Topic: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation  (Read 34633 times)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #60 on: November 06, 2007, 03:16:51 am »
I do remember that was about the age when empathy for others really began to matter.  I seriously considered setting this at a private academic college that was preparatory to a university education.  I couldn't find a Star Trek angle for that though.

Sort of an ROTC-style prep school prior to going to the Academy, perhaps?

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Andy, La'ra  thanks for commenting on my story.

It's a pleasure. 

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I hope no one minds the occasional peak into my ideas for the story instead of just the writing.

Oh hell no.  I can while away hours talking to the Guv or my unfortunate significant other about tiny little nuggets of ideas and little stuff I sneak into stories that I never know if people notice or not.  Talking about that stuff is important, and, though this place has it's activity doldrums, it's one of the best places I've found to do that.  You should see some of the IM convo's Andy and Kieran and I have had.

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PS.  I'm having more fun writing this than anything I've ever written before.  (Oh, yes, the next part is seriously weird.)

Hehehe.  Gooood.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #61 on: November 06, 2007, 10:43:08 am »
While writing is supposed to be the main reason we are here, reading  is often first and foremost. Of course, ou can't have one without the other. As for commenting, I love doing it, even though commenting on some are harder than others. ;D

We like to explain ourselves, so feel free to do so. I know the Guv and I like to. We even like to address points raised by commenters!
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #62 on: November 06, 2007, 09:49:41 pm »

Sort of an ROTC-style prep school prior to going to the Academy, perhaps?

When I do the next rewrite, that's what I'll do.  For now you'll have to suffer with the original.

USNA ranks: (from the US Navy website.)
Freshman: Midshipman Fourth Class
Sophomore: Midshipman Third Class
Junior: Midshipman Second Class - members of the this class may hold NCO positions (sergeants and so on)
Senior: Midshipman First Class - members of this class may hold officer positions up to the rank of Midshipman Captain for the highest ranking student in the Brigade of Midshipmen.  Each officer in the USNA only holds his rank for a single semester so that more students may benefit from command experience.

Midshipman is technically the lowest officer rank available and can be considered 'officer candidate'.  A midshipman cannot command actual naval personnel but is given the respect due an officer.

I'm sort of afraid to post the next part since it is the most manga-like and least star trek of the chapters.  It's probably one of the strangest as well.  I'm kind of committed now, though, so I will post it for the weekend.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #63 on: November 06, 2007, 11:33:36 pm »
As I have come to like Manga more than Trek of late...I am more than happy to read your Manga.

I have often thought of doing an episode or two of Endeavour as a Manga style comic...

--thu guv!!
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #64 on: November 08, 2007, 08:10:56 pm »
CHAPTER 4 – Feats of Nobility

Acasja found a plot of grass where no one was marching and lay on her back enjoying the sun beaming down on her.  She held the ring up into the light and looked at the symbol on it, Enterprise: one of the twelve cruisers of Starfleet, which made up a part of the seal of the academy.  "My first love," she said and sighed, "gave this to me so long ago.  I don't recall his name or face, but I remember he smelled of Sutena, no of white roses."

The warm sun beat down on her and made it hard to see the ring for the glare.  Acasja turned on her side to look at it but her eyes were heavy.  "I'll never forget that scent..." Her eyes closed and the brightness no longer bothered her but she was surrounded by warmth.

Someone giggled and a heavy weight pushed Acasja into the warm grass.  "Your sleeping face is beautiful," said Wanda, lying on top of her.

"You're heavy," Acasja muttered weakly, still mostly asleep.

Wanda noticed her finger.  "A ring.  How pretty.  Where did you get it?  It's not a gift from some guy is it?"

Acasja repeated aloud the words from her dream.  "Someday this ring will lead you to me."  She pushed her hands into the grass and slowly forced herself into a sitting position with Wanda still holding onto her.  "That's what Prince Charming said when he rode up on his white horse and gave it to me."

Wanda let her go and the girl's breath hissed in sharply.  She moved around her to look Acasja in the face.  She pointed a finger accusingly and opened her mouth to speak, but stopped for a long moment before waves of laughter came pouring out.  Acasja sighed.  "Oh, you made me laugh to hard," Wanda continued once she calmed down.  "My stomach hurts."

Acasja stood up and Wanda took her arm in her grip.  "Hey!" she said, looking toward one of the hovering announcements where several students were gathered.  "What's with the crowd?" she asked one of the midshipmen on the edge of the crowd.

"Somebody wrote a love letter and it got posted on the board," the midshipman replied.

Acasja looked at the board.  Over the heads of the students, she could see a sign for the upcoming marathon, but nothing else was clear.  Several of the students burst out laughing.  She forced her way forward, her sense of right and wrong deeply offended.  "Listen to this line," one of the male midshipmen said, "'I was dancing with you, Kevin, in my dream.  You were smiling kindly.  It made me feel so silly.'"  Another round of laughter followed.

