Topic: White Star: Episode One - Brave New World  (Read 25946 times)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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White Star: Episode One - Brave New World
« on: November 03, 2007, 04:19:56 pm »
Introduction

I honestly cannot remember why I started this story, but I think it was due to my interest in trying to modify the SFC SparrowHawk model to make it look more detailed. I didn't manage it because it is such a simple model, but looking over it, and remembering my site has a SparrowHawk in the Rihannsu shiplist, and after reading the final installments of Diane Duane's Rihannsu series, I kinda got interested in this.

Besides, I think it was about time I had my own Rihannsu characters. So, this was started in May this year, and added to little since then. What you see here is all I have, but I hope that by posting it I'll keep working on it.

So, here we have what is still provisionally called 'Rihannsu Scout Mission' in my Word file.

As always, all constructive criticism is gratefully received.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2009, 05:56:21 pm by Scottish Andy »
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Brave New World - Chapter One
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2007, 04:40:23 pm »
Chapter One

The limb of the planet Khazara was giving birth to her home star. SubCommander Hdeian tr’Tyrava gazed out of the clearsteel panel of the orbital transfer shuttle at the glorious sight before him and used its spectacular beauty to centre himself and organise his chaotic thoughts.

Of course, he was excited. Being placed in command of a ship of your own for the first time does that to a person, he mused, trying to maintain his outwardly stoic demeanour even though we was grinning like a fool on the inside. Of course, being the son of an acknowledged Ship-Clan is no longer the barrier to my career as it once was, he acknowledged gratefully. Those circumstances had finally secured his promotion to his current, exalted rank after languishing as a Senior Centurion for over a decade. A subsequent tour as the XO of a K7R-class battlecruiser helped him gain command experience, and since then the Powers That Be had deemed him ready for a command of his own.

Not only that, but an independent command with a mission brief that was eminently suited to the wanderlust in his soul imparted by his Ship-Clan heritage. SubCommander Hdeian tr’Tyrava had been set in authority over the survey cruiser RIS White Star and told to go exploring.

A survey cruiser! Hdeian exulted silently, and a cruise that combines intelligence gathering, resource cataloguing and even possible diplomatic overtures to other star nations! If such a ship and mission does not excite one’s blood to boil then one has no Fire at all, he concluded with all the smugness of youth. And not only that, she is armed enough to discourage any pirate or lesser ship from… rashness.

With the new administration in power and still busily cleaning out the corruption and hold-outs of the old, such new ventures were still somewhat risky propositions. The Grand Fleet had taken somewhat of a beating, but that was over eight years ago now and the shipyards had been busy, especially with the help of the Ship-Clan-settled colonies. Still, survey cruisers—and especially of the new SparrowHawk class—were at a premium, and to literally throw one away on an extended cruise outside of the Rihannsu sphere of influence when they were fairly urgently needed for seeking new resources within the Star Empire’s reach was unexpected to say the least.

To be the person entrusted with the success of such a mission was a huge responsibility not lightly taken, but after careful consideration—which had to be forced to stop the immediate “By all the Elements, YES!” that came to his lips upon being offered the assignment—he had decided the challenge was more than worth any possible risks, both at home and abroad.

The domestic risks were certain unscrupulous elements of his own government still trying to gain power in the usual way—causing his mission to fail by whatever means to discredit him, his clan, and the new government, to reflect badly on all. That such people would be slowing the Empire’s technological progress and putting the Empire at a disadvantage in dealing with the other stellar nations just didn’t seem to matter to them. It seemed that they would rather be the ultimate power in a technologically inferior nation than be a subordinate in an advanced one, and Hdeian—amongst others—could not understand that kind of narrow-minded, petty thinking.

As an example, research on antimatter power, despite it being a relatively simple process, was suppressed in order to maintain the Quantum Singularity Research Project’s massive budget (and hidden bribes and revenue flows to the corrupt). It had taken the scare the United Federation of Planets had given them nearly twenty years ago to force an alliance with the Klingons to get the antimatter technology for demonstrated high-speed warp right then rather than wait another indefinite period for AQS Drive project to produce a working device.

It had left the Empire at a distinct disadvantage during the war with the Earthers and their allies, but after nearly 130 years of research and failure, the New Series ships being built by the Rihannsu shipyards were indeed powered by artificial singularities, freeing the Empire of the need for dilithium. They could thus use the mineral purely for export and generate more much-needed revenue. But for those years, the Empire had remained isolated pretty much out of strategic necessity, and all due to the deliberately callous shortsightedness of those walking the halls of power.

However, such people were still around, and he had to be careful of malcontents among his crew in their pay, so as not to give the would-be overlords more ammunition to use against the new government.

“Your pardon, SubCommander,” the pilot quietly interrupted his thoughts. “We are on final approach to Star Dock Sixteen, and should have visual in… ten seconds. You wished to be informed.”

