Topic: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation  (Read 34641 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline kadh2000

  • Admiral, of course
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 356
  • Gender: Male
    • Kadh's Empire
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #100 on: December 05, 2007, 03:55:08 pm »
I just finished reading this just now and I think I've figured it out.  This isn't anime or manga or anything like that.  It's a fairy tale.  Damned good one too.  I also want a copy.

On the extra bit:  that was funny.  It's the only part that feels like anime to me.  Supposed to, neh?  I know you said this was different from your usual style.  This is good, keep doing it this way.

There are minor punctuation errors in the X-file.  I figure you didn't edit it. 
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #101 on: December 09, 2007, 01:58:58 am »
Kadh: okay, you're on the get a copy list.  Can you host the pdf?  A fairy tale?  I guess that's s good as any genre.  I prefer the word 'myth'.

Here's the rest of chapter 8...



My Captain is Tommy Applebaum?  The one who saved me when I was a little girl and gave me the ring with the Starship Seal.  Acasja remembered the dark hair, the hands that had wiped away her tears, and tried to reconcile that with the long-haired redhead that stood in front of her.  Tears started to form in her eyes.  I came this far to be like him…

"You came to the academy looking for your Prince Charming?" he asked her, closing the distance between them.  "Am I right?"  He put his hand gently on her shoulder.  "You came all this way and now here I am."

Part of her really wanted it to be true.  "Can you really be him?  If you were, why would you do this?  Why would my Captain make me fight?"

"Because I knew in my heart that you would win," he answered her.  

"When I met him, he looked so grown up, but you…" she protested.

"It was a moment beyond space and time, like those when the power of Aion is activated - transcendent."

"That's true," she admitted, "it was."

His look grew more intense, the pressure on her shoulder lessened and he stepped until he was touching her.  He lifted his hand to caress her cheek.  "I called you here at long last, after you grew into my ideal woman, to make you mine - and mine alone, Acasja."

Is he really the Captain from that day? His lips were almost touching hers.  But something is different! She raised her left hand between their faces and turned to the side.  "Wait, wait a minute."

The door opened and Angela entered.  She was carrying a watering can.  "This isn't..." Acasja began, but Angela apologized.

"I'm sorry to intrude, but it's time to water the roses.  I'll be done right away."

"Wait, wait a minute," Acasja said again.  "Angela."

"Ignore her," Tommy said.  "The consort has no soul.  She's only loyal to her position."

Acasja watched her work for a moment, moving from flower to flower.  "What does it mean when you say Angela doesn't have a soul?"

"Her heart belongs to no one," he answered. "How else could she ever enjoy being the consort?”

Acasja couldn't take her eyes off her roommate.  Angela reached onto a flower petal and pulled off an insect and crushed it between her fingers.  "Enjoy being the consort?  Angela Oteri is just a normal girl.  This is no life for her!"

"Really?" he said mockingly.  "Do you think she feels the same way?"  He raised his voice. "Tell us, Angela, what do you think about being the consort?"

The girl looked up, startled, and slowly echoed his question.  "What do I think?"

"Acasja believes you're a normal girl.  I think nothing of the kind.  Far from it."

Angela looked at her.  "Lady Acasja, you believe?"  She looked back at Tommy.  "Yes.  Yes I am normal."  Her voice was flat, her response was without a shred of feeling.

"She does whatever you say.  After all, she's your betrothed, isn't she?  At least for now."

Acasja turned on him angrily.  "So that's it.  You plan to fight me.  You want her for yourself just like all the others."

"What I want is you."

She looked searchingly into his eyes.  "I don't believe you!"  She could feel danger from him.  Acasja grabbed her roommate by the arm and dragged her out of the building.  "Let's get out of here!"

"The watering..." Angela tried to protest.  "I haven't finished yet."

"It doesn't matter!"  Acasja was able to drag Angela out of the building.  

Finally outside, she relaxed her grip and Angela stuck her head back through the open doorway to ask Captain Applebaum, "Um, could you please finish watering the roses?"

"Angela!"  This time Acasja slammed the door.

Captain Applebaum walked lazily to the door and looked out after the fleeing pair.  "Heh," he laughed.  "The two of them… so cute.  I love it how Acasja gets so worked up and how Angela is the total opposite.”

Once they were out of sight of the greenhouse, Acasja stated,  "This must stop!  There won't be any more ‘Lady Acasja’ from now on."

"What?"

Acasja spoke rapidly, wanting to get it all out before Angela could respond.  "We have to show the Society President, and all the others, that you're a normal girl!  A normal girl with your own free will.  If you say you don't want to be the consort, then there won't be any more of this duelling nonsense.  And this isn't an order.  It's a request, Angela, from a friend."

"Then alright, Lady Acasja," Angela responded evenly.

"Like I said!" Acasja said, pumping her fist excitedly.  You've got it wrong.  

The next day, after morning classes were over, she took Angela with her to find Wanda in the Fourth Class Dorm.  She tried to explain the situation to her former roommate.  "...so you see, we need your help.  Angela seems a bit weird because she doesn't have any normal girlfriends who could be a role model for her.  And God knows I'm not much of a role model, so..."

Wanda looked at Angela and then Acasja, her mouth tight.  "You're saying I should be her friend."

"Yeah.  I want you to be a good influence on Angela.  C'mon Angela, ask her yourself."

Angela knelt before the girl.  "Thank you for all of this, Wanda."

Still not sounding pleased, Wanda said, "Yeah sure, I'll give it a try for a while since it's what Acasja wants."  She turned to Acasja.  "So that’s settled.  Let’s have lunch.  I made yours, too, Acasja.  Made it with love."  She gave her a small basket. "Here you go. Isn't it too cute?"  Acasja looked at the food in the basket.  It was arranged in the shape of a heart.  Oh no.

A heavy box thumped on the ground.  "Oh, I made one too," Angela said.  

"Oh my gosh! Can I start at the top?" Wanda asked, eyeing the large container.  She cautiously opened the lid to reveal a diverse selection of foods from fried octopus dumplings to ramen.  As she lifted out the last layer, she saw a strange sight.  "Is this food?  Eek!  It moved."

Geoffrey sat up and peeked out of the box.  "He's my friend," Angela said with a smile.  

Acasja laughed in delight as the three of them carried on.  Then her eyes were caught by something she saw out the window.  Tommy Applebaum walked in front of the dorm, accompanied by several female midshipmen.  She lowered her head and sighed, look at him prancing around with a gaggle of girls. Despite her disgust, she found herself forced to watch until he was out of sight.

She was brought back to reality by Wanda tugging on her sleeve.  "Acasja.  She's more than a bit weird.  She talks to the monkey.  She plays cards with the monkey.  She only communicates with animals.  I like you, Acasja, but I hate her.  She's so weird she might as well be an alien." Wanda marched to the door and held it open.

"Wanda!" Acasja protested uselessly.  She was forced to take Angela and Geoffrey and leave.

"I'm sorry," Angela said once they were outside, "after you arranged all of that with Wanda."

"No," Acasja replied and rubbed her temples to prevent the headache that was coming on.  "I'm sorry too, that Wanda said such awful things.  I must have made you feel even worse."  Angela and the marmoset were playing some game that only the two of them seemed to know the rules for. She doesn't seem to mind, Acasja thought, despairing, not at all.

Horrible nightmares filled Acasja's sleep that night.  The scene in the greenhouse with Tommy kept replaying itself.  "The consort has no soul.  Her heart belongs to no one.  She enjoys it."  Then he kissed her. Again and again until she couldn't stand it and threw back the covers and flung herself upright.  A dream?  Why did I have such a dream? She rubbed her eyes and, knowing she wouldn't get back to sleep, went to get a glass of water.  She heard the marmoset whiimpering and went to check on Angela.  Her bed was empty save for the marmoset shivering with cold on top of the coverlet.

She tried to stay up to wait for her, but sleep finally overtook her.  When she got up in the morning, Angela was already dressed and up.  "Good morning, Lady Acasja.  You're up early today.  Usually you're twenty minutes later than this."

Acasja rubbed at the back of her head thoughtfully.  "Where were you last night?  You didn’t come back until after dawn."

Angela kept her head down and didn't look at Acasja.  "No.  No -- I didn't go anywhere.“

"Geoffrey's crying woke me up, and I looked and you weren't there."

"It must have been a dream."  Angela looked up at her and smiled.  Acasja could only react in confusion.  She dropped the subject; Angela wasn't going to answer her.  The day passed as if nothing had happened.

"The consort's heart belongs to no one," she heard Tommy Applebaum say and jerked upright, suddenly awake in her bed in the middle of the night and covered in perspiration.  She hurriedly got out of bed and looked in Angela's room.  The girl was gone.  She ran to the window and saw her roommate, in uniform, running down the sidewalk.  Acasja grabbed a robe and threw it over her pyjamas as she ran in pursuit.  