"How awful!" Acasja exclaim, bullying her way to the front of the crowd.  "Have you no sense of shame?" she asked loudly and ripped the letter from the board.  The midshipmen nearest her shrank back.

"Acasja,” a soft voice said, barely audible.

"It's posted," one midshipman said timidly, "so it's for us to read."

"That doesn't mean you should, so don't!"  Then Acasja realized who had quietly called her name.  She caught Wanda's eye.  The girl's face was pale and her lips trembled.  Wanda turned abruptly and fled. 

Ignoring the bodies she knocked out of the way, Acasja ran after her roommate.  She found Wanda on the edge of the quad, leaning against a tree and sobbing.  "It was your letter, wasn't it?" she asked.  Wanda's body only shook more strongly.

Her own face was red and she could feel the blood pounding inside her.  She tore the paper to shreds and turned toward where she knew Commander Simon would be.   She found him in the gym practicing cuts with a suburito.  "Bastard!  You won't get away with this!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied calmly, not even looking at her.

"The letter from Wanda."  Acasja stood at the door, arms akimbo, almost shaking with anger.

"Of course it wasn't me." His voice remained even.  "I threw the letter in the trash.  I'm sure someone else just fished it out and posted it.

"Why didn't you tear it up or dispose of it properly?"

"Oh please.  It's my business to do what I like with the letters I get.  It was just a note from a silly girl.  Such a dumb, rather such an amusing letter should be used for the enjoyment of others.  Don't you think so?"

Unable to contain herself any longer, Acasja leaped forward with a shout and caught the wooden blade in her hands as it descended.  "What makes you think...?" he began and then stopped, his eyes fixed on the ring she still wore on her left hand.

"Today after classes," the words poured out almost as if someone else was using her voice, "I challenge you... to a duel."

"I see," he said almost to himself.  "So you're next are you?"  He let the sword slide through her grip and turned away from her.

"Well, do you accept?" she asked sharply.

"Heh, why not," he replied and began to calmly clean his gear, still facing away from her.  "I shall meet you in dueller’s wood behind campus after classes are over today."

"Dueller’s wood?" she repeated softly.  Ignoring him now that he had answered her challenge, Acasja turned and wandered dazedly out of the room.  She wasn't sure where that would be or even what it was, but it could be only one place.  Outside the gates away from the water that surrounded the academy on three sides.

She waited until classes were over, occasional glances at Wanda motivating her desire for satisfaction from the unfeeling Commander.  She quickly headed back to their room to retrieve her shinai.  She inspected the blade and hurried toward the landward side of the campus.  She remembered seeing a gate there, one that she had never seen opened.

It was somewhat overgrown.  The seal of the academy, with the twelve starship symbols, was engraved on the gate.  Two pure white knobs met in the centre, surrounded by a plasteel recess in the gates.  Suddenly nervous, Acasja reached out with trembling hands to grasp the two globes.  She tried to turn them but they did not move and the gates rattled against each other.  "Locked.  I knew it."

At that instant, plasteel panels shot from the sides of the lock to grasp both her hand and hold them firmly.  Terrified, she jerked them free from the knobs and pulled them tightly to her chest.  From the door, the symbol for the Enterprise shone briefly and with a click and a screech, the gates opened.

Acasja picked her discarded shinai back up and walked beneath the archway formed by the open gates.  To encourage herself as she entered the unknown environment, she muttered aloud, "I don't understand what's going on here, but I'm going to find out." 

A bell began to toll ominously and Acasja walked through a sudden fog into an area overgrown with thorns.  She swung her bamboo blade back and forth to clear herself a path through them.  They finally parted to reveal one of those strange staircases that permeated the grounds.  Not hesitating, she stepped forward and began to climb. 

"Oh my," she stopped and gasped when she finally looked up near the top.  A castle seemed to float in the air above the field of stone at the top of the staircase.  She wondered that she hadn't seen it from the academy grounds.

"Your first time?" Commander Simon asked.  She hadn't seen him approach and yet he stood in the centre of the square of stones. 

"What is that?" she asked, still looking up.

"Call it a mirage of sorts," he said. 

"A mirage?" she echoed in disbelief.

He didn't answer her.  "You puzzle me.  I wonder are there others who have been given the starship seal.  Besides the officers of course.  Are there others like you?"

His words confused her.  "Given the starship seal?  What do you mean?"

He held up his own ring.  It had another emblem on it: the USS Exeter.  "Angela.  Prepare us."

It was then Acasja noticed the third person.  The same female midshipman she had seen him with before. From the waist up she was wearing the dress uniform of an admiral in Starfleet.  A wide skirt flared out from her waist and reached to the ground, hiding her feet.  She walked to Commander Simon and pinned a red rose to his breast, covering the cadet patch.

She approached Acasja to do the same, but covered her patch with a Sutena blossom.  "Whoever has their flower knocked off first, loses," she explained to Acasja.  The girl smelled of white roses and Acasja was overwhelmed by memories of her first love, her captain.  "Good luck to you," the girl said and Acasja shook herself back into the present.

"What do you mean by wishing my opponent good luck?" Commander Simon yelled at the girl and slapped her. 

The girl covered her cheek with her hand and almost collapsed on Acasja.  "I'm sorry, sir," she said meekly.

"What is wrong with you?" Acasja barked at the commander.  She squeezed the girl protectively.  "Are you alright?  How can you let him treat you like that?"

"Commander Simon is my Lord,” she replied, "and the current victor in the duels.  He has the legal right to do whatever he wants with me."

Anger over what the commander had done to Wanda had been enough to bring Acasja to that point.  At the girl's words her mind almost shut down.  "What?!" she shouted in disbelief.  "You don't like him?  He isn't your boyfriend?"  It wasn't what she wanted to say, but what she wanted to say, she couldn't believe.  "You people are as broken as this place is!  Where's the technology, the phasers, the tricorders?  What are we doing here with swords and iron gates and stupid duels?"

"Are you ready now?" the commander asked, his bored tone cutting through her rising shrieks.  "Shall we get started?"

"I don't know what's going on," she replied, "but all I have to do is win, right?"  Mirages and magic tricks, insane officers, ceremonies and strange costumes were driving her to her limit. 

"The blade of the Federation, the power Almighty that sleeps within me," the girl intoned.  "The power to reinvent the universe."  A sword seemed to appear in her outstretched hands and Commander Simon reached out to take it."

"More magic tricks?" Acasja growled. Without bothering to reply, his sword arced toward her and downward, batting her own loosely held blade to one side.  "Here I..." she began, but he was readying another swing.  She lifted the bamboo blade and blocked his second stroke.  Then she backed away into the centre of the stones and raised the shinai to her right shoulder.  His own sword was held in both hands in front of him.  She stroked downward toward his head and he parried.  On the offensive, she pressed her advantage and pushed him toward the edge of the square.

"Hmm," he said, still bored, "You're pretty good for a girl.  Let me guess, you think you're the handsome Prince Charming here to rescue the damsel in distress."  His voice suddenly grew in strength.  "You presume too much."  He twisted his wrist on his next parry and the metal blade cut through her bamboo one. 

"You mean that trick sword is real?"

"Such a silly girl.  I can't believe you challenged the blade Infinite with a bamboo practice sword."  He raised his sword in a final salute and Acasja realized he was serious and truly insane. 

She dodged the following stroke and involuntarily raised the short haft of what remained of the shinai.  "Why do I have to be in this crazy duel?" she wailed loudly.  Her mind raced but could not focus on the moment.  Being attacked by the second ranking officer of the academy, duelling for the right to have Angela… that was her name, as consort, while overhead a fairytale castle floated, waiting.

Acasja realized the Commander had the tip of his blade pointing at her throat.  "Don't you know about the Sword Infinite?" he pressed.

"I don't know about this Sword of God, the Federation, or whatever; your duelling; or any of this," she answered honestly.  "I merely did this for my friend Wanda."

"Commander Simon," Angela interrupted, "perhaps she truly does not know..." 

He slapped her again before she could finish.  "Shut up!  You are my consort, my property.  Keep quiet."

Acasja cursed him again.  He had been in the gym practicing kendo.  "How dare you call yourself a kendoka?  To call a girl your property!"  His offense against her sense of rightness brought her firmly back to the moment.  "The one whose rose drops loses, right?  Then this match isn't over yet."  Only grateful that he had stepped away from her to strike Angela, Acasja raised what remained of her shinai.

"So you mean to keep going with that stick of yours?" he teased her.  "If you really want, I could stain that white rose with your blood - in a single strike."  He paused to let the threat sink in.  "Would you really risk your life against me, Prince Charming?  Is saving the damsel really worth that price? Ha ha ha."

Time stood waiting on her reply.  The scent of the Sutena rose to her, taking her back to the past again when the starfleet officer had saved her life, banished her tears.  "So much sadness born by such a small child," he had said. Acasja could see that sadness in Angela.  "If you do not lose your noble heart, this ring will lead you to me."  He had kissed her cheek then, erasing the tears and bringing her back to the moment.

"Man or woman," she said resolutely, "one of strength and nobility is always the prince."  As she pointed what remained of the shinai at his breast, a deep boom echoed across the field.  Out of the corner of her eye, Acasja saw Captain Applebaum ascending the stairs.  She made a slight flourish with the haft.