“Thank you, Specialist t’Auel,” Hdeian told the woman warmly and nodded. “You had no, ah... problems with your flight plan, I hope?”

“No, Sir.” She tried—unsuccessfully—to hide a smirk and Hdeian realised he must have already asked this question. This was confirmed when she decided to elaborate, no doubt in recognition of his own ill-concealed enthusiasm. “We often get requests from first-time commanders for the quarter-chain flypast of their new ships.” She waggled her fine eyebrows to demonstrate her amusement. “It may surprise you, Sir, to know how few commanders want to be beamed aboard their first command.”

Being of a friendly nature almost from birth, Hdeian had no problem with his conscripted pilot being so familiar with him as long as she offered the proper respect. He hoped she did not behave so with all officers in her charge, however, as even lowly subCenturia from the outermost provinces regularly thought that becoming an officer automatically conferred some sort of high nobility on them, and as such would have likely tried to space her in a righteous fury at the affront.

It is quite likely, however, that she knows all this and can just read my hlai-like eagerness like a sheet of flimsiplast, he acknowledged ruefully as he smiled easily at her.

“I suppose each commander thinks he’s being original, even though he’s probably heard the same story from one of his own previous commanding officers at some point,” Hdeian said at last, but then the star dock holding his ship—his!—appeared in the distance and he abruptly went quiet with anticipation.

The small point of light that had finally resolved itself from the glare of the planet grew steadily larger, separating into discreet light sources held on a box lattice framework and illuminating the vessel inside.

Jaina t’Auel held silent from long experience and merely approached the dock from behind and low, allowing her passenger to take in the glory of a warship of the Empire.

Hdeian stared at his ship as the shuttle proceeded slowly down the White Star’s centreline. This class of ship had taken much of Klingon design philosophy to heart, but she was very distinctly a Rihannsu vessel. She had a very shallow forward profile, wide rear section, and narrow forward hull that had a Klingon-derived neck and command pod. However, the pod itself was more of a sleek arrowhead than a bulb, and the traditional Klingon vulnerability of the long neck was reduced by gracefully fairing in the wide, flat wings that contained the modular part of his cruiser’s design. The long, wide delta wings were tipped by a nacelle each, and a further, more avian-like pair of wings curved gracefully inward and upward to brace the third nacelle mounted over the centreline and almost entirely past the end of the aft hull.

Overall, the ship itself looked like an advanced, organically-curved, delta-shaped atmosphere fightercraft built to cruiser-scale, resembling a barbed arrowhead from above.

As they travelled slowly down the centreline of the White Star the broad expanse of her wings stretched out above them. The silver-grey of her central body was ornamented with the dark grey and jewelled, emerald-green glowing of the shuttlebay support systems, and her wide, gently upward-curving wings were decorated with the spread-winged feathers of a Bird of Prey.

Moving forward, the underside of the “neck” of the ship was illuminated by two decks of portholes below the flare of the wings, where the crew quarters were located. Finally getting to the arrowhead that held the ship’s bridge, forward phase disruptors, and sensors, Hdeian could really drink in not only the functional arrangement of the pod but also the stylistic beauty that the Rihannsu shipwrights had worked into her. The head itself looked like a bird of prey on the hunt, with flared wings, streamlined body, and sharp beak.

His pilot brought the shuttle around in a lazy arc to approach the ship from forward-port and at a greater relative height. From this new angle Hdeian could truly appreciate the sweeping grace and beauty of the SparrowHawk design as a whole. All too soon he would be aboard her, walking through Fleet-standard corridors and rooms. He wanted to retain a vivid image of his ship in his mind, both to remind himself of just how beautiful she was and the better to examine how others might see her when confronted with her, bereft of context or knowledge of who he was or whom he represented.

Looking over her now, Hdeian could see her graceful lines, her flowing curves, that she looked as if she was going at warp speed even standing still, and the very slenderness of her components made her look nimble and fleet. One thing that Hdeian only just noticed, lost in considering all her other attributes, was that the White Star didn’t actually look mean or aggressive—quite the departure from the usual school of both Klingon and Rihannsu design practices.

His pilot guided the shuttle along the leading edge of the main wing, taking them out to the port nacelle and giving them a real idea of the ship’s true dimensions. Travelling along the inside of the port nacelle, in between the upper and lower wing surfaces, Hdeian got a good, close at the quiescent immensity of the engine that would propel his ship faster than light. Each of the three nacelles took up a third of the total length of his ship.

Jaina brought his tour of the ship to an end by gracefully curving around in an arc that reversed their direction and brought the inspection pod back under the belly of the ship. The shuttlebay doors remained closed and she brought the pod to a halt.

White Star, this is Shipyard Transfer Shuttle 109 requesting permission to dock,” she spoke crisply into the intercom.