She got a brief glimpse of Angela's excited face.  The girl was heading for the commandant's residence.  Despite the lateness of the hour, Angela walked up to the front door and opened it.  Acasja hurried after her and entered by the same door.  She was faced by a myriad of choices.  Doors, halls, and stairs made her pause in confusion.  The first one she tried was locked.

Then she heard the swish of fabric from up one set of stairs.  The sounds led her all the way to the top story. The door at the top of the stairs was open.  She entered and found herself in a planetarium.  Behind the telescope was an overstuffed chair and Angela's hand was lazily draped over one arm.  Acasja began to walk toward the chair.

Just as she realized it was someone else, the person in the chair noticed her presence and said, "Come here."  His hand reached out, grabbed her arm, and pulled her on top of him in the chair.  She landed in his lap with a thump.

"What are you doing?" she cried out, resisting the strong grip.

"What? Who?" he said and leaned over her so he could see her.  In the dark, Acasja could tell he was older and had dark hair.  

Angela entered from a doorway on the other side of the chair. "Lady Acasja, what are you doing with my brother?"  He released her and she stood up quickly and straightened her robe that had come untied.

He led the two girls down the stairs and into a study.  "Yes, I'm Angela’s brother, Iblis Acton.  And I’m the acting commandant.”  Behind him on the mantle was a picture of Iblis and Angela.  In it, he had a hand on her shoulder.  

"You're Angela's brother and the commandant?"  Under the brighter light of the study, Acasja couldn't quite believe it.  She had expected an admiral to be commandant.  "But you seem like you're so young."

He laughed.  "I'm not the true commandant.  I act on his behalf."

Acasja was having trouble believing it.  "But why is your last name different from Angela’s?"

It was Angela who answered.  "He has a new family.  My brother is going to marry Commandant Acton’s granddaughter soon and is taking their last name out of respect."

Angela went to his side and together they seemed to press in on Acasja.  "I’ve heard all about you,” he said. “Angela says you're her best and only friend and that you always protect her from the bigger boys and girls at the academy who bully her."  Acasja looked at Angela in surprise. Best friend? I never knew Angela thought of me that way.

He put his hand on Angela's head.  "You should make more friends like Acasja, okay?  Do it for me, please." His hand moved down to caress his sister's cheek.  

"I will, thank you."  She looked happy at his touch, but he withdrew and sat down in one of the chairs.  She followed and reached out in turn to touch his cheek.  Angela's very lucky that she has him.

 "You should go home now, with Acasja.”

"Okay."  They both stood and together lead Acasja back to the front door.

"Acasja, you should come back and visit again, just to tell me how Angela's doing."

"I'd like that," she readily agreed.

He picked up a small box.  "How is Geoffrey?  Take some cake for him.” He touched her hand again as he gave her the box and Acasja was struck by the aroma of rose attar from him.  Her eyes widened for just a moment.  He's kind and graceful.  What a wonderful brother.  He followed them to the street, waving.  Acasja looked back to return the gesture.  The moon framed his head like a halo.

"Lady Acasja," Angela said quietly.  "Thank you for not saying anything to my brother."

"About what?"

"You know.  About being the consort, the duels.  I don't want to bother him about that.  I don't want him to know."

"So now I know," Acasja said, relieved.  "You don't like being the consort, all this crazy stuff.  That's why you didn't want him to find out, right?"

Angela appeared to be momentarily confused.  "What?  Oh, I see, Lady Acasja.  That's right.”  Acasja smiled happily at her.  “Oh, here we are."  She hurried into Cochrane Hall and up the stairs to their room.  "Geoffrey, we're home and we brought presents."

As the marmoset gorged itself on the cake, Angela said, "From now on, Lady Acasja, I think I want to try harder to make new friends.  Maybe you could work with me on it."

Acasja beamed with joy.  "You bet!" Angela's really a normal girl.  People will soon understand.

The next afternoon, the two found the girls of Acasja's fan club.  "Hi," Acasja greeted them.  "Is it okay if Angela joins you guys?"

One of them moved to the side and offered the two girls a seat on the lawn beside her.  "If she's with you, sure."

"Nice to meet you all," Angela said as she sat.

One face, Acasja noted, wasn't happy to see her.  "Oh, Wanda," Acasja said crossly.  

She watched happily, stretched out o her side, as Angela joined the girls and the group of them fawned over Geoffrey.  "Look, Geoffrey has such cute, chubby cheeks."  "Here, eat this too."  Good, she seems to be doing fine.

"A-ca-sja!" Wanda yelled in her ear and then lowered her face heavily on Acasja's shoulder.

"Wanda, you're so heavy."  As usual.  She realized Wanda was crying.

"Acasja. Who do you like, Angela or me?"

She rolled over to look at her friend. "Wanda, what are you talking about?"

"Don't you see?" Wanda grabbed Acasja's arm and wrapped hers around it.  "You're always with Angie these days.  I don't like it.  I belong to you."

Acasja reached out and touched the girl's wet cheek.  "Wanda, you're my dearest friend.  C'mon, don't cry."

"Then what about Angela?"

"How to put it," she said thoughtfully. She could remember dancing with the marmoset as Angela looked on and then they traded places.  "The princess is kind of like family.  When I'm with her, and Geoffrey, I feel at peace, like I don't have to say or do anything."

"Humph," Wanda replied crossly.  "Isn't that the sort of thing that married people would say?"  She jerked away from Acasja and started sobbing heavily into her hands.

"Wanda!"

"That's even worse, Acasja.  That means Angela Oteri is your wife." Well, she is my consort, but I can't tell her that.

"If that's how you want it, fine!" Wanda looked up at her and started yelling at Acasja.  "I'll be the mistress.  And I'll just fight the legal wife over you!"  She grabbed Acasja and buried her face between her breasts.

"Wanda!"

Everyone else suddenly turned and looked at them.  "What are they up to?"

In the Kendo team storage room, Captain Thomas Applebaum knelt on the floor and lifted a katana from its stand.  "So," said a voice from behind him, "are you finally going to duel with Acasja Tilfe?"

"Kevin!"

"Can you beat her with that arm?  It was quite a vicious injury."

Tommy waved his hand dismissively.  "There isn't even a scar left.  You know the time is ripe.  Everything stands ready.  I will win against Acasja Tilfe.  I will get the consort and the power of Aion.  I will change the universe."  He strode confidently out of the hall.

"Poor Angie," Kevin muttered to himself, but did not follow.

Angela and Acasja walked together back to their suite.  "Did you have fun chatting and playing with all your new friends?" Acasja asked.  Angela stopped and looked thoughtful.  "Angela?"  The girl looked up and grinned and began racing towards Acasja.  Imitating Wanda, she leaped on her back.  "Uh, Angela?" Acasja groaned.

"I overheard what you were talking about.  Wanda is always doing this with you so I thought this is what best friends do."

Acasja put her hands under Angela's legs to hold her better.  You're too heavy.  "Well, you shouldn't do what she does.  Wanda's a bit weird, you know."

Angela pressed her face against the back of Acasja's head.  "I wanted to try it, even if it's weird."  She sighed behind Acasja.  "So this is what being friends feels like.  It's nice. I hope you'll always be my friend."

Angela never fear, I'll protect your happiness.  After a bit, Angela slid off of her back and they chatted gaily as they walked.  They were forced to stop and look up when someone blocked their path.  Acasja's happy expression immediately went black.  Tommy Applebaum, not a trace of friendship in his demeanour, stood in front of them.

"Tilfe Acasja," he said, using her name properly, "I challenge you to a duel.  Meet me at the stone field. See you."  He turned to walk away.

this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #102 on: December 09, 2007, 01:59:41 am »
(ctd yet agaiin)

"Wait!" Acasja called after him.  "I won't accept the challenge.  I refuse."

He looked back at her and sneered.  "You must duel.  That is the law of the Starship Seal Society."

"Why do we have to duel, you and I?" she yelled at him.  "If you are who you say, if you are my captain, then I don't want to fight you.  Besides, I'm tired of how everyone treats Angela.  She doesn't like it either, being passed around from winner to winner with no regard for what she wants.  I won't send Angela or Geoffrey anywhere.  I'll protect them."  She thumped her chest forcefully.  “It’s the laws of the Starship Seal Society that are wrong!”

He walked slowly up to her, his own expression softening to one of concern.  He put his arms around her in a strong embrace.  "Stop it Acasja," he whispered.  "Stop playing Prince Charming."

"Tommy?" she breathed, confused.

"You don’t need to protect her like she’s a princess.  The one I really pity is you," he said gently, "you who needs Angela Oteri so desperately but doesn't know why."

"Pity?  Me?" She pushed him away and he released her.  "But I don't need the princess at all.  Why do you say that?"

He gripped her shoulders and looked intently down at her.  "I don't want to fight you either, but fate is fate, and your fate is to fight your Prince Charming.  You can't avoid the battle.  None of us can.  For the answers we seek; the answers to everything, can only be found when the last duel is finished."  He released her and walked away. 