"You and that stick of yours," Commander Simon sighed, shaking his head.  She lifted it to her left shoulder and rushed at him.  "You're serious?  Well, then in that case...."  He shouted as he cut across her path with the sword.  She stepped slightly left and the tip of his blade passed the rose and cut through the fabric over her right breast and arm.  Angela covered her face with her hands. 

Acasja whipped her small weapon down and to the right once she was inside his guard.  The petals of the rose on his shirt fluttered to the ground.  Breathing heavily, she said "Your rose is mine."  The sword in his hand flew into the air and settled towards Acasja.  She dropped the remains of the shinai and reached out to grasp the hilt as it descended. 

"You!" the commander screamed at her, shocked.

"Almighty!"  It was Angela and she stared at Acasja almost in awe. 

Acasja almost felt another presence hovering over her and within her, guiding the blade into her hands.  She couldn't move.  It engulfed her, moved her.  It exploded over her and she screamed with an ecstasy she had never felt before.  The moment passed and she was herself again.  She looked in wonder at the blade in her hands.

The three people around her reacted as though it had not been just her that had felt something.  Angela still held her face in her hands and was sobbing.  Commander Simon sat stunned on the ground.  "The sword activated for the first time," Captain Applebaum said in wonder.  "Is that the power that everyone is after?"

Acasja ran her fingers over the hilt in confusion.  Her attention was somehow drawn away from it to Angela who was no longer crying.  "Here," Acasja said, walking toward her dazedly.  "This is yours isn't it?"  She presented the blade to the girl.  "I won it for you."

"Tell me your name," said the Captain.

"Midshipman Fourth Class Acasja Tilfe," she said, barely noticing him, her formal salute was by reflex only. 

"Acasja Tilfe," he said and smiled, "I could be falling for you."

"Don't get cute with me," she replied sharply.  "This isn't the time."  His smile grew wider and he laughed.   "All I want to do is get out of this crazy place!"  The insanity was threatening to infect her too and Acasja ran until she had passed through the gates.  They slammed forcefully behind her.  "Angela!" she suddenly remembered and faced the gates resolutely.  They would not open for her.  Acasja mouthed a silent prayer for the girl and turned her back on them and made her way back to the campus.

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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #65 on: November 08, 2007, 08:12:02 pm »
Chapters 4-7 are of a kind.  I was tempted to post all of them together, but I'll hold to one per week unless you want me to go faster.
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Offline KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #66 on: November 08, 2007, 08:30:27 pm »
You should see some of the IM convo's Andy and Kieran and I have had.

LOL. Indeed. *grins, shakes head*
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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #67 on: November 14, 2007, 02:11:22 pm »
I keep meaning to write a long commentary about this one, but I haven't had the time yet.  It's coming.
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #68 on: November 15, 2007, 04:20:22 pm »
Karma for everyone who actually posts on the story and a promise of reciprocal commentary!  It may not be Trek enough for you, but it will not reach its full potential without helpful criticism.

Thanks,
S
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #69 on: November 15, 2007, 08:19:02 pm »
...and a promise of reciprocal commentary! 

Thanks,
S

...scans Ford stories for mentions of Andromeda's name...

Coolness! A new voice would be welcome there.

--thu guv!
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Offline Czar Mohab

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #70 on: November 16, 2007, 05:03:19 pm »
No need for + Karma or promissory cross posting for me. Just know that I have been reading and thoroughly enjoying this series. I just haven't had a lot of time to poke in and say much more than a line or two overall.

I feel like i've been neglecting you all...

With that said, I'll give you my complete thoughts on this subject soon.

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #71 on: November 16, 2007, 09:15:39 pm »
Yeah, no need for karma here either.  I've just been lazy...
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #72 on: November 16, 2007, 10:35:25 pm »
 :) ...Yeah....I never really feel lazy when I think about you... ;D

--thu guv!
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #73 on: November 17, 2007, 01:28:25 am »
Chapter 5 is next.  I think that chapters 4-8 would be called "rising action".  I realized I certainly am not half way done yet and I've already finished the 9th cpapter.  Okay, maybe 2/3 of the way done.  Again, less Trek and more weird.  The major rewrite that will make it more appropriate is coming.  Feedback to make that version even better would be awesome.  FWIW there is a duel involving a phaser in chapter 6.

CHAPTER 5 - Into the Mists

Acasja stood in front of her dormitory, looking across campus under the light of the morning sun.  Her sleep had been restless but not without benefit.  "Now that I've won that strange duel," she said to herself, "perhaps Commander Simon will leave that girl alone."  She started across the field to her first class.  She passed through the crowd of students almost without noticing them; the events of the previous evening still preoccupied her.

"Acasja!  Good Morning!" a couple of her classmates greeted her.  "Hello," she said briskly and walked on.  Behind her, the comment "Is it me or is she not her usual self?" barely registered. 

Acasja took her seat and faced forward.  Same old morning, she thought, same old classroom, but after yesterday it's all changed.  Suddenly she sat erect.  The girl, Angela Otori, was in the room also and was speaking to one of her classmates.  While all Fourth Class Midshipmen took the same core classes, Angela had not been in Acasja's class.  Acasja's eyes followed her as she took a seat near the back of the room and bent over her class work.  It was as if nothing had happened yesterday.  "And so class," the professor began, and Acasja reluctantly faced forward.

Between classes she needed a break to try and clear her mind.  Was it all a dream? she asked herself.  At that moment, Wanda chose to ambush her and leaped upon Acasja's back, knocking her forward so that she had to struggle to maintain her balance.  "Wanda," she said through gritted teeth, "you're as heavy as a sack of old monkeys today."

"Acasja?" Wanda replied, angrily.  "Acasja!" her voice was quivering.

"What, did Commander Simon do something else to you?"

"No.  I don't care about that.  Who needs him when I have you?"

"Oh, okay," Acasja replied dumbly, not following the conversation at all.

"It's not okay.  We're classmates and we were roommates and all, but starting tonight you'll be in Cochrane Hall."  She released Acasja and stood beside her.

"A room change?  Cochrane Hall?  I thought that was overflow housing and hadn't been used in ten years.  Is anyone else moving there?"  Wanda shook her head negatively.  "Shall we stop by and take a look at it?"

Wanda shook her head even more emphatically.  "I hear that it's full of mice and weasels and ghosts.  Plus all the rooms are singles.  No thanks!  I can't stand the thought of you being there with spider webs, cockroaches, and doodlebugs."  Acasja wasn't exactly sure what weasels and doodlebugs were but apparently they were some kind of vermin.

She went to Cochrane hall alone.  She wondered if it was somehow related to yesterday.  The entrance was as gloomy as she imagined.  She grasped the right doorknob and twisted.  The door creaked open as she pushed it inward. 

The interior of Cochrane Hall was grand and decayed.  A chandelier, dripping cobwebs was the centerpiece of a large foyer.  Two wooden staircases lined the walls, leading up toward the first story.  The main floor extended both left and right at the foot of each staircase.  She looked up to see a single room centered between the two staircases.  She was certain the first story extended to the sides as well; but that single room caught her attention and she turned to the right and began to climb the stairs.  She put her hand on the banister to help maintain her balance but withdrew it quickly.  The handrail was covered with dust over sticky resin.  "Sheesh!" she said aloud, her voice carrying in the large empty hall.  Shaking her head, she thought, this is going to be a pain for me to clean up if I have to do it alone. 

She got to the landing and noted the hall did continue, and that stairs on both sides lead on up to the second story. Her name was written on a metal plate beside the door.  It must be even more disgusting in there, she thought and reached for the knob.  Fine, dammit!  I'll just clean a decade's worth of dirt.  It turned with a smooth click and she pushed the door open. 

She dropped her duffel with a loud thunk and stood dumbfounded in the doorway.  The room was huge and it was pristine.  A mirror shone to her right and to her left was a portrait of Zefram Cochrane.  A reading table and high-backed luxurious chair were right in front of her. A bouquet of roses sat on the coffee table.  The afternoon sun gleamed through perfectly clear windows.  "Thank god! It's clean inside."

Angela Otori zoomed by her, still in uniform save she was barefoot.  The girl had a wad of cloth in her hands and was pushing it along the floor.  "I'm sorry Lady Acasja, but I'm not quite finished with the housekeeping."

Acasja watched for a moment as the girl continued to dry the floor.  At last her voice came back to her.  "W-why are you doing that?  This is my..."

"Oh!" the girl said, stopping and standing up.  "I must have forgotten."  She went to the writing desk and opened a drawer to take out a marker.  Holding it in her left hand she walked out the door and Acasja followed her in confusion.  Below Acasja's name on the brass plate, she wrote her own name. 

"By the laws of the Academy Seal, I'm your roommate as of today.  After all, I am the consort of the victor.  So I belong to you, as does the sword Infinite of course.  You were given the right to do whatever you want with me.  I am here to serve you."

"Consort as in spouse or as in companion?" Acasja asked, feeling trapped and helpless.  "Are you all nuts?"

Angela didn't answer her, but said "The housekeeping's done now.  Tea is ready, and what else can I do?"

"Is this a joke?"

"Ah, you must be tired.  I'll get you ready for bed."  The girl came over and lifted her shirt over stunned Acasja's head.

Acasja pulled herself way.  "Wait a second!  These laws you're talking about.  Does this mean you stayed with Commander Simon in his quarters too?"

"It's my duty.  I must become engaged to whoever is the victor in the duel."

"Engaged!  To be married?  Are you saying you belong in that way to whoever wins that strange duel?  Wait, don't answer that.  How can you be okay with that anyway, being treated like an object?"

"The laws of the Starship Seal are absolute," Angela answered and lowered her head so that Acasja could not see her eyes.  "Does it bother you to have us with you?" she continued quietly.

She looks so sad.  "I wouldn't say that," Acasja said and the girl moved to the kitchenette where a pitcher and three teacups were placed.  "Us?" she repeated and blushed at her own state of partial undress.  "You mean there's someone else here?"

"Yes."

"Where?  Who?" Acasja looked around wildly and then noticed the far teacup move by itself.  Wanda's voice, 'ghosts,' echoed in her mind.  "No way!"  She lifted the cup and a small pair of clawed hands slipped from it and a creature fell onto the pillowed seat of the far chair.

"What is that? A monkey?"  Acasja wasn't sure, but that was the closest she could come to it.  The creature was no longer than Acasja's arm and covered with dark fur, save two large white puffballs of ears.  It had a humanlike face and a long gray tail.

"It's Geoffrey, my friend, and he's a cotton-eared marmoset."  The creature all but growled at Acasja.  "Geoffrey, this is my friend.  Say hello."

"You have a pet?"  Acasja was certain pets weren't allowed.

"A friend." Angela corrected her.

"I see," Acasja agreed, and nodded kindly at the creature.  She picked up a cake and offered it to the marmoset.  "My name is Tilfe Acasja.  Will you be my friend too?"  The marmoset took the cake and quickly ate it then thumped its chest.  Acasja reached out her hands to it.  It grabbed them and squeezed gently then released her.

"How nice, Geoffrey likes you, Lady Acasja." Angela said and clapped her hands.  She took a seat and the marmoset hopped down from its perch and ran over to her.  It climbed up the chair legs and onto her lap. 

Acasja also sat down and faced the two of them across the table.  "May I ask you something, Angela?  What's so special about this ring?  It opened, or seemed to open, that gate in the forest.  Commander Simon had one too and I think the Captain did as well."

"It shows you're qualified to participate in the duels.  All of the brigade officers have one.  One after the other they'll challenge you and, as the current victor, it's your duty to accept."

"More crazy duels?" Acasja stood up rapidly and the chair behind her tipped over. The pleasant mood of a minute before was gone and her voice rose in anger.  "Was it these officers that made up these stupid rules?  What kind of place is Starfleet Academy?  Well, I make up my own rules and that floating castle and that sword trick was a bunch of hooey.  Believe me.  I'll find out what is really going on."

"Please don't!" Angela begged her.  "Lady Acasja, you don't know what they're capable of."

"Not yet," Acasja agreed, "but I'm going to find out.  Besides, it's cruel to make you live like this."  She turned toward the front of the suite and strode toward the door.
"Lady Acasja!" Angela called worriedly after her.  Acasja stormed out of the room and slammed the door.  Seconds later, she stormed back in, swiped her uniform blouse and jammed it back over her shoulders, and stormed out a second time.

First, I'll go back to that field where we dueled, then I'll find the Captain and...   Acasja stopped short in her internal rant.  Cochrane hall was near the rose garden and Midshipmen Captain Applebaum stood just within the entrance to the garden, his back to Acasja. Fine, I'll ask him directly.   "Targeting new objective!"  She marched toward him as he stepped through the gate into the garden. 

The sign, OFFICERS ONLY, gave her pause, but only for a moment, and she forced her way into the garden after him.  Always ahead of her, he entered one of the hothouses.  She raced to catch up with him.  "Hey Cap!" she called out defiantly, "I know you're in here!  I'm Acasja Tilfe and I want to talk to you!"

There was no answer and she walked down the central path among exotic roses from throughout the Federation.  "I said hey!" she called again.  "Where?"  Then she stopped and gasped.  It was him!  The Captain, her first love, was here.  His back was to her and he was looking out through a closed door.

Her Captain!  She wanted desperately to see his face.  Acasja raced down the path and toward the door.  At the corner where the main path intersected another, a voice sounded in her ear.  "You called?"

She turned in surprised. "Captain Applebaum?  Can you tell me who that man is by the door?"

He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into an embrace.  Acasja was totally unprepared for it and the next thing she knew his lips had covered hers.  Whether her heart beat many times or not at all, she couldn't have said.  It felt like forever before her body responded to her frantic mental commands.  One arm was pinned by his, but her other was free.  She reached out blindly to pull a rose from a bush and brought it up with a heavy smack across his face.  He jerked away in response to the pain.

"Playboy!" she gasped.  "They said you would make a pass at anyone!"  She pivoted on the arm that was still linked to the captain.  "He's gone!"

"No one but officers in the academy can come here," he said and released her.  "We're alone.  Oh, those thorns."  He wiped a hand along the bloody scratch.

Acasja snorted and tossed her hair and took two brisk steps before he brought her to a halt by saying "Wasn't there something you wanted to ask me?  About the starship seals we both wear on our ring fingers, for example?"

She turned and glared at him.  He held up his left hand.  "Yes, I have one as well.  It's the mark of one who can join in the game."

"Game?" she echoed dumbly.

"The duels in the woods," he said slowly, patiently.

"You give away a girl as a trophy in these duels," she said, “and you call it a game?  Who started this awful game?  You?"

"Of course it wasn't me.  These duels were decreed by Last Judgment."

"Last Judgment? What kind of name is that?"

He didn't answer.  "A letter marked with the academy seal comes on days apparently chosen at random by Last Judgment.  If we do what the letter says, the gates will open for the ring."

"Well, I've gotten letters," she admitted, "but they never spoke of a duel."

"Well, that's how the rest of us meet."

"But why duel?" she asked in frustration.  "Why this game?"

He wiped at his cheek again.  "That's the only way to win.  To possess the sword Infinite the consort carries."

"What's so great about having Angela and her monkey?"

"The sword Infinite." he said, not looking at her but gazing upward as if he were seeing something she didn't.  "It chooses its own master.  Not to say that it has power, but that it grants power to the one who has it.

"To the valiant one who continues to win and to be engaged to the consort, the sword grants infinite power.  Win enough and you can reach that castle in the sky." He wasn't paying attention to her at all by this point.  He was focused on his own words and was speaking rapidly, harshly.  "There every desire is granted, even if you want to change the universe.  That is the power Almighty."

"But why?  I can't even imagine what that means."

He turned to her again.  His smile was predatory.  "Surely you must have glimpsed it at least once, the power Almighty, that one time."

Acasja thought back to the duel when the sword had seemed to float into her hand and what had happened after.  She couldn't help but blush remembering the sensation.  "It, it was amazing to be sure but still I..."

He cut her off casually.  "I was surprised, to put it mildly, when you drew forth the power of the sword.  I was even more surprized that you weren't an officer." He walked slowly toward her, past her.  "Where could such an ability be sleeping within you?" His questioning made her blush even more.  "Where is it hiding?"  She felt his breath on the back of her neck and his hand moved her hair.  "I'd still like to find out."

Her face continued to burn, but anger replaced the strange emotion that had caused it before.  She slapped him again with the rose.  "If you ever touch me again, you will regret it!"  She threw it at him, turned and walked, as fast as she could without appearing to be running away, to the door.

"You know this weekend, is the spring formal..." he said.  She felt compelled to stop and turn back again, wondering what he was saying.  "If you want to know about Last Judgment, come."  He held her flower in one hand and inhaled the aroma.  "I'll wait for you."

"You think I would go to a dance?"  That was the final straw.  This time she didn't turn back and slammed the door.  She wiped at her mouth in sudden disgust.  In all the insanity, she chose to focus on the thing that was least outlandish.  What a little... He doesn't love me or care about me, and he kissed me.  My first kiss with a guy to someone like him.  Ick. She wiped at her mouth again.  What a blunder.

"Angela, but why?" At the sound of someone else talking nearby Acasja looked up.  Angela Otori, with the marmoset on her shoulder, was talking to Commander Simon.  Those two again? she wondered. 

"I'm sorry Kevin," Angela said, not looking up at him, "but I'm consort of Lady Acasja now."

"You're saying our engagement wasn't real?"

"No, Kevin, but it's over. I'm engaged to Lady Acasja now."

Acasja was surprised to see tears in his eyes.  He seemed to really have feelings for Angela.  "Shame on you!" he said and swatted her head.

It was time to intervene.  "No, shame on you commander."    Acasja forced herself between the other two and pushed him away from Angela. 

Acasja had thought the incident with Captain Applebaum had turned her away from this game forever.  The horrible reality of what she had just seen made her realize she could never back out. "Midshipman Otori is only following the rules of the academy seal that you officers made.  Now, if you really are worthy of the rank of commander, accept your own defeat and stop harassing her.  Or else challenge me fair and square. You know I'll take you on."

He stared at her for a moment, stammered, and fled.  She could see that the tears in his eyes were genuine and that made it even worse.  "I can see he really cares for you Angela."

Angela was staring after the commander; her own expression was of rage.  "Lady Acasja, you said you didn't want to take part in this anymore."

"I still don't Angela.  But things change.  I don't believe I can avoid them either.  Somehow, all of a sudden, I'm trapped in the middle of it all.  For now, I know only one thing.  I won't run away, not until the day I understand all of this.

"Tell me Angela, why did you become the consort in all of this?"

The girl put her hand to her chin and looked thoughtful.  "I don't know.  I've always been the consort."

"Don't you wonder why, though?"

"I guess I've never thought about it, but I don't mind being the consort."

In all the surrealness that surrounded her, that one sentence was the most surreal.  Acasja couldn't help herself and she laughed.  "You're so weird, Angela... but I don't mind.  Just don't call me 'Lady' Acasja anymore, and stop saying we're engaged."

"But I am engaged to you, Lady Acasja."

"Oh no. Why me?"  Laughing, arm in arm, they returned to Cochrane Hall.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #74 on: November 17, 2007, 01:30:27 am »
In regard to Chapter 4: That was so relentlessly different that I had to read it twice to make sure I liked it and wasn't just impressed by how unusual it seemed.  After such, I decided I loved it. 

As for details...well, much like with the Guv and Andy's story's, there's not any real negatives that spring to mind.  I can't really even pinpoint favorite moments or other such, I just keep reading to see what you're going to do next.

Well, there is one thing...I love this line...

Quote
"I don't know what's going on," she replied, "but all I have to do is win, right?"

How very...Klingon...of her. ;D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #75 on: November 17, 2007, 06:57:58 pm »
Very Trek meets Manga meets Alice in Wonderland. I keep expecting to see mention of a Phantom Tollbooth.

Keep this coming. Yeah, there could be more Trek elements to it, but they certainly aren't 'missing'. This story could easily stand alone, but the fact that you've made it Trek adds a whole new element to it.

Me Likee!

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Offline Vipre

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #76 on: November 18, 2007, 12:52:05 am »
I have a similar but opposite take than Governor Ronjar, I think it's a great story but that the Trek elements are a disservice to the rest. Every time I slipped into "a Trek frame of mind" for lack of a better term, I was hit with a surreal aspect that took me right out of the story. The story would have all the same positives and none of the negatives if you changed the Trek aspects to non-Trek ones. The girl still meets her "captain", still goes to the academy and still has her ring but they'd reference some other organization.

"Interlude II - Court of Honour" is a prime example, I expected the Cadet Captain to launch into a formal hearing for actions unbecoming a Starfleet Cadet after the assult incident and instead they start talking about "consorts" and "being chosen as officers by the rules of the Starship Seal". I just stopped and went "HUH?"

It's funny he'd mention Alice in Wonderland because I was thinking the same thing before I saw the post, floating castles, stairways to nowhere, tea drinking primates, it's all very through the looking glass.

Can't wait to read the rest though.
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Offline Czar Mohab

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #77 on: November 18, 2007, 01:47:12 am »
I don't think I see this the same way that others do. I definitely see the AiW thing, but its not what I was thinking at first. I was thinking more along the lines of "how sad to have a 'normal' academy experience crushed by an unknown secret scociety that Acasja's been apart of without knowing it". Personally, if I was her, I'd be a wee bit passed pi... err, "upset"... over this.

Long story short: I like where this could be headed; kind of hoping for a touch of spilled blood caused by Lady A... I don't think I like her new "friends" much.

Czar "What makes the grass grow?" Mohab, who notes that the answer is in FMJ.

 
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #78 on: November 19, 2007, 01:29:11 pm »
La'ra: Oddly enough, there are more lines like that coming out of her in the future.

Ronjar: Thanks.
 
Vipre: You've hit the nail on the head.  Starfleet Academy is perhaps not ideal for this.  The full officers of the academy certainly isn't.  Since I wrote that part, I've come to realize that the "Starship Seal" is a secret society within the academy.  Sort of like the ones you find at Oxford.   "Court of Honour": the original version went much like Wesley and cohorts' trial in the TNG episode at the academy in terms of flavour.  I didn't think it went with the story at all and changed it to this simpler version.  So the secrety society might be easier to take than official court.  I think the rewrite will address your concerns.  Alice in Wonderland: interesting parallel.  Thanks for the good criticism.

Mohab:
  I like your perspective.  Acasja spends a lot of the story pissed.  You'll probably like the ending.  FMJ: full metal jacket?
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Offline KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #79 on: November 19, 2007, 02:27:32 pm »
Star Trek manga, huh? It's not a concept I'd ever entertained, but more power to you for pulling it off, Andromeda.

Personally, though, I don't like manga/anime in the slightest. (La'ra can vouch for me on that one, LOL.) It's a shame, because I thought the story started off with an interesting hook, but now it's gotten a bit too 'out there' for me to read, for some of the reasons Vipre mentioned. It's nothing against you as a writer, I like your work that I've read previously to this story, I just can't stand this particular style.

Sorry I don't have more to say, I feel like I owe you more of an explanation besides "I don't like manga in general, so it's not just yours". ;) I'll still be around to read your next non-manga Trek story, though.
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