“Transmit your clearance code,” the cold voice responded curtly.

Hdeian’s face hardened and from the corner of his eye he saw Jaina’s shoulders tense up at the insolent, disrespectful tone of one of his crew.

I will make sure to teach that… person… some manners, he vowed in a cold fury. They are either a fool or an incompetent, and I will not tolerate such on my ship!

If they knew it was the ship’s new commander aboard the shuttle then they were playing with fire in earning that commander’s wrath. If they didn’t know he was aboard then they were being negligent of their duty.

All this flashed thought his head in a microsecond. Before his pilot could respond, he reached out to restrain her automatic, if angry, compliance.

“If I may, t’Auel…?”

Surprised, she merely nodded.

Touching a control, Hdeian spoke in a conversational tone. “White Star, identify yourself please.”

The cold, curt voice seemed to leap into an instant fury at not being immediately obeyed. “Transmit your clearance code now, STS-109, or I will have you destroyed for failure to comply!” the speaker practically screamed.

“Transmitting,” Hdeian stated flatly, though Jaina could see the anger smouldering in his eyes. She wondered what kind of response they would get now. The clearance codes were not just permissions, they also conveyed details of who issued the authorisation and the status of the passenger or cargo carried. By now, the… overly-excitable… officer on the other side of the comm. channel should know that their new commander had witnessed their behaviour.

To Jaina’s considerable surprise, the only response they got was the shuttlebay doors gliding slowly and silently open.

“My thanks for the fly-past, t’Auel,” Hdeian told her with a brief but more-than-ample bow. “If I could trouble you to remain, I dare say you might have a passenger for the return trip to the starbase.”

“As you say, SubCommander,” she agreed equably with a bow of her own.

Hdeian nodded. “This should not take long.”
« Last Edit: April 18, 2008, 11:35:43 am by Scottish Andy »
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Offline Czar Mohab

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Re: Brave New World - Introduction
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2007, 05:07:17 pm »
Well, I'll have to say that it has been a long time since I have read a "fresh" Romulan story. It comes with welcome to these eyes.

As for nits/gripes/good stuff etc...

Quote
STS-109

A gentle nod to Columbia and the Hubble space telescope mission? Or just random chance? I think its cool either way.

Quote
What you see here is all I have, but I hope that by posting it I'll keep working on it.

First, as the only gramar related issue I found (for you, Guv...), I have to excuse it, since a.) I do that alot when posting freehand, and b.) there is no other; I felt obliged to at least point it out, in good fun, of course.

Second, I hope that you keep posting more ;)

Czar "Nothing more at this time" Mohab, who would like more, please![/color]
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Offline Commander Maxillius

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Re: Brave New World - Introduction
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2007, 07:06:54 pm »
Deck officer, extra crispy please!


and hold the lettuce
I was never here, you were never here, this conversation never took place, and you most certainly did not see me.

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World - Introduction
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2007, 10:45:57 pm »
*EVIL MONKEY POINTS FINGER*!!!!!!!!

--EVIL MONKEY!!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World - Introduction
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2007, 03:35:40 pm »
Yes, the STS-109 is a reference to the Columbia's last successful mission and safe landing. I'm not sure why that was in there, since the shuttle was lost in Feb. 2003, and I last updated this story in May 2007. Whyever I did this, it is an homage to the Columbia.

No comments on my TMP-style lovign description of a SparrowHawk? ;D

And Guv... I have no idea what you mean. I am familiar with Evil Pointing Monkey from Family Guy, but... eh?

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Brave New World - Introduction
« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2007, 07:08:08 pm »
I like the intro and want more of this story.  Like the Rommie feel to it, preserved despite us being in the protagonist's head and able to sense his excitement and wonder and other such non-Romulan things. ;D  One thing I dislike about many attempts at Romulan stories is that a lot of fan fic writers just show us the outward faces of the characters, and they all tend to be ambitious xenophobes who aren't nearly as smart as they'd like to think.  It's believable that Romulan military culture encourages such an outward persona, but much like your favorite Kirk line from The Final Reflection in regard to the Klingons...there's got to be more to them.  You show that, and kudos to you.  Keep it up.

The ship is lovingly described.  I just despise the name.  I know Jaeih always pointed out that the Sparrowhawk's were B5 White Stars.  Always.  Every time you mentioned the ship class.  Those once-constant reminders (which would be welcome if it meant she were on more) combined with a strong dislike of B5 make me cringe every time the name is mentioned. ;D  Personal quibble there, that has no real bearing on the story, though I would like to hear some explanation of why it's named that 'in-character'.  Seems a bit happy for a Rommie vessel.

Anyhow...keep it comin'.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2007, 10:49:03 pm by Commander La'ra »
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World - Introduction
« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2007, 09:58:18 pm »
Am still reading.

Right now...all I have to mention is that you've misspelled center and a few other words... (centre...jeez...what were YOU thinkin'?)  ;D :D

Till I finish...
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World - Introduction
« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2007, 10:28:00 pm »
NOW...I am done.

Anywho, I am liking the start of this one, and unlike my brother from another maternal unit, I have no problems with the ship's name. To an Eather, it'll be a bunch of pseudo-latin gibberish anyway.

As I was never a fan of Diane Duane or Daina Carey or many of the older Trek authors, I can't say I like the Rihannsu bit. The over use of overly elaborate names and titles with a myriad of apostrophies just make my eyes water. A character, particularly the MAIN character, should have a relatively simple name, and at least a name one is relatively sure he is pronouncing correctly if he/she bothers to talk to a buddy about that story.

Essentially, you have avoided this. You're using regular ranks and I can look at the main character's first name and liken it to Adrian or Hadrian so I'm not looking at said name as though I can't remember who he is. Bravo! I also, and from the get-go, LIKE him! He gets rankled by a smug-fleet-SOB who challenges his shuttle, and sets out to right the problem. And this happens AFTER you go through all the trouble of showing WHAT A NICE, DECENT MINDED FELLOW HE IS. None of that: "Well, I'll set his straight during the first briefing or take him asside and coach him in the way I want him to behave..." No, it's more like: "I'm sending his happy-ass down the road, smart mouth jerk-off!" I really like that.

I have no particular like or dislike of the ship. I'll have to fire up SFC3 with my add-on just to remind myself what it is/looks like/has got. I have a great impression, however, from your discription of her to know which ship I'm probably looking for. So this alone says something about your ability to tell me what it looks like. You compare the ship's structure to that of a fighter craft, which is kinda cool, and also to a bird of prey one the hunt, which is expected. The overall detail you give it adds detail that most game graphics don't get at. So the scene really shows that your prospective captain is really enjoying what he's seeing.

Knowing only that this story is some kind of 'Rihannsu Scouting Mission', I can say that I'm looking forward to more. This isn't so much because of the quality or lack therof of the first bit... It's actually just because I know already that if you wrote it...it's gonna be good!

'nuff of my babbling! On with the show!

[BTW: Evil Monkey continues to point! Can you guess why?]
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2007, 12:36:48 pm »
Wow, that was some awesome responses. I'm hoping for more of them, too. I actually sat down and wrote chapter 2 yesterday, so I'll be posting that at some point this week. After reading the Guv's second comment, I had to be sure I'd not accidentally posted it already!

Now, to address the comments...

Quote
Deck officer, extra crispy please!

and hold the lettuce
:D  Wait for it!

Quote
...sense his excitement and wonder and other such non-Romulan things.
Ah, Larry, Larry. Ain't that racial profiling? ;D  This guy is of the more moderate, liberal, previously-suppressed-by-the-old-government persuasion. Which is why his type are rarely encountered except as beaten down mid-level officers. The new government, being of his clan, wants him to do well. For full details of the change of Rommie leadership, you'd have to read The Empty Chair, book 5 of the Rihannsu series. BUt as a quickie: the old 'Roms as we know them' regime has been kicked out by a successful civil war and coup in 2276 by the suppressed Ship Clans, and the RSE was under Fred protection from the Klingons while they rebuilt. It is now 2284 and they're almost back up to par after the loss of scores of vessels. The new government is once again idealistic, but still proud Roms who probably rankled under Fred protection.

Quote
I would like to hear some explanation of why it's named that 'in-character'
Good idea. It doesn't strike me as a good Rommie ship name either, but now that I've made her a survey cruiser in Jaeih's absence, I'm sure I can come up with something.

Quote
...you've misspelled center...
;D
British English rules OK!

Quote
I also, and from the get-go, LIKE him!
Yay! I want him to be a likeable hard-nose. Fair but not afraid to stand up and be counted, and make what he does, count. My own version of Ford, you might say. ;) I'm also glad you like the names.

Quote
So the scene really shows that your prospective captain is really enjoying what he's seeing.
Yup. This guy never thought he'd get a ship of his own, so when he does and it's this good, he's only just holding on to his cookies. Its also why I compared my "quarter-chain flypast" (i.e. ten cent tour) with Kirk & Scotty's Enterprise flyby from TMP.

Quote
It's actually just because I know already that if you wrote it...it's gonna be good!
Awww. Who knew this guy could be so sweet?  Seriously, he's making me blush.

If I can start writing chapter 3 this week, I'll post chapter 2 on late this week.
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Offline Tus-XC

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2007, 03:08:56 pm »
Very nice beginning Andy.  Being a rom fan I really love reading just about anything from the rom perspective.  I really want to read some more so hurry it up a bit will ya ;) (and now i have to finish the empty chair...)
Rob

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Offline Czar Mohab

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2007, 05:29:04 pm »

I'll have to say that I've not ever read the Rihan-whatever series. I do like when the "bad guys" become the "good guys", and therefore, like I said, I can't wait to read more.

Personally, my favorite part was the explanation of the change in warp drive. It makes sense that a semi-corrupt entity would risk everything just to pocket a few more bucks and eventually get the work done; this also connects 3rd gen Romulan ships to TNG era (that would be what, 5th? 6th gen?) canon, and could be very easily taken in.

Having SFB/SFC knowledge was unneeded during the ship's description phase, because you did a dern fine job there. But, having that knowledge, I could more easily see both the background (i.e. Romulan Modular ship design, SFB) and how pretty this ship really is (SFC).

Its probably more of a Klingon thing to do, but perhaps have the snobby rommie "walk" to the waiting shuttle, which just happens to be about a meter or so outside the ship? Perhaps in an alternate reality, eh?

I am really itching to find out what exactly this ships mission is. I realize that the Romulans would want to survey planets, their borders, et al; but I am left wondering, what is the real meat and potatoes of this mission? Find a planet to colonize? Explore strange new worlds for fun? Be the first Rommie ship on the block with a confirmed kill of species XYZ? There are so many possibilities that I'm just left wondering. Its a good thing.

The CO doesn't seem the type to shoot first and ask later, more like he was born to explore. Pretty sure he's more than willing to do the fighting part for "emperor and country", kickin' butt and takin' initials (not slowin' down to take names :)). This gives him a "different kind of Rommie" feel, and I can see that this was your intention.

Like I said above, WAAAAY up there, looking forward to more.

Czar "Who Andyproofs Andy?" Mohab

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2007, 06:38:29 pm »
Quote
Ah, Larry, Larry. Ain't that racial profiling? ;D  This guy is of the more moderate, liberal, previously-suppressed-by-the-old-government persuasion. Which is why his type are rarely encountered except as beaten down mid-level officers.

Rarely encountered or rarely portrayed?  Like I said...more to them, and you've shown us that from the get-go.

Quote
The new government, being of his clan, wants him to do well. For full details of the change of Rommie leadership, you'd have to read The Empty Chair, book 5 of the Rihannsu series.

Stomach an entire Diane Duane novel?

Huh.  Just not seein' it as worth it. ;D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #13 on: November 05, 2007, 10:44:20 pm »

British English rules OK!

The British have conquered Oklahoma? Larry! Why didn't you tell me you were living in oppression?!

Hang on, I'll go get my .270...

Honestly...the Brits can have OK. Just send me the Batfish.

--thu guv! [and the Evil Monkey who continues to point at Andy!]
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Andromeda

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #14 on: November 06, 2007, 01:57:37 am »
Taht was good.  I hated the Rihannsu thing when they started doing that in ST novels.  I read one and stopped when I found that was all there was going to be.  Ick.  Thankfullly you seem intent on keeping that to a minimum.

I agree with the Czar about wondering about the real mission. New ship, rookie captain that is bound to the government, he's particularly innocent.  Sounds like a setup to me.  It would be terrible to find the person behind the clearance request was his uncle, wouldn't it?

I am looking foreward to more.  I have a Romulan story floating around somewhere.  Maybe after Calyx I'll clean it up and start posting it.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #15 on: November 06, 2007, 02:52:04 am »
The British have conquered Oklahoma? Larry! Why didn't you tell me you were living in oppression?!

Because it's a plot by the casino I work out to drain the British Isles of all their resources by turning them all into gambling addicts.  Silly redcoats.  When will they learn? ;D

Quote from: Andromeda
New ship, rookie captain that is bound to the government, he's particularly innocent.  Sounds like a setup to me.  It would be terrible to find the person behind the clearance request was his uncle, wouldn't it?

Glad to see I wasn't the only person paranoid enough to think of that...
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #16 on: November 06, 2007, 03:20:47 am »
I only found this: Sparrowhawk by Atolm,. So I, though I have such a detailed description, am still curious of the design. EDIT: this one?

Other then that I haven't got much left to add. I like the beginning, wonder if our main character is really that innocent and lovable (he must have a dark side too!) and am curious of Romulan discipline. What can/can't a Romulan commander do to his crew. Cause I wouldn't kick him out, but I'd make him clean jeffrey tubes with his toothbrush.
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #17 on: November 06, 2007, 11:41:00 am »
Hi all, many thanks for the continued commenting. It's great to cause so much speculation! I honestly have no idea where this is going, but who knows? I may take up some of your speculations as the plot line!

As to the Rihannsu books, you should all know that I like the concept since I've called this Rihannsu Scout Mission instead of Romulan Scout mission. I really like emphasising the differences in cultures, showing that though motivations can be the same, the trappings, semantics, proverbs and attitudes will be different. I celebrate and encourage anyone who does this, and those that do this in a manner I like, I incorporate into my own STU.

I like the apostrophed, half-Welsh, half-Gaelic names (small surprise there) just because they are different - though Guv's point about the lead characters having easy names to reference is well taken. I really don't like aliens portrayed as humans with different ranks and ears and noses. Speech patterns are different as a result of translation, and the same will be true of the Universal Translator. For talking amongst themselves, as Larry likes to put as an example, posh people still talk posh to each other, and commoners :D will still talk in their local dialect.

Grim, Atolm's SparrowHawk is one of his original creations. He is brilliant at  re-imagining classic or established designs and creating radical new ones. He is a truly gifted designer. That said, his ship looks nothing like the stock SFC SparrowHawk model as supplied with the game out of the box.

The model from SFC3 files is a re-imagined version of the stock SFC SparrowHawk model, along the lines of trhe 70s to 00s Battlestar Galactica. I believe it too might be Atolm's, but I'm not sure. My description mostly matches up to this model, but the stylistic differences stop ot from fully matching up. I've included two pics of the ship my character is actually looking at.
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
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Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #18 on: November 06, 2007, 12:22:23 pm »
thx man, makes it easier on the little gray cells!
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Scottish Andy

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Brave New World - Chapter Two
« Reply #19 on: November 06, 2007, 08:19:41 pm »
Okay, here's the second part, written just after I posted the first and before getting all these awesome comments. Lemmie know what you think. I'll start writing part three maybe tomorrow night.



Chapter Two

What was obviously a hastily gathered honour party greeted Hdeian as he embarked. His glacial gaze swept the assembled officers as he stalked up to them. He had familiarised himself with the dossiers of the crew assigned to him—as so junior a commander and only recently in favour anyway, he was not allowed to appoint his own choices for key positions—and he found his fury climbing higher as none of the officers assigned to the bridge communications station were present. Still, formalities had to be maintained, and he restrained his anger as the woman he recognised as his new exec greeted him.

“SubCommander tr’Tyrava, I am Senior Centurion t’Kaldaiith, your Executive Officer. On behalf of the senior staff, I welcome you aboard. If I may present your officers…?”

Giving her a curt nod but nothing else, Hdeian followed her down the line of officers. They were, like himself, mostly Debrune Rihannsu – as indeed was most of the Empire now after a millennium and a half of interbreeding. T’Kaldaiith herself seemed to be a Pureblood, as she had no sign of the heavy brow ridges common to the other officers.

As they walked down the line of officers, each thumped their fist to their breastbone in the traditional salute of allegiance. Normally, he would have taken the time to speak a few words to each officer to get a feel for their personalities and begin building a rapport with them. Right now, however, he was coldly furious and only interested in finding that mannerless cur and physically kicking him off his ship – all the way from the bridge to the shuttle bay, if necessary. The thought of actually doing so gave him a savage pleasure.

In the back of his mind, he knew that his own reaction was all out of proportion to the offence, but this incident had spoiled his own enjoyment of coming aboard his first command. And whoever had committed this heinous crime, he thought in all seriousness, is going to pay!

He barely heard their names but managed to be pleased that the names he had attached to these faces matched up to who his XO introduced them as.

“Senior Centurion Alma tr’Nai, Master Engineer. Senior Centurion Gwuii t’Henaraii, Weapons Master. Centurion Dheim tr’Naithor, Enforcement Master. Centurion Liriana t’Orek, Master Surgeon. Centurion Neeru tr’Foren, Master Helm. Centurion Courig tr’Arai, Sciences Master.”

At the end of the line, the position of Communications Master was conspicuously absent. Not only that, no junior member of that department was present in the Master’s stead either. It was a serious breach of protocol.

At this, Hdeian whirled upon his XO. Even in his anger, his own innate courtesy forced out an acknowledgement for his XO’s efforts. “My thanks, Centurion. Where is the representative from Communications?”

T’Kaldaiith’s pale complexion became slightly green-tinged as she blushed. “My sincere apologies, subCommander,” she began, her voice under complete control even if her blood wasn’t. “The –”

Her next words remained unspoken as a junior officer rushed onto the shuttle bay deck. A quick glance was all it took to determine he was not one he was familiar with, which meant he was not the Department Head. The youth stumbled into the lineup and grew green with either embarrassment and/or rage at being shown up in front of the senior staff and his new commander.

“Ah, here he is now,” t’Kaldaiith recovered smoothly. “AnteCenturion Jaran tr’Naekarin, Cryptography Officer.” Addressing the boy, she demanded, “Explain your lateness, AnteCenturion!”

“Madam, I beg forgiveness. I was roused from sleep after a long previous shift, not five minutes ago!” The boy obviously wanted to say more, but the others were studiously ignoring him, and making it clear in their silence that they found it an affront to have their timeliness be brought down by his tardiness. Any further desire for verbal explanation withered under this avalanche of disapproval.

Hdeian shared the emotion, if not for the same target. Once again focusing on his XO, he demanded of her, “Why was he roused for my greeting party when I distinctly heard someone operating the communications station some seven minutes ago? If that person was not qualified, why then rouse this boy and not the Communications Master himself?”

The uncomfortable silence of the ‘honour guard’ and t’Kaldaiith’s loss for words that immediately followed his questions indicated a massive problem already on his ship, and he hadn’t even been aboard her for as long as that dupe of a boy has been awake!

“Centurion, I asked you a question!” Hdeian ground out, Fire in his eyes and murder on his mind. “Where is subCenturion tr’Raeteol, the Communications Master?”

T’Kaldaiith’s shoulders slumped and she seemed to deflate at the utterance of that name. “He will most likely be in his quarters, Sir,” she told him dejectedly.

“WHAT!?!” he roared, making them all flinch but surprising none of them. Hdeian could not believe his ears. He knew that tr’Raeteol’s father was an influential figure in Homeworld politics, but he was the most junior of the command staff. Yet here was his XO, slitting her own throat in front of her CO rather than have him dragged down here. The cur was obviously trying to wriggle out of is blunder, but any CO worth their command would have demanded an explanation instead of glossing over the non-appearance of a minor officer, but it was possible that young tr’Naekarin was supposed to have taken the blame for the incident over the com, and just hadn’t had the time to have been briefed. The XO couldn’t have failed to ask why he was late, and if she had, Hdeian would certainly have done it for her.

His voice now totally devoid of emotion, brooking no disobedience or evasion, he asked her one last question. “Who talked to my pilot as she requested landing clearance?”

“It was subCenturion tr’Raeteol, Sir,” she managed to say.

“All of you, wait here,” he growled and stalked towards the shuttle bay turbolift, leaving his command crew standing at attention.

****

Minutes later he stood before the quarters of subCenturion Kai tr’Raeteol, Master Communications Officer of the White Star, and third son of one of the most powerful industrialists in the Empire, being counted among such Noble Houses as Radaik and Rial.

Hdeian used his commander’s clearance codes to override the cabin’s privacy lock and strode right in. The man occupying the room held a private comm. screen which he immediately darkened as he looked up guiltily. The guilt was mingled with anger, as it always was in such people. Hdeian took the time to match this person’s face with the one he’d memorised from their service record, and without stopping to even listen to any protestations, hauled the cur from behind his desk.

The two men were of a size; thin, wiry, with the sinuous strength of a marathon runner than the bulging muscles of a weight lifter. However, tr’Raeteol was twenty years younger – which meant nothing to a 50 standard-year-old Rihannsu – and took less care with his fitness regime than did Hdeian. The commander also had the advantage of superior rank, and surprise. The whelp came easily.

“What’re – you – doing!” the boy demanded in outrage as he was propelled from his room and pushed through the corridors of the ship. Hdeian decided at the last minute to parade this thing down the open sections of the ship rather than take the quicker turbolift, the better that anyone who saw would know that parental status meant nothing to any true Fleet Officer. An object lesson in the chain of command was apparently sorely needed aboard this vessel.

“Let go of me!” the youth demanded, squirming in Hdeian’s grip.

Such disgusting behaviour! he noted acidly. You’d think he was just out of Secondary School instead of being a graduate of the Naval Academy and a Fleet Officer of eight years’ service! It’s apparent to me his commission was bought by his father…

“I demand you let go of me! Do you know who I am?” the “officer” shouted loudly, trying to intimidate his superior officer into bending to his will.

Hdeian cuffed him on the back of the head as he would a disobedient child.

“How dare you! You’ll pay for that!” the boy screeched.

“If you’re not going to act like an officer, I need not treat you like one,” Hdeian spoke his first words to him.

“My father –” Kai started

“– is irrelevant,” Hdeian finished for him.

“You can’t treat me like this! Even… even Fleet regulations do not allow –”

“A cur like you has no idea what Fleet Regulations state. Now shut up or I will stun you and drag your unconscious carcass through the corridors of this ship.”

The very evenness and controlled tone of tr’Tyrava’s voice just increased the certainly of him carrying out his threat, but this son of privilege could not let it go.

“Where are you taking me?” he demanded next.

“You’ll see,” was the short reply, after which the subCommander wasted no more speech on his charge.

****

“What do you think he’s doing?” Gwuii t’Henaraii asked the group at large.

“Which one?” Master Engineer tr’Nai asked back.

N’alae T’Kaldaiith glared at both of them. “Silence!” she ordered wrathfully.

Gwuii snorted. “Yeah, right. Who’s gonna tell him we’re discussing it, Senior Centurion?”

“I gave you an order! Now shut your mouth, you base-born bitch!”

“Ahhh, it all comes out now,” Gwuii nodded knowingly, deflecting the insult by refusing to be insulted by it. She was not ashamed of her commoner upbringing, and was in fact very proud of rising so high in the Fleet despite it. Using it to her advantage, she twisted the attack back upon her attacker. “Don’t you worry, Executive Officer. It’s unlikely that any of us will need to tell our Fiery new commander that you cannot command your way out of wet paper bag and that none of us care what you think or do. I’m sure he’ll find that out really quickly all on his own – if he doesn’t believe it already.” Another thought occurred to her and she sank the blade in even deeper. Affecting a surprised look, she added, “Oh, maybe whatever he’s doing to that arrogant young bastard he’ll do to you too, and I’ll get promoted to Executive Officer myself!”

Tr’Nai grinned and the others looked away, suppressing smirks of their own.

T’Kaldaiith went bottle green and screamed. “You WILL respect my authority on this ship!”

“Smart woman,” Gwuii noted, as if in an aside to her conspirator. “She’s not demanding we respect her, only her position.” Addressing her directly, the weapons master continued, “Yes, Executive Officer. What would you have us do?”

“Just keep silent until he returns,” N’alae ordered tightly, her voice betraying tremors.

“Yes Madam Executive Officer, Sir! We shall be as silent as a freshly-dug grave. No sound will escape our lips. Not one utterance will be… well, uttered. You will think this room was full of corpses, or mutes. Yes indeed, we shall be as silent –”

SHUT UP!!!

****

It had been a long walk, but Hdeian finally reached the shuttle bay again. The swish of the doors opening in front of him was a pleasure all its own, as by now the constant stream of complaints, demands, threats, and pleading had convinced him of nothing else but the necessity of getting this thing off his ship, and if possible, out of the Fleet uniform.

Looking across the deck, his command staff were exactly where he left them, though it looked like his Exec was going to have a stroke. In the other direction, the t’Auel’s travel pod waited still. He angled towards it.

“Centurion tr’Naithor, kindly escort our former Communications Master back to the starbase and ensure he does nothing… rash. Also ensure that his manners are correct in dealing with the pilot. Once he has been physically transferred to the starbase, return by transporter. I will query her after your return to ensure there was no… unpleasantness. Acknowledge and comply.”

Tr’Naithor started at the use of Klingon-style orders, but wisely subsided and merely responded in the proper Rihannsu fashion. Thumping his fist to his breastbone, he bowed at the neck and stated, “I hear and obey.”

They both boarded the small shuttle. “Secure him,” he ordered his security chief, then entered the cockpit.

“T’Auel, my thanks for waiting. I am sending my Enforcement Master along with you to ensure this person causes you no trouble. He will beam back. I will send a report to your supervisor detailing these events. On the off chance they wish to cause trouble and I am off on my mission, refer them to my Clan. They will take care of you.”

Jaina looked at him oddly. “If I may, Sir, you are a most unusual man. Lowly shuttle pilots are not offered the protection of such powerful benefactors.”

Hdeian smiled, though somewhat sadly. “This is so, but it is unfortunate that this is so. I hope to change that.”

“You honour me beyond reason,” she responded quietly, and offered him a bow so sincere and lengthy he had to push her upright himself.

“Everyone is worthy of courtesy and respect until they prove otherwise by their actions or words. You are a more honourable and worthy person than the useless carcass you now drag back to the base, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Now go, and contact me after my centurion returns.”

“It shall be done.”

“Very good. Fair flying, t’Auel,” he bade her farewell, and turned to go.

“You may call me Jaina,” she offered.

He halted and faced her again, startled but pleased at her gift, and smiled. “Thank you, Jaina,” he told her warmly, gripping her arm. “Maybe when next we meet you will impress me enough that I will give you mine.”

“’Til next we meet, subCommander,” she replied. He could tell she was a bit disappointed he hadn’t responded in kind, but rewards had to be earned or they held no value.

He exited the shuttle and watched it leave the ship, passing through the atmospheric forcefield. The pleasure and satisfaction he felt at the completion of this task and at the demands of honour being met began to ebb, and disappeared into the background as he faced his recalcitrant crew.

“Any questions?” he demanded.

They all responded in the negative.

“Good. Have my belongings beamed over from the station and brought to my quarters. Staff briefing at 0600 tomorrow. Dismissed!”

He stood there with his fists on his hips, proud and defiant on the deck of his ship, and watched them go. This ridiculous mess is going to get cleared up right damn quick, or there’ll be more sudden exits like tr’Raeteol’s. But for the rest of today, I want to explore my new domain.

He set off from the shuttle bay, intent on giving himself a Commander’s Tour of the ship that was now his.

Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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