Surrounded by emotional darkness, Acasja let him and said nothing.  My fate is to fight my prince, my captain? I... I...

"Lady Acasja, please, please fight for me."  Angela came up quietly and stood beside her.  This time it was her head that was level and Acasja who stared at the ground in silence.  "No one can defy the laws of the Starship Seal.   I'll be fine.  I will.  I know that you will win.  I... I trust you."

Acasja's life felt like it had been spiralling toward that moment.  She looked up and into Angela's beautiful green eyes.  There was love for her in them.  "Then I'll fight," she said with determination.

She stood on the field of blocks, the sword Infinite in hand.  Tommy faced her, armed with his katana.  He withdrew the blade from its sheath and they began.  The duels must happen.  She heard that again.  Thoughts related to the event begin to crowd into her head.  If I must fight, I fight to win, Tommy Applebaum, and if the answers we seek are at the end of the duels, then I have to win to find out why we have to fight like this.  I have to win; I have to defeat you even if you are my Prince Charming, my Captain, my Hero.

Suddenly rose petals filled the air and the sword tore itself from her hands.  I lost?  I... Angela!

"Are you hurt, Lord Thomas?" Angela was asking.  She was holding his left hand in hers.

"Angela!" Acasja called out in vain.

Tommy, Captain Applebaum, turned toward her.  There was an air of haughtiness he hadn't used with her before.  "Always waiting for your Prince Charming.  You lost to your own feelings, Acasja.  In the end, it was our captain, our prince, that was your week point.  I guessed I could exploit that so I took advantage of your heart.  I'm not your Prince Charming."

She looked at him in horror.  "Not my prince?  It was a lie?"

He smirked.  "You are now freed from the duels and the laws you hated so much.  I will obtain Princess Oteri and the power of the sword Infinite in your stead.  Go back to being a normal student like you wanted."  The words beat down on her until Acasja couldn't look at him anymore. 

"Are you ready?" he asked Angela.

She put her hand inside his arm so that he could escort her away. "Yes."

"Wait, please,” Acasja gathered up her nerve.  "Just leave Angela with me.  Don't you care?  Don't you feel sorry for the way she's treated?"

He seemed genuinely surprised.  "After all this you still don't know?  I'm surprised you've stayed so blind."

"Blind?  Blind to what?"

"Midshipman Oteri?" he said in answer to her question.

"Yes?"

"Let me ask, do you not like being the consort and betrothed to the winner?" he asked Angela.

"What?" she said softly.

“You’re happy belonging to the victor of the duels, happy being the consort, right?”

 Acasja cllasped her hands in fear.  "Angela, tell him the truth."

The girl looked at Acasja.  Her face was an empty smile.  "Yes, I'm happy that I can be the consort.  Yes I am.  I'm happy this way."

Acasja wanted to take her hand but couldn’t.  She raised her hand to her face.  "Angela."  Tears came flooding down her face. 

"Now do you finally understand?"  Tommy didn't stop pouring blows on her.  "Angela isn't a normal girl.  This is who the consort must be.  She just says whatever makes you happy when she's your betrothed.  Do you see?"

When she didn't answer, he took the red rose from his breast and put it in her hands.  "I like you.  Please know that."  He went back to Angela then and the pair began to leave the stone duelling field.  Tommy glanced back at her one final time, but Acasja couldn’t take her eyes off Angela as the girl walked away on his arm.

She sat in silence the next morning as Angela packed her belongings.  "Have a nice day Midshipman Tilfe.  It was a short while, but thanks for everything.”  She would have given anything to hear the words 'Lady Acasja' at that moment. Angela picked up her bag and lifted the marmoset onto her shoulder.  The creature looked back at Acasja and began to struggle and protest.  Angela gripped it more tightly and walked out the door.  It slammed shut.

Acasja began crying again.  I don't care about anything else anymore!  She slumped, unmoving, in her chair.
this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #103 on: December 09, 2007, 08:11:27 pm »
Ah...such absolute oddness...

I continue to enjoy!

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #104 on: December 10, 2007, 01:24:22 pm »
G. Ronjar: glad you like it.   

Since I finished it, I'll go to posting Tuesday and Friday, so the next part will be out sometime today.
I have a couple of style questions for everyone.

1. Acasja's thoughts: Instead of writing 'My fate is to fight...', she thought; I've been writing My fate is to fight... has been the way I'm doing it.  It's different for me.  I don't think it interrupts as much.  What do you think?
2. The relationship between Angela and Iblis.  Is that okay or too blatant or anything?
this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #105 on: December 10, 2007, 01:31:31 pm »
1. Acasja's thoughts: Instead of writing 'My fate is to fight...', she thought; I've been writing My fate is to fight... has been the way I'm doing it.  It's different for me.  I don't think it interrupts as much.  What do you think?

Use that method myself and prefer reading it as well.  As you said, it doesn't break things up as much.

I also use italics to denote when someone is speaking but not actually present, such as over a radio.  Not sure where I picked that up, but I like it too.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline kadh2000

  • Admiral, of course
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 356
  • Gender: Male
    • Kadh's Empire
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #106 on: December 10, 2007, 04:07:42 pm »
1. I like it.  I should probably do it that way.  La'ra's additional idea is a good one too.  I might still put that part in quotes. 

2. Incest I take it.  Nope, not blatant.  Necessary and appropriate?  I don't know and won't know until we see later.

This part: ooh, Acasja the invincible lost.  Nice.  This really is following the classic story outline.  I take it that the BBEG is Iblis.  Did you take his name from Battlestar Gallactica or Arabia?
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Czar Mohab

  • Faith manages.
  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 564
  • Gender: Male
  • Chewie - Go jiggle the handle!
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #107 on: December 10, 2007, 05:51:05 pm »
That caught me off guard. As in, I was in Lady A's shoes, pondering things, then *swiff-cut-flutter* where the heck did that come from? Seriously, I was half expecting more on the duel, as had happened in the past; however, this showed the reader that Acasja really was distracted. I kind of had a feeling Captain A-hole would win, but still didn't see it coming.

As to Angela/Iblis... If I read that entire part right, and if I've been keeping track of the story right, then... well, I'll let that part play out a little bit more to see for sure, but it looks like we'll be seeing a slight bit more of Ibby.

Personally, I like to do something, italics, 'quotes', or whatever, to signify a.) thoughts, b.) someone talking but not in the same room, and/or c.) something else that is important. I prefer italics in those situations, but in many of my older works, I did use 'quotes'. I find no difficulty in deciphering thoughts, off screen talk, ship names, et al that are not otherwise annotated. I do it for the reader, such that it is clearer for him/her. Guess I'm just trying to say, "do it how you want".

I also enjoyed your piece with the chili. If any of that could be included into the main story, it would have to be Geoffrey's intuition and intelligence. Perhaps something that most might take for granted, but you have portrayed well throughout (especially in the interlude, giving us a glimpse inside his furry noodle).

Czar "Excellent, as always," Mohab
US Navy Veteran - Proud to Serve
Submariners Do It Underwater - Nukes Do It Back Aft - Pride Runs Deep
Have you thanked a Vet lately?

Subaru Owners Do It Horizontally Opposed!
Proud Owner - '08 WRX - '03 Baja - '98 Legacy

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #108 on: December 10, 2007, 07:01:36 pm »
I prefer italics myself to the 'he thought' method. I have gotten into the habit of throwing in the 'he thought' thing, however, to cut down on the time it takes me to post my stories here, as I still am not about to chase through all my crap to change it over INTO italic. Which makes for some redundancy in my home-copy, which has both italics AND she/he thought after it.

I also like the use of italic for intercom/radio, but have gotten out of the habit of using it.  :( I must amend this.

The duel went quite the way I would have written it, but I cannot say it was the way I EXPECTED it. I never expect folk to think like me. It's probably better they don't. But you managed to fool me, and that's + Karma right there! Bravo.

Keep on keeping on!

--thu guv!!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #109 on: December 11, 2007, 11:13:31 pm »
CHAPTER 9:  REFINED

The gates of the academic buildings were open and small clusters of midshipmen walked toward them for morning classes.  Four male midshipmen were the first to notice.  "Huh?  Look."  "What a sec.  Is that… is that Acasja Tilfe?"

Five girls nearby turned to look.  One gasped in horror and the other raised her balled hands to her mouth.  "Ohmigod!  I can't believe my eyes.  Why is our Acasja dressed like that?"

Ignoring the buzz, her expression set and her school supplies slung over her shoulder, Acasja walked to class.  Her uniform was a silver mini-dress like the other female midshipmen were wearing.  Black boots crawled up her long bare legs.  She couldn't ignore Wanda; the girl stopped right in front of her.  "A-Acasja?  What's going on?  Why are you wearing your dress?"

Acasja stepped around her without stopping.  "That's what girls wear to class."

"But not you," Wanda whined and chased after her.  "Your normal outfit is the boys' uniform."

"It got ripped.  Is that okay with you?"  Acasja didn't look back, and Wanda ran after her, calling out her name.

Her change of attire made an impression on her instructors as well.  Gathered in the faculty lounge a week later, the main topic of conversation was the abrupt change in Midshipman Fourth Class Tilfe.  "It's a miracle.  Tilfe Acasja is finally a normal female student."  "Such a nice change.  Her grades are back up as well."  "The girls who had totally idolized her idiosyncrasies are shocked, of course." "The boys don't seem to mind a bit."

"She sat down!" "She turned around!"  "Such bold and perfect postures!"  "Acasja's a babe!"  "She's so hot!"

Tommy Applebaum sat, arms crossed in front of him as he relaxed.  Angela poured his tea and bowed.  "The entire school is in an uproar over Acasja's new look," Julie Tyler said, looking out the window.  She turned on him.  "You hit on her, so it's your fault. I hope you're proud of yourself Thomas Applebaum."

Mickey joined her in making accusations.  "All's fair in love and war, but such outright manipulation just to lower her defences.  You did all that just so you could win, Captain?  It must have been such a shock for her when she found out it was all lies."

He closed his eyes and sighed.  "In any true duel both winners and losers get hurt in the end."

A Midshipman First Class stood at the doorway to the officers' lounge for a moment before entering.  "You must feel so good about yourself Tommy, having won the consort.... at any price."

"Kevin," he hissed.

"Don't you care at all?" Mickey banged his fists on the table.  "That you hurt people's feelings, that you hurt Acasja?"  

"Mickey, calm down.  This is our regular Starship Seal Society tea.  It's not the place for this."  Tommy's eyes were cast down and he did not look at the others.

"I know," Mickey said, looking away and trying to relax.  "But I feel sorry, sorry for Acasja."

Julie stirred her tea so violently that it slopped over the edge of the saucer and onto the table.  "I agree.  You disgust me, Tommy."

He looked away from her.  "Princess, pour some tea for Midshipman Simon."

"Of course, Lord Thomas."

"First it's 'Lord Kevin', then 'Lady Acasja', and now... now it's 'Lord Thomas', eh Angela?" Kevin said bitterly.

Without appearing to notice, she said "Please have a seat, Midshipman Simon, so I can pour the tea."

"You have no shame do you?" he said and smacked her hard, sending the tea flying and knocking her back onto the table.

Tommy rested his face on the palm of his hand and his elbow on the table.  He sounded bored as he spoke, “Kevin, she's my betrothed.  Don't hit her."

"Then it’s over!" Kevin said.  "We're done as friends, Tommy."  He stalked back through the doorway and slammed the doors heavily behind him.  Angela sat amid the pile of teacups and saucers on the ground and watched him go with a sad moue on her face.  

Wanda sat beside Acasja on a bench in a long, columned, corridor.  A male Midshipman approached them.  "Say, you want to chat a little, Miss Tilfe?"

Wanda took charge and chased him off.  "Shoo!  Go away.  Acasja isn't feeling well right now."

In her zealous defence of Acasja, she left an opening for another midshipman to approach Acasja.  He dropped to one knee in front of her and handed her an envelope.  "Acasja, um, could you read my letter?  Please."  Too late, Wanda chased him away and he kicked his heels together happily as he danced off.  “Yea!  I did it.”

Acasja opened the envelope and took out its contents.  The crisp paper unfolded neatly.  "It's a love letter."

"Eek.  Acasja, throw it away!"

"Maybe it's not so bad Wanda.  Maybe I'll try going on a date with someone."  Her tone was as flat as Angela's.

"You'll what?" Wanda asked in surprise.

Acasja didn't sound excited as she replied, "That's what makes normal girls happy, right?"

"But not you," Wanda protested.  "Acasja, you've never wanted to be protected, a princess.  You wanted to be the prince."

Acasja took a sip of water.  "Yes, but I don't care anymore."  She sat the cup on the floor and laid her head flat on the low wall behind the bench.  "Just let me be," she
said tiredly.  "Don't waste your time, all right?  Not on me."

"Oh poor Acasja."  Wanda stared at her friend in complete helplessness.

I can't stand another moment, please... let me go.

"I had no idea," said a voice that startled her eyes into opening, "that you'd fall into such self-pity."  Kevin Simon's face was at her level, looking at her from an odd angle.  "That's not the Acasja Tilfe I know."

She pushed herself weakly up to a sitting position.  "Kevin?"

"Perhaps now you know just how I felt when you took Angie away from me."  His strangely intense face was only inches away from hers.  "I hope it hurts."

She lowered her head so that her hair fell over her eyes and she didn't have to look at him.  "Yeah... now I know... how it must’ve felt."

He tried to read her but she turned away.  His breath puffed out forcefully and she could see his boots turn away from her.  "The Starship Seal.  I fear it's ruining us all.  The Society has clearly fallen apart.  A complete shambles.  Tommy is just barely within the rules.... the last of us to try and grasp the prize."  

Acasja looked up at him and just barely did not burst into tears again.  Someone else stood behind him. "Captain Applebaum."

"Hi," he smiled at her and came over to the two of them.  "Acasja and Kevin.  So you're here with her too."  They both looked at him, questioningly.  "May I sit?" he asked her.  She slid over.  "No wonder the whole academy is talking about it.  Just like I thought, you look good in that uniform."  She did not look at him. "It was easy, you know?  Putting all that effort in to win.  It's not like I hated it, not in the least."  He reached out to cup her chin and lifted it up so that he could look at her.  "You and I.  What do you say? Let's go on a date this Sunday.  Just the two of us."

It was something that finally made her react.  Acasja was stunned.  A date? Might not be so bad... a date with Tommy Applebaum.  It was then that she heard the marmoset chattering.  She looked up to see Angela staring at her, Geoffrey perched on her shoulder.  "What about Geoffrey and Angela?"

"The princess?" he asked, almost in surprise.  "Don't you mind her.  Sure she's always with me, but she's merely a tool to obtain the power of Aion.  That's the key, you see.  Don't open your heart to the consort.  You're the one, the one who matters.  I'm more interested in you."  Behind him Angela bowed her head and Acasja could no longer see her face.

"Hey!  Cut it out!"  Wanda was shaking with rage.  "What do you think you're doing hanging all over her?  Don't you dare touch my Acasja!"  He snickered and she growled.  

"Well," he asked Acasja softly, ignoring Wanda, "Will you go out with me?"

"Why, why let him say those things, Acasja?" Wanda was practically screaming.

"Let's go for it," Tommy insisted.

"Stop it right now!"  Wanda picked up the forgotten glass of water and aimed its contents at Acasja.  Tommy reacted quickly, pulling Acasja down and the flying liquid splashed into  Angela's face.  

The marmoset jumped down onto the wall.  Angela was too stunned to move.  "Oops, Oh…" Wanda began, but then changed her mind.  "This is all your fault you know?  Always standing around spaced out, like a zombie."

Acasja couldn’t help but defend Angela.  She tossed her a square of cloth.  "Here, dry yourself off."  She stood up and faced Wanda angrily.  "Don't you mean ‘I'm sorry'?  Well, don't you?"

Wanda glared at her, shaking with rage.  Then she brought her hand across Acasja's face as hard as she could.  "Acasja, I hate you! The way you are now, it isn't you. Not at all!  I want you back!  I want you the way you were."

The way I was?  Acasja couldn't think anymore, couldn't hold her head up.  Wanda ran away from her.  Acasja felt drunk.  She began to walk, where she wasn't sure.  If anyone said anything to her she didn't hear or notice.  Stars seemed to be circling her head.  

She found herself on the stairs to her suite.  There was a package, wrapped in white paper with a large red bow, waiting on the doorstep.  The stars turned to roses.  She took the box into her suite and opened it.  It was a new uniform... the male uniform, except the shirt was gold.  But from whom?  And why?  Not the first time for such a gift.  Tommy once sent me a dress, but…  Then she saw the card with the Enterprise seal on it. Could this be from my captain? She flipped it over.  
        
          Don't ever forget your strength:  your noble heart.


She lifted it up to breathe in the aroma of sutena that was on it.  The Captain who called me here, he does exist!  He's close by, watching over me even now!  And he wants me to keep trying my best!

Hearing a sound, she turned and saw Wanda standing in the doorway.  "Acasja.  I… I wanted… um, about what happened… I wanted to apologize to you, to you and Angela.  Acasja?"  Acasja leaned over her, laid her hands on Wanda's shoulders, and kissed her.  “A-Acasja?”

"I'm sorry too, Wanda.  I want to get back somehow to the way I was."  She left the girl sitting, stunned, in the study and went back to the bedroom to change into her new uniform.  Wanda was still there when she came back in; sitting in exactly the same position Acasja that had left her.   When she saw what Acasja was wearing, her fists hugged her cheeks and she grinned ridiculously.  Acasja nodded and strode out into the hall.

Angela sat on her bed, squeezing and relaxing her hand around the piece of cloth Acasja had given her to dry her face off with.  Acasja, who still defended her when she had lost her.  Don’t you mean ‘I’m sorry.’  Here, dry yourself off.  Something wet touched her hand. Wha… What’s this? Angela realized she was crying for the first time in years.  A shadow fell across the floor.  She looked up and her heart leapt.  Acasja, looking right again, stood before her.  Geoffrey chattered happily.  "Is Captain Applebaum in?"

"Oh, yes he is," Angela replied and tried to hide her excitement.

"Well, well.  A new look," said Thomas Applebaum, standing in the doorway, arms akimbo.  "Where did you get it?"

It wasn't Tommy.  I knew it.  The uniform is from my Prince Charming. "Thomas Applebaum, I challenge you to a duel!”

His eyes widened.  "Midshipman Tilfe?"

"I want to win the duel," she explained.  "I need to get both Angela and my pride back.  I miss them so much.  It's like I'm empty inside.  I want to know what the consort really is and why we have to duel.  If all the answers are in that castle in the sky, then that's where I need to go.  For myself!"

He studied her carefully.  "Alright then, I accept.  But, if we're to have a rematch, then let's put something truly important at stake."

"Okay," Acasja agreed.  She had a condition ready.  "Then if I win, I want you to resign as President of the Society."

It surprised him, but he laughed it off.  "Fine, but if I win… I want you.  You'll do whatever I say from that moment onward."

She remembered him holding her, what he wanted her for: belong to him, be his woman.  She dispelled the image.  "Then it's a deal.  Let's do this for real. Once and for all."

"I'll win again, you know."

Angela was looking at her doubtfully.  "I won't lose," she answered him. For my own sake.

Under the high arched dome of the gym, Julie Tyler and Mickey Zoppi practiced their fencing techniques on one another.  "A rematch between Tommy and Acasja?" she asked him.

He removed his mask to answer her.  "Yeah, after classes today.  And get this. If he loses, he'll resign as President.  If she is defeated, she'll be his girlfriend and do what he says."

She barked at him, "That's sick!  You know that, right?"  He backed away from her angry glare.

"That Tommy," snorted Kevin, coming over to join them.  "He criticizes me for breaking the rules and then he comes up with this crazy challenge.  How dare he?"

"How could he?" Julie asked in bewilderment.

"Acasja." Mickey said simply.

The subject of their conversation went determinedly through her afternoon classes.  Her fan club rejoiced to see her.  “Cool”.  “Acasja!”  “I’m glad she’s back to normal.”  

Angela confronted her in the hall.  "Why?  Why do this Acasja?"  Her voice was full of concern and other, stronger, emotions.  "You didn't win against Lord Thomas before."

Acasja gave her an enigmatic smile.  "I know, but I'll just give it another try, you know?"  She walked away from Angela.  Geoffrey turned around on his mistress's shoulder to watch her go.  Angela watched her retreating back, a confused frown on her face.

Tommy Applebaum stood on a balcony overlooking the Cathedral.  He looked at the seal on his ring, a part of the emblem over the front facade of the building.  "Captain," a voice startled him out of his reverie and he looked up to see Acasja.  "I'll see you at the dueller's field."

"All right Midshipman."  He clenched his fist and glared icily at her departing back.  "I won't hold back this time either."  She stopped to listen.  "I'm sorry about that, but I don't think I'm ever going to lose.  Not to you.  I desire the power of Aion far more than you do."

"Why do you want it so much?  'The power to change the universe'.  I've never understood it.”

He looked down at the students below and motioned for her to join him.  "Oh that's easy, Midshipman.  Have you ever felt that you were an outsider? That this place we look down upon… it’s like another world far away from the real one?  Our true world exists someplace else.  We all want to get that world back so we can finally return to our deepest selves."

She stood beside him and looked down.  "Return to our deepest self?"

"This world we inhabit," he said by way of an answer, "it's like an egg, a small world enclosed in a hard shell.  The chick will die, unborn, if it doesn't break through that shell: die without ever knowing it's a bird.  If we don't break the world's 'shell', we'll die without being born, without knowing we can fly.  And I want to fly.  That is why I will change the universe: so I can be myself."

She leaned over, supported her head with her arm, and glanced sideways at him.  I still don't really get it, but for such a cool guy he's all worked up over it... just like a kid.  Aloud she said, "You're rather cute today, Captain, hope you don't mind."

He rubbed his hand over his lips.  "Well, that's not the only reason why I fight, of course."  He took her hand.  "I'm also fighting awful hard to make you mine."  He leaned ever closer to her.  "Don't forget..." closer, "that when I win this last duel..." she could feel his heart, "you will at last..."

She punched him in the jaw.  Give him an inch and he takes a mile!  "See you later at the dueller's field," she said and stalked off.

He grinned.  "Yes, when the bells signal it is time to begin, we shall fight!"
this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #110 on: December 11, 2007, 11:13:55 pm »
(ch 9 ctd.)

At the appointed time, Acasja stood on the stone field, a sword gripped in both hands.  It was a straight blade like the sword Infinite.  The others who had rings were all there; she knew Kevin, Mickey and Julie very well and wondered if she would eventually have to fight the others she did not know.  Tommy and Angela arrived last, together, and she put the distractions out of her mind.  "It's time.  Let's duel," she said.

Angela still gave her the white rose and him the red.  "Noble rose of the castle, the power of Aion that sleeps within me, answer to your master and show yourself now."  Again, somehow the sword appeared and Tommy took it in his right hand. 

He raised it skyward.  "The power to change the universe."  He cut the air with it casually.  "You know the sword Infinite is not just any sword, don't you?" he asked her.  "There are many special techniques at hand to the true master of both the sword and the consort." 

What is he…?

He lowered the tip until it pointed at Angela.  "Consort, hear and obey: give power to the sword Infinite."

"Yes lord," she replied and reached out for the blade and pulled it toward herself.  The others collectively gasped as it seemed to pierce her chest.

"There is no pain, right Angela?" Tommy said.  "Now take the sword out."

"Yes, Lord," she said through gritted teeth, and released the blade into his hand.  There was no sign of injury or stain on her or her dress.

He turned to face Acasja, holding the gleaming sword so they all could see it.  "See how it shines?  That light is the glory of Aion and the Consort.  A glowing fire beyond measure, to burn all in its path.  Now… do you really think you can still win against THIS sword Infinite, Midshipman?"  He brought the blade down from above and she parried. 

Twice more they clashed. Unable to see him clearly, Acasja moved to defend where the light was strongest.  It was so hot, so bright.  M-my sword... its melting.

"Hah!" he cried out triumphantly and her sword snapped near the hilt at his next stroke.  He reversed his angle and aimed at the rose on her breast.  Acasja covered it with her hand and let herself fall backwards.  He followed her down to the ground, lying on top of her.  "Such a fine move!  Even though your sword is broken, you still protect your rose.  I admire that, but you can let go now.  You don't stand a chance against such power.  Come on, loosen your hand and give me that rose.  You know as well as I do: I've won." 

She stared up at him.  Their bodies were locked in a tight, violent embrace.   His right hand with the sword in it was beside her and Acasja could feel the heat of it.  Her left hand covered the white rose over the Enterprise emblem on her new gold shirt while her right, with what remained of her own sword, pushed against the weight of him on top of her.  "N-NO!  I'll fight until the very end.  I won’t give up.  I told you I wouldn’t go easy, not even for you."

He pushed himself slightly up and lifted the sword Infinite off the ground.  She caught it with the guard of her own weapon and was forced to use both hands to fend the force of it off.  "Yield now and you won't get burned," he shouted at her.

“Ah, unh,” she strained to keep him away from her.

Angela chewed on a knuckle.  “What is she thinking?  Is she crazy?  She can’t hope to win now, so why?”

"Listen to me, Tilfe.  Don't make me hurt you this way."   The remnant of Acasja's blade began to hiss and drip.  The hot metal burned her chest. 

Acasja answered through gritted teeth.  "H-Hurt me?  Why should that matter?  My pride and protecting Angela, that's what's important to me.  Far more important than getting hurt.  Far more."

Angela’s eyes flew open wide and she dropped her hands to her sides. "The light.  It's gone out?"  Tommy sat up and looked at the blade that was now no more than a hunk of metal in his hand.  "But how?"

Acasja was released from the pressure.  Her small piece of a sword shone with light.  She used one hand to push herself off the ground and the other to sever the rose from his shirt.  He rolled away from her and the sword Infinite slipped from his grasp.  “How could this be? She won.”

I won? As the rose petals fell around her, Acasja let go of the shard of her own weapon and the sword Infinite settled into her hand.  Tommy sat a few feet away looking at the stones beneath him.  Acasja only had eyes for Angela, who ran up and knelt in front of her.  "Does this mean I really won?"

Angela's eyes were shining.  "Yes.  Yes it does."

"Angela," was all she could say.

A thunderous rumble above made her look up.  "What’s going on?" someone asked.  "Do you feel that?" She thought the voice was Mickey's.  "The castle - is it moving?"

"It's descending!"  Acasja shouted excitedly.  "It's coming down - closer and closer."  A human figure seemed to float down from it.  But who? A trick of the light?  As it came closer, it took a more distinct appearance.  Or is it my Captain.  The one I met long ago. So you were real, you were real all along.  Please let it be true.  Please tell me, tell me that I was right to come here.

"It’s Aion!  He came down from above." Tommy whispered in awe from behind her and got to his feet.

"You mean he is Aion?" Acasja asked.  Here eyes looked upward, passed the green uniform shirt he wore and settled on his face, his eyes. The eyes of her captain.  "You always protected me and now I know your name.  You are Aion and this is your sword."  She switched the blade in her hands so that the hilts were outward.  He smiled down at her, took the sword between his hands and began to float back upwards.  She felt pulled to her feet.  "And that’s where he lives, up in that castle in the sky.  One day I will go there, one day I will see him again."

Angela came to stand beside her, slipped her hand inside Acasja's.  Tommy walked around her until he was facing Acasja.  He dropped to his knees before her.  "Sir?  What are you doing?"

"Acasja, I will resign my position as Society President.  I am bound by my oath."

The others crowded around them.  "Tommy?"  "You mean it?"  "But if you... what's going to happen to the Starship Seal Society?"

"Um, you know we could just forget about that promise," Acasja said in a tiny voice.

"No!” he said emphatically.  “From now on I have decided to follow Acasja.  That is the surest way to reach the power of Aion.  Grant my humble request and make me your servant."

Make you my...?   Her mind filled with haze.  She couldn't think.  "Angela, take me home."

"Yes, Lady Acasja."

___

Chapters 8 & 9 were originally one chapter.  It was too long, so I split them up.  Some truth finally comes out in this one.  If I was to split the story in half, this is the end of the fist part.  Time to start revealing things instead of just adding complications.  Originally there were two more duels before I got to this point.  I took them out as they didn't really develop the characters or further the story.  I'll post them at some point or maybe include them as 'bonus material' or perhaps the 'extended version' in the pdf.

C. Mohab: the marmoset thing was fun to do. 
G. Ronjar: I had originally included lines from the combat in between her thoughts.  This makes it  more of a surprise and more of a distraction.
Everyone: thank you for reading and reviewing.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2007, 11:24:12 pm by Andromeda »
this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Commander La'ra

  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 2435
  • Gender: Male
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #111 on: December 12, 2007, 01:36:18 pm »
Looks like I got a decent sized chunk to catch up on.  Damned Christmas shopping...
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline kadh2000

  • Admiral, of course
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 356
  • Gender: Male
    • Kadh's Empire
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #112 on: December 12, 2007, 01:44:50 pm »
Okay, the dialog is tight.  You could probably write a paragraph of dialog without names attached and I could guess who said it.  Acasja seems to be the only one who regularly uses contractions, Kevin says Angie, Wanda is loud, etc...

I've only made this remark to one other story posted on the forums, and that was Scott Bennie's Final Twilight.  This is publishable.  Take out the ST references and you could put it out.  Not saying that there isn't some editing to do, but man, it's good.
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Hstaphath_XC

  • The Official Bard of XenoCorp
  • XenoCorp® Member
  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 507
  • Gender: Male
  • Captain, XC Hydran Squadron
    • The XC Bard's Corner
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #113 on: December 13, 2007, 11:05:41 am »
I've only made this remark to one other story posted on the forums, and that was Scott Bennie's Final Twilight.  This is publishable.  Take out the ST references and you could put it out.  Not saying that there isn't some editing to do, but man, it's good.

Ouch!  Even though this dashes my hopes of getting my own parody works published (now that the ugly truth has been revealed that I have never actually received the Kadh stamp of publishable approval), I am in complete agreement with him in regards to your work... this is really damn good!  I would also point out that this isn't the sort of story I normally go for, so that should say something in itself.
Hilaritas sapientiae et bonae vitae proles.

Offline KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.

  • Spokesman, Punisher Industries
  • Lt. Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 1861
  • Gender: Male
  • K-Fo, diehard SFCer and Taldrenite, est. 2000
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #114 on: December 13, 2007, 04:53:42 pm »
I've only made this remark to one other story posted on the forums, and that was Scott Bennie's Final Twilight.

Speaking of which, Kadh, do you(or anyone else for that matter) have a copy of that story to send me? He had sent me one after he finished the story, but it got lost a couple of hard drive reformats ago...
"One minute to space doors."

"Are you just going to walk through them?"

"Calm yourself, Doctor."

Offline Hstaphath_XC

  • The Official Bard of XenoCorp
  • XenoCorp® Member
  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 507
  • Gender: Male
  • Captain, XC Hydran Squadron
    • The XC Bard's Corner
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #115 on: December 14, 2007, 02:59:43 pm »
Speaking of which, Kadh, do you(or anyone else for that matter) have a copy of that story to send me? He had sent me one after he finished the story, but it got lost a couple of hard drive reformats ago...


Hey K-Fo, I still have the nice pdf version Scott sent me back in 2003.  I put it up on the XC Bard's corner for you (and anyone else reading this that would like it) at:
http://www.xenocorp.net/H_bardCorner/pdf/FinalTwilight.pdf

Cheers, Hsta

P.S.  No comment from you yet about your role in Scene 9 of MP:Hobbit?!   :(
Hilaritas sapientiae et bonae vitae proles.

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #116 on: December 14, 2007, 11:58:45 pm »
I haven't been on for a while.  I try not to look too soon after I post something.  I'm afraid there won't be any comments, or the comments will all be negative, or I've given away too much too soon, and so on. 

C. Mohab, I hope you're enjoying figuring out the names and relationships.  Kadh, same to you as with the Czar. Thanks for the very high compliment.  I have no desire to have anything published though.   The pdf is as close as I want to get.

Here's chapter 10 in which the villain leaves no doubt as to his identity. 

Chapter 10: Last Judgment

Inside the ivy covered walls of Cochrane Hall, Tilfe Acasja enjoyed the first completely relaxed sleep she could remember having.  Until Angela woke her up with a cheerful and loud hello.  "Oh there you are.  Good morning to you, Lady Acasja.  So, um, about our new hallmate..."

"Huh?"  Acasja was only slowly becoming awake and her mind was befogged.  Yes, that's right, President Applebaum.  He’s here too.

Fortunately it wasn't until she was dressed and ready to leave the suite that Acasja saw him.  He was standing in the doorway to his own room, clad only in a towel.  Another was in his hands as he dried his hair with it.  Acasja started at how loosely the towel around his waist was and worked her way up to his bare chest.  "You don't have to stare like that," he chided.  "Now that we're living together, you can see my body any time you want."  He approached until he was standing right in front of her.  "After all I am your servant.  I am here for you Lady Acasja… To be by your side... to do as you wish."

"Who said I WANTED you as my servant?"

He patted her on the shoulder.  "You need to eat some breakfast, Lady Acasja, or you will be cranky like this all day."  She brushed past him and stamped her way down the stairs.

There being only three of them in Cochrane Hall, they all ate in Acasja's suite.  "Tommy?" Acasja asked over dinner that evening.  "If you're really going to be my servant, if you're serious, then tell me what you know about these silly rules, this starship seal."

"Heh," he said with a silly grin on his face.  "Of course.  As you wish."

It was a comic cavalcade that left Cochrane Hall that evening.  Acasja stalked briskly across campus, avoiding looking at either Angela or Tommy.  She, as usual, followed in silence.  He, however, looked back at the students who stopped to watch and favoured them with his typical impish grin.  "Say, isn't that?"  "See how he follows her around now?"  "What makes Captain Applebaum do that?  Is he smitten or what?"  "And there's that Angela as usual."  "Odd girl!  And that pet of hers!"  "What's with the parade, huh?"  "Ooh, who else, Mickey and Julie!"  "It's a whole group of them.  Even Kevin Simon is here."  "Where are they going?"

The troupe entered the officers' dorm and the impromptu parade came to an end, much to the disappointment of the audience.  Once inside, Tommy took the lead and guided them to the conference room.  He waited for them all to be seated and addressed them.  "The duelling game we've been playing according to the laws of the Starship Seal ends here and now."

There came a collective gasp from those assembled.  "Did I hear you say..." Kevin began.

"Yes," Tommy interrupted.  "That's why I've gathered you here today.  To make sure that we're all agreed.  Princess, could you step outside for a bit?"  Angela looked at Acasja, who nodded, and she reluctantly left the room, slamming the door behind her in protest.

"Did you get a letter from Last Judgment?" Acasja asked.  "Was there something that said 'That's it... duelling's over... see you later'?"

No, but I know the truth.  Your victory in the last duel was decisive, Midshipman Tilfe.  You won.  Now it's over."

"But how can we..." someone else began; one of those Acasja had never fought.

"The will of Last Judgment, that is how all of it began," Tommy explained.  "Last Judgment gave each of us the ring, the Starship Seal, wanted the society members to duel.  The reason?  Something so simple.  Last Judgment wishes to gain the power of Aion."

He walked to stand before Acasja.  "Aion, the man who lives in the castle in the sky.” My Captain, Acasja sighed. “Aion is the one who came down to you at the last duel.  I don't know if he really exists, or if he's just a mirage, an illusion.  In any case, Aion has it: the power to stop the stars.  And if you can change the course of celestial bodies, well that is the power to change the universe.  And that's why we've continued to duel - to obtain the power, with the consort as the prize!  Because it is only when we duel that the sword appears.  We don't know why Angela Oteri should hold such an awesome ability, but that the sword draws forth the power of Aion from the castle in the sky.  The one who wins the duels, the one who can use the sword Infinite at will, shall be called the final victor.  And that is the one who gains the power of Aion."

"And you think it's Acasja Tilfe?" asked the same person who had spoken before.  "Several of us haven't fought her.  How can you say that for sure?"

"At the last duel, the castle in the sky began to move and the image of Aion came down.  That was the first time he was ever seen so clearly.  Who besides Midshipman Tilfe has moved him even half as much?"  There was silence behind her so that Acasja could almost hear the wind that faintly stirred her hair.

"And so the duels are over," Tommy declared. "Soon Last Judgment will finally act to realize his ambition: to change the universe."  There were no disputes from anyone else.  Even the person who had spoken before seemed swayed by his final argument.  In twos and threes they left until only Acasja and Tommy remained.

His explanation did not clear Acasja's confusion.  So I'm the final victor?   That only made it worse.  There was, had to be, something to come.  It made less sense than before.  She stood up and started to leave so she could find Angela.  Tommy laid his hand on her shoulder.  "Midshipman Tilfe?"  She looked at him quizzically.  "I plan to betray Last Judgment.  I'm telling this only to you."

"What?" 

"I'm sure that Last Judgment will try to possess you right away, so he can begin his plans in earnest.  But I beg you, please don't give in to him.  Let me stay with you, protect you.  We can go to the castle in the sky; we can get the power of Aion together."  His voice dropped to a whisper.  "One more thing, don't trust the consort.  Your princess is in secret communication with Last Judgment."  He turned from her suddenly and walked quickly away.

Don't trust Angela?  She heard a noise at her feet.  Geoffrey was sitting there, a banana in his clawed hands.  He held it up to her.  Acasja knelt down to take it and patted him on the head.  "Such a nice boy.  This is your little way of asking me to forgive Angela, isn't it?"

A shadow fell over the two of them.  It was Angela.  "I heard what he said - every word!  Tommy Applebaum is wrong."

"Oh Angela," Acasja said, embarrassed.

"You mustn't betray Last Judgment.  Anything but that!"  She had been looking directly at Acasja but now she lowered her head.

“So you...” Acasja, said hesitantly, “you obey the will of Last Judgment, not the one you're betrothed to.  Was it like that from the moment we met?"  It was so hard to ask.

Angela's head drooped even further.  She took in a slow breath.  "Yes."

"And yet you say Tommy Applebaum is wrong?" Acasja shouted in disbelief.

"Please listen, Lady Acasja," Angela said, looking back up at Acasja's face, "and try to understand.  Last Judgment sees through everything.  What Last Judgment cannot have, he will destroy.  Your safety - the safety of those important to you – is hanging in the balance.  You're the one he wants.  And if you fight him on that, or Thomas Applebaum stands in his way, one or both of you will pay the price."

"Why warn me like this?" Acasja asked her.  "Won't you get caught in the middle, Angela?"  She caught the look in Angela's eye.  "I... well... thank you.

"I still have to fight.  Last Judgment must be stopped - but for your sake too.  I know you can't be happy the way you are now.  My Princess, it has to end.  I won't run away." 

Geoffrey grabbed her leg in a brief hug and let go.  Angela watched her as Acasja's walked out of the room alone.  So sweet, she thought, so brave.  She has no idea what she faces.

Acasja wasn't sure where she was going, but she was going there very quickly.  Until I finally go to see Aion in the castle in the sky, I'll stay noble like he told me.  Yelling and people running shook her into the world around her.  "What?  A fire?"

There was smoke coming from South Hall, Wanda's dorm.  Acasja ran toward it as fast as she could.  How could there be a fire in this day and age?  Fourth Class Midshipmen were gathering in front of the dorm.  "Are you all here?"  "Is everyone alright?  Find your roommates!" "Here!"  "Hey, we're here!"  "I was so afraid."  "I thought I was going to die." “Here.”  “Hey, we’re here.” “Cough, cough.”  Acasja quickly joined the milling group.  "B-but where's Wanda Beck?" 

"Wanda? Doesn't she live in a single?" a male student asked. 

"Have you seen her?  Is she… is she still in her room?"

"Up there!"  "My God!" someone called out. 

"Wanda's window!" Acasja shouted.  "She's still inside!"  She raced toward the doors. 

"Huh?  Hey wait, you can't just... Acasja!"

Wanda lay on the ground near her door, coughing into the hand she held over her mouth.  "Someone, please..." she said weakly.  A heavy fist pounded on the door.

"Wanda!"

"Acasja, is that you?"

"Yes, quick.  Open the door."

"I can't.  It won't open.  And the windows are jammed too."

Acasja twisted the knob and it turned freely in her hand but the door did not open.  "It's not locked from the outside."

"Why am I," Wanda sobbed, "the only one who's locked in?"

Angela's words came back to Acasja.  ‘What Last Judgment can not have, he will destroy.  Your safety - the safety of those important to you - is hanging in the balance.’   It couldn't be.  Could it?  A nearby door collapsed and fell and she felt a rush of heat.

"Acasja, help me!"

She gave the knob a last useless twist.  "Hold on.  I'll find something to break down the door."  She ran into the next room, found a metal chair with a sharp end on its legs. Last Judgment, could he have done something like this? The room was in flames and when she turned back to the door, it was blocked by the fire.  "I'm closed in!" 

Something above, wreathed in flames, came crashing down, and she rolled to the floor.  ‘You're the one he wants,’ Angela had said.  ‘And if you fight him on that…’  This is too much.  "Wanda!  I'm here" she called, hoping the girl could hear her in the next room.  Smoke got in her lungs and she coughed.  More and more it surrounded her.  No way out!  She couldn't breath, couldn't move.  The fire was almost upon her but she couldn't feel it.  I'm sorry Wanda.  Oh Angela, I was too weak.  I guess I wasn't meant to be your Prince Charming.

The window burst inward.  A man holding an axe leaped into the room.  "Are you okay?"  He dropped the axe, ran to her and picked her up.  He covered her face with a respirator.  "Hold this up to your mouth.  Cover your face.  That was awfully reckless of you - heading into a fire unprepared."  She was able to breathe enough that she could look up at him as he held her.  Angela's brother.  Iblis Acton.  "But it'll be okay.  Hold onto me tight.  The stairs are already on fire so the window's the only way to escape."

Acasja regained her senses thanks to the respirator.  "Escape? No, wait.  Wanda's still..."

"Don't fret about her Acasja; you just leave everything to me."  They were at the window now.  "Now close your eyes and hang on."  It felt to Acasja like he leaped from the window.  With her face next to him, despite the smell of smoke and the respirator, she could catch the faint scent of rose attar.  He hit the ground with her in his arms and rolled. 

Acasja opened her eyes and looked up.  The respirator mask had fallen off.   She was facing the burning building.  A ladder was against the window of Wanda's room and a fire rescue worker was carrying the girl down to the ground.  "I told you to leave it to me," he said.  Looking at him now, Acasja realized how closely they were in contact.  Her heart beat loudly in her chest.  His face!  Up close he looks almost like Aion. 

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, noting her stare.  He sat up and she crawled out from under him.

"Um, do you have a sibling besides Angela?  Like a brother or a cousin who looks like you?"

"Can't say I have."

"Have you ever heard of Aion?" she persisted in asking, still struck by the strange resemblance.

"No.  Is he...?” he trailed off and Acasja could feel the heat suddenly rising. 

She surprised herself by giggling.  "Not like that," she said quickly.  "Just someone I admire.  You look a bit alike, but you're much older."  If he's a totally different person, then why was my heart pounding so hard?

Acasja didn't see him again in the aftermath of the fire.  Nor did she see Wanda, who had suffered a lot worse than she had.  She hoped someone would find an explanation for how Wanda's door had stayed locked and the fire suppression systems had failed.  Her own dark fears were too horrible to imagine.  Somehow she knew they were true.

Iblis Acton sat in the dark observatory.  "You see?  I will get you... you shall be mine, Acasja Tilfe."  He looked at his hand.  The treatment was working fine.  By morning it would be back to normal.

His nurse reached up and pulled the wounded hand toward her.  "Iblis, you have to take great care.  Don't do anything that puts you in danger.  See how you hurt yourself setting that fire?"

She was sitting on his lap.  He wrapped his fingers around hers and then released them.  His hand caressed her hair and then down her back.  "You know it can't be helped.  After all, Angela, this is the will of Last Judgment.  All must be bent to that will for all must bend to me!"

this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #117 on: December 17, 2007, 09:35:06 pm »
I also enjoyed your piece with the chili. If any of that could be included into the main story, it would have to be Geoffrey's intuition and intelligence. Perhaps something that most might take for granted, but you have portrayed well throughout (especially in the interlude, giving us a glimpse inside his furry noodle).

I will be posting my Tuesday bits in a few hours.  This one's for you, Czar.  More of Geoffrey.  Written when I was trying to decide on the ending and couldn't decide between a) super surreal, b) it was just a dream, and c) something in between.  In both a) and c) it really happens, so I went with one of them.  I did write all three endings, and they all work.
this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Andromeda

  • Queen of Amber
  • Lt. Junior Grade
  • *
  • Posts: 319
  • Gender: Female
  • Absolute Destiny!
    • Andromeda's Invasion
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #118 on: December 18, 2007, 12:08:05 am »
calyX-FILES II: THREE WISHES

It had been left, dead eyes staring, standing in Cochrane Hall's downstairs foyer one day.  And my mistress Angela said...

"Oh look, isn't that the cutest thing?"

You mean me?

She walked right by me to pick it up.  "Aw, what a cute little doll."

You call this cute... "It's a tad grubby, but it'll clean right up."  ...but it looks freaky to me.  This is no fun.  I started up the stairs.  Finally, just as I reached the top I heard it.

"No... Please stop it." My mistress was in trouble.  "Please Kevin, this isn't right."  He was harassing my mistress again.  I started down the stairs.  If only I were a little bigger then I could protect my mistress.

Arms akimbo, Lady Acasja stood at the top of the staircase.  "Stop it.  Right now, Mr. Simon!"  She raced down the stairs and forced herself between them.  "I've told you if you want the princess, you have to win her through a duel."  Lady Acasja, you're so cool!

"Damn you girl, why do you always thwart me?"

"I'll accept a challenge any time!"  You rock hard, Lady Acasja.  She and my mistress went on outside.

"Geoffrey," daunted by her, he turned to me.  "Hmph, you runt.  Couldn't get down in time to save your life.  Bet I can show you a faster way down, monkey."  He came up and kicked me down the stairs.  "Listen up, monkey runt.  Starfleet Academy is no place for you to be running around chasing Angela.  Damn little pest."

I landed on something hard and cursed him.  It was the doll.  I looked at it now that I was close to it.  Strange.  I've seen this face before.  It looked like me.  Then I looked again. Is it a girl? It was wearing a skirt and had a necklace.  It looks sort of like mistress too.  With that thought, I kissed it.

Bling!  Its eyes opened.  I ran and hid behind the stair post.  "My name is Canterella. Your kiss has lifted my curse - ella.  In return it is my duty to grant three wishes to the one who broke the spell - ella."

What?

It, she pointed at me.  "Now for number one - ella."  I put a claw in my mouth and thought.  One? I thought some more and pointed at her.  One? I thought some more.

"Please! Just decide - ella."

Hmm!  Wish wish... What do I want? Hrmm.  "Come on.  Say it - ella.  NOW!"

I know.  How about bananas!

"Hmph!" she snorted.  There was a loud rumbling noises and it began to rain bananas until the floor was covered above my head with bananas. 

The whole collection of Starship Seal members came in.  Captain Applebaum was saying something about the power to change the universe.  I burped and they all looked at me and the bananas.  "Where did you find all these bananas?" Lady Acasja asked.  "You'll get a tummy ache."  I already had a tummy ache but wasn't about to stop.  I started to peel another one.  "I said no!"  Lady Acasja grabbed the banana.

My mistress found Canterella.  "Why Geoffrey, it's that cute little doll.  You must like it a bunch if you're taking it wherever you go."

Hateful Kevin Simon took it from her.  "What a filthy doll." He tossed it in a trash receptacle.  "You'll get dirt on Angela."

Letting Lady Acasja have the banana; there were more, I dove for the trash can.  Oh!  My precious honey! (my nickname for Canterella). 

"Geoffrey?" My mistress called out.

"Leave him," Hateful Kevin Simon said, putting a restraining hand on her shoulder.  "Face it, the trash is a fitting place for that runt."

I found her, looking somewhat horrified, lying on top of a magazine that said something about live teenage models.  Damn that Hateful Kevin Simon!  "Well, what is your second wish - ella?"

Geoffrey should be the same size as everyone else!  "Hmph!" she snorted again.  Yay!  Now I can clobber Hateful Kevin Simon!  I didn't get any bigger and had to crawl out of the garbage.  Why not, I wondered.  Then I reached ground.

"Geoffrey?"  Lady Acasja looked me in the eye.  My mistress was behind her, being held by Captain Applebaum.  Did Geoffrey get bigger after all?  But Hateful Kevin Simon isn't here!

My mistress came up behind Lady Acasja to look at me.  "How did Geoffrey get so large?"

Mickey came up behind her to look at me.  "That's not it, Angela.  We're the ones who got small - to the same size as Geoffrey!"

Geoffrey should be the same size as everyone else had been my wish.  I put my hands to my mouth in fear.  "It seems he knows why we got small," Captain Applebaum said. 

Lady Acasja asked him, "You mean Geoffrey?"

"Yes.  He's acting suspicious."

Julie started cracking her knuckles.  "I'll make him talk."

I'm sorry. Really.  I'll get Honey to make everyone back to normal with my third wish.  They didn't seem to understand me. 

The door opened.  Hateful Kevin Simon came in.  "Look at that," said Lady Acasja.  "How come Kevin's still the same size?"

"He'd left the room of course," Captain Applebaum said, shaking his head.  "Does it all the time."

"It's not fair!" Mickey said, echoing my own thought.  How could this be?

Hateful Kevin Simon looked around the room, confused.  "Where'd they all go?"

Everyone ran behind the garbage receptacle.  "We can't let him see us like this," Captain Applebaum whispered. 

I grabbed my mistress and told her what I had done.  She crept to the others.  "He asked Canterella, the doll, to grant him his wish: to be the same size as the rest of us.  We'd be back to normal if he could get the doll in the wastebasket and make another wish."

"What?"  Julie looked up and pointed. "In this trashcan?"

Above us, Hateful Kevin Simon sighed.  "Oh well.  I can toss that trash can with the ratty doll and the bananas in it while they're gone."  I grabbed the basket. "Monkey, get off.  Ugh."

Suddenly he looked down in surprise.  The others had grabbed onto the legs of his pants.  "Stop it Kevin!" shouted Captain Applebaum.  "You don't know what you're doing!  Cut it out!"

"What the...?  What happened to you all?" he asked in surprise.

"It's me, my lord," said my mistress standing apart from the others.

"Angie," he said, "and so tiny.  How completely adorable."  He lowered his hands and she stepped into his cupped palms.  He lifted her up to his face. 

"Please listen, Kevin." she said.  "Give the doll in the trash back to Geoffrey.  Without your kind assistance, we're helpless."

Hateful Kevin Simon did something nice for once. "All right, Angie."  He sat her down and then gave me the doll.  "Here you go runt."

"Good luck, Geoffrey," Lady Acasja wished me.

This time I wish that Geoffrey and everyone else are all going to get big together. I raised my arm in a gesture of triumph.

"HMPH!" she said. "Then it's done.  I'll grant your final wish - ella."  The doll fell back, lifeless, and we grew.  The others were feeling themselves and making sounds of relief while I stood triumphantly among them.

"I, I can't believe it," Mickey said. 

"Yes, it seems we're back to normal," agreed Captain Applebaum.

"He seems eerily big for a monkey," commented Julie, looking at me.

"He seems to be happy, though." Lady Acasja admitted.

"Yes," said my mistress.

Now I can clobber Hateful Kevin Simon!  At the same moment, Lady Acasja asked "Where's Kevin?"

My mistress stood at the doorway.  "There.  Look up!"

We all ran outside and looked.  Above the tallest buildings I could see his upper body and head.  "What on Earth is going on?" he boomed.

People were running away from him.  "Kevin got Gigantified!" exclaimed Lady Acasja.

He looked down at us and anger stirred his eyes.  "RUNT, IT'S YOUR FAULT ISN'T IT?  I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!"  With ripping, smashing, and crashing he came after me.  The shadow of his gigantic foot appeared over me.  Must Run!

-Geoffrey

this sig was eaten by a grue

Offline Governor Ronjar

  • Lt.
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Gender: Male
  • 'None Farther...'
Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #119 on: December 18, 2007, 07:06:12 pm »
I second the Kadh-man. This is good.  Your characterizations do not waver.

I have enjoyed this immensely!

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.