentences again, I summarise her theory. “So you think I’m a wimp for not asking her out?”

“Yes,” she replies simply. “This isn’t some life-or-death decision for the fate of the Federation. You’re afraid to take the chance. To answer your previous question: if she says no, then you find a way to deal with it. You have a genuine friendship there. Let it move on naturally to the next stage. If she says no, don’t start hiding from her. That very avoidance will likely be the thing that convinces her of that which you fear most: her believing your friendship was a lie.

“Face it like a man, head on and damn the torpedoes and all that,” she finishes with a grin.

I turn away from her, facing straight ahead and settling back onto the bench. The view is lovely on this muggy autumn day in San Francisco, ancient trees giving a riot of colour with their leaves displaying the last splashes of summer green mixing with the more prevalent autumn gold. The rain is fortunately absent this day, and the sky is mostly clear of clouds. This age-old display of natural beauty frames the familiar buildings of the Academy campus, now almost a hundred years old, and gives me a grounding in the here and now as I organise my thoughts. I stare into space and ponder the words of my friend, who lapses into silence, no doubt having made her point and giving me time to think it though.

She is right. I hate conflict or feeling awkward, so the idea of tackling the problem head-on and dealing with the consequences of a rejection is what is stopping me from asking this girl out.

I really need to get over that if I want to be an effective Starfleet officer.

It is just that simple, too. I can take this step and grow as a person, regardless of the outcome, or I can shrug my shoulders, dismiss it and stay the same old me—and probably end up as a science officer on a police cutter, if I even manage to graduate at all.

My ruminating is cut short, as suddenly there she is! I bolt to my feet but then become rooted to the spot, my mind windmilling again. She hasn’t seen me yet! Sit down, think some more about this. Don’t rush in and screw things up!

I flush red and swallow painfully, my throat suddenly dry. I’ve never asked a girl out in my life! What am I doing?

Taking no more time to think, I square my shoulders—manfully, I hope, but out of the corner of my eye I do catch Toni hiding a smirk behind her hand—and set off towards the path again.

“I’ll see you in class,” I croak over my shoulder to Toni, and stride toward my destiny.
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The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

2288

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2006, 11:16:02 pm »
I'd tap Toni.

*shifts his eyes about suspiciously*
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Tus-XC

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2006, 12:01:27 am »
the guy is an introvert (this coming from someone who is bit introverted...), go figure lol.  I like this character ;)
Rob

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Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Star Trek: The Andy Chronicles
« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2006, 07:07:46 am »
wow, that hits a bit too close for comfort ;) Thank god my g/f had a little more bluff
